First time writer, long time reader...
My head knows time and all..but my heart. Writing here so not to continue burdening my friends until I can get a doctor. Chest is tight, sleep is nightmare, feel I have the flu, not eating..all because of a breakup.
My tale : I'm 47, she's 46
The last few years have been rough. I was engaged and that ended, 10 years but distance was too great with kids and all. Took a year work on me. During that year, my father died, my dog of 13 yrs pased away. So it was rough. I made it though and meet, to me a beautiful lady. She took my breath away. She was from Russian, had a 24 yr old that lived in Washington DC. I have a daughter who is now 24 but is bi-polar. She still lives at home.
Somehow we hit it off. Both introverts, but liked doing stuff together. Her culture is..different so there were issues but not major. 6 months into our relationship, the hurricane hit and destroyed my house. My daughter moved with her mom, I moved in with Natasha. It took a while to get used to each other because I wasn't used to living with anyone for 12 years. In March, I proposed and we got engaged. My house got repaired, and my daughter moved in to finish school, and get a degree. Natasha has 3 dogs and my daughter has one that doesn't get along. Also, Natasha didn't want to live with my daughter.
Sometimes Natasha would insult me by things that she said about my daughter. I would get quiet. Or she would do something that would bother me and I would get quiet. She would call that moody. Saturday she decided to end it because she was scared of the moodiness, also felt that we didn't have anything in common (Not much). Also, basically becaause I wouldn't kick my daughter out. While I understand that, as a father it's tough with a bipolar child..until she gets a job she can't live on her own. So we ended and I'm crushed.
Moving in the apartment with her, I helped her finish school, I paid more than half the rent and groceries and helped her constantly. Yes, I did get moody - not going to deny. I always took her dinner to work all the time, cooked at home, brought her flowers every week because my heart said too, helped with everything and took care of her parrot, 3 dogs, and a mushroom. She would say she was lucky for the hurricane (I had 50K of damage), and that I was the best man in the world for her. That she loved me more..
Than she ended. I have the ring and moved out.
While I understand my daughter is an issue, shouldn't a person accept your family...at least for a while? Daughter is looking for a job. Part of me feels used...part of me feels insecure. I'm not...well I don't see myself as the best looking (She did) and she is definately beautiful. So part of me is afraid I won't find someone that I'm attracted to like her (Never looked at anyone else). Part of me is afraid of being alone for ever.
How much more do I need to sacrifice for my daughter? I put Natasha first in a lot, over my own needs and likes, yet it wasn't enough. Some might be culture because she has no empathy for people. Some of it's just her. But this is about me...I believe in love and true love. I thought I had it. Now, it's gone and I'm crushed. She even told me she was going back to Eharmony.
Her mom is sick and we were supposd to go to Russia at the end of the moment. That is cancelled. I'm...well love means putting others first. I brought her a ticket to go see her mom for 3 weeks after the breakup (With a 4 page note at the time). She thanked for the ticket.
I realize she views the world differently in a lot of ways - old school about men and females, supersensative about voice rised and all...but she always said she loved me and loved me more than I loved her.
Was no contact since Sunday but she wrote today asking for advice about her car being towed. It was a kick to the heart..I gave her advice and all I got was 'k'.
I still have a key to the apartment. Natasha still has stuff in my garage from her move last year.
That's my story. I was hoping writing would help. I've read the books that say time heals. That to take care of oneself. To go no contact and focus on you. It's just the self doubts and all at the moment.
Thanks for reading my long tale.
I had a diet diasaster about a week ago. Now I start again, this is the 1st day, I've managed to control my biscuit (cookies) urge to eat them. I've stuck to my calories. 1,200. I've had some exercise. Been out today for blood work, get results on a wednesday next week.
Psalm 139:13-16 New Living Translation (NLT)13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.16 You saw me before I was born. ...