Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Well, today marks one month since the breakup. It's one of those times where I can't believe that a month has gone by, but it's also been the longest, hardest month of my life. And tomorrow would have been our 5-year anniversary, so I'm not looking forward to that one.
I guess that, all things considered, I'm doing "okay." I still panic every day, and am sad every day, and have trouble every day. But I'm no longer sobbing every day. I've even had a few days without much more than watery eyes! I've also stopped using Xanax to help me sleep, and sometimes am not even taking it during the day (though sometimes I perhaps should). It still occupies my every thought, but it's gotten a little easier to function.
I've started to realize that I'm really grieving the more distant past, and the future that I wanted... but cannot grieve for the last year or so. As he gradually pulled away, I felt inadequate and lonely. Being without him now, while hard, is less of an adjustment than I expected - he stopped being the romantic partner that I loved so much quite a while ago. I miss the good times, and I'm still heartbroken that we won't have the future together that I'd hoped that we could have. But I don't miss the way that I've felt for a year, in limbo and feeling unloved and wondering if he had just lost interest in me or if I was doing something wrong.
Even though it's been a month, I guess the real clock has only just started. It took over three weeks of still semi-living together for everything to finally wrap up and end. But during that time there was no back-and-forth, no texting or messaging apart from a small handful of logistics communications, and though we had lots of relationship talk while both in the apartment, a lot of the time was just spent acting relatively normally. It's better without him here. Harder, but better.
I can finally start listening to some music again. It's silly, I know, but that song "So What" by Pink is a pretty great breakup anthem. It's been getting me through work. I'm pretty nervous about my roommate heading out for the holidays next weekend, because it will mean a weekend and a few more days spent alone in the apartment, which makes me panicked to think about... but I guess we'll cross that bridge next week. I hope everyone's having a good Thursday, sending positive thoughts your way.
I guess that, all things considered, I'm doing "okay." I still panic every day, and am sad every day, and have trouble every day. But I'm no longer sobbing every day. I've even had a few days without much more than watery eyes! I've also stopped using Xanax to help me sleep, and sometimes am not even taking it during the day (though sometimes I perhaps should). It still occupies my every thought, but it's gotten a little easier to function.
I've started to realize that I'm really grieving the more distant past, and the future that I wanted... but cannot grieve for the last year or so. As he gradually pulled away, I felt inadequate and lonely. Being without him now, while hard, is less of an adjustment than I expected - he stopped being the romantic partner that I loved so much quite a while ago. I miss the good times, and I'm still heartbroken that we won't have the future together that I'd hoped that we could have. But I don't miss the way that I've felt for a year, in limbo and feeling unloved and wondering if he had just lost interest in me or if I was doing something wrong.
Even though it's been a month, I guess the real clock has only just started. It took over three weeks of still semi-living together for everything to finally wrap up and end. But during that time there was no back-and-forth, no texting or messaging apart from a small handful of logistics communications, and though we had lots of relationship talk while both in the apartment, a lot of the time was just spent acting relatively normally. It's better without him here. Harder, but better.
I can finally start listening to some music again. It's silly, I know, but that song "So What" by Pink is a pretty great breakup anthem. It's been getting me through work. I'm pretty nervous about my roommate heading out for the holidays next weekend, because it will mean a weekend and a few more days spent alone in the apartment, which makes me panicked to think about... but I guess we'll cross that bridge next week. I hope everyone's having a good Thursday, sending positive thoughts your way.
And, look, you can say you're one month in, or you can say, "I have 30 days behind me". Either way, it's still a big step.
Sending you warm thoughts -
I cry almost every day too, and am just so sad. I shouldn't miss him, as he was awful to me. He was recently diagnosed with a personality disorder, and he had huge rage issues. His thinking was very erratic. Plus, he had three grown daughters who hated me, and I'll be so glad to never have to hear them say hateful things to me again, while my "husband" does nothing.
Sometimes, we truly do grieve the loss of how things used to be. For me, things hadn't been "good" since we dated. Once we'd married, his mask slipped off, and the lies started coming out. Like you, I grieve the loss of what I once had with him, even though I realize even that was an act.
We'll heal, but they'll likely always be what they are. So really, who is the loser?
"I miss the good times, and I'm still heartbroken that we won't have the future together that I'd hoped that we could have. But I don't miss the way that I've felt for a year, in limbo and feeling unloved and wondering if he had just lost interest in me or if I was doing something wrong. "
On one hand, I'm sad that we didn't make it to this point, and that we're over. It's just another reminder of that thing that I lost, and the hole left behind.
On the other hand, we always had a weird contention over our anniversary date. And after getting into a thing about it a few months back, I know that this wouldn't have been a particularly great day for me... I'd have been excited but preparing myself for his nonchalance, he'd feign interest, I'd end up disheartened. So really, I'm not missing out so much.
Still, though. I will I still had that best friend to talk to. I wish that things hadn't happened the way that they did. And I really hope that I get to a point where I can look back on our memories and be glad that I have them, instead of feeling pain whenever I think about anything that's happened in the past 5 years. I know it'll take time. I'm just too impatient, lol.
I know that you are going to be ok.
I joined a course my therapist recommended called breakups and divorce...run through catholic family services...It really helped
! 1/2 years on, it still hurts and makes no sense to me, but I am finally letting go and accepting my new life and future