I believe it..and he's gaslighting you

I don't know what gaslighting is. Can you explain?

He's telling lies making you think your crazy by trying to convince you he's "just talking" to some OW...if he's cheated before he's shown his character

weak-minded people are f**up. and they want to f** u up too. Find someone who you can trust and who is dependable to hang with. drop the losers and liairs.

I guess you could say I was the OW. I met a guy a dating website and he is married. When I asked him why he was on the site he said to meet new people he likes hearing their stories. He said he met someone 18 months ago and they are good friends they just haven't seen each other in a year. He spoke sexually to me and even when we met only 1 time as soon as he said Hi he started kissing me and couldn't keep his hands off of me. Things happened and I ended up giving him a BJ. Since he has blocked my calls. I found out he is an Elder of his church. He has been married for 25 years and I was curious if this is his pattern. When I asked why he stays married and he said because he said he would take care of her and he will until she says otherwise.

I believe that even the most dependable, trustworthy, faithful partner can have a monetary lapse in judgment and may cheat. In my opinion, that is forgivable if the partner is truly repentant, takes complete accountibility and responsibility for their actions and is willing to be completely transparent in all things.

However, when a partner displays a pattern of such "momentary lapses", once a cheater, always a cheater tends to ring true.

So with him saying he met someone 18 months ago and they are good friends they just haven't seen each other in a year but things didn't happen between them like they did us. Is that considered pattern? Apparently he has talked to several from the site..

Oh, the "church elder" again. The guy is a liar and cheater and a loser. He is also very good at manipulation. If you are the OW, it doesn't matter if this is his pattern. He is married and he participated in a sexual act with you. The only thing that should matter to you is whether or not you want to continue to be a party to such sleaziness.

I don't want to. I guess I am just lost and feel betrayed because he is an Elder and wouldn't of never thought I would have to worry about a man of GOD.

A man of GOD would not have joined an online dating website. A man of GOD would not have encouraged familiarity with a woman who was not his wife. A man of GOD would not have met with and engaged in sexual activity with a woman not his wife.

This "man of GOD" showed his true colors from day 1. Had he proposed oral sex on day 1, you would have recognized him for who is was. But this is a slippery slope. Every step on the way, you probably justified your actions by saying "I'm only....". I'm only talking to him - nothing wrong with that. I'm only meeting him for coffee - nothing bad about that - we're just friendly. By the time you had his penis in your mouth, it was just the natural progression of events he had planned from DAY 1.

Learn from this - it is a very valuable lesson. And then FORGET ABOUT HIM.

Think about how disrespectful you are being to yourself! You deserve better! He's married, he shouldn't even be on your radar!

And yes, this guy is a pattern liar/cheater. There probably are many other BJs he's received from many other women.

I'd love to hear the hypocrisy oozing out from one of his sermons.

I think we have to start viewing sex different. The science and the facts are in. A vast majority of men AND women cheat - deny it all we want - it doesn't change it. Its just true. I believe in science. And statistics. What do we define as "cheating"? Some people think pornography is "cheating". Some people think having opposite sex close friends is cheating. Most marriages end in divorce - not always because of infidelity, but still - statistically we are all more likely to have 2 or more long term relationships in a lifetime. If we are human, we are always a very likely candidate to cheat - both men and women. Read the statistics and science in this research (a well written and entertaining yet educational book) - "Sex at Dawn" ; website - www.sexatdawn.com, written by two PhD Anthropologists - it lays out the scientific truth that humans are made for loving more than one person, biologically and psychologically, and historically we have only been attempting to force the square peg in to the round hole of monogamy for about 2000 years - only a few seconds in the million + year history of human life that we know of. And the science shows this forcing causes neurosis, stress, sadness, and ultimately divorces. I am not making excuses for infidelity, I am speaking the scientific truth. But many people refuse to listen to science.

People are not animals and can live truthful to their vows. It's what makes us above animals . I don't buy the whole biological bullshit about cheating . If you want to leave the relationship fine do it honestly.

He went on the dating web site for only one reason to meet innocent women like you. I used to be on a dating website and I came across some men like him. Don't be fooled by him. There are better men out there that are nice, trustworthy and monogamous. Take care.

I can say u was the world's biggest cheater. I cheated on my first wife with a girl and left my great first wife for her. We had a baby then and I was perfectly loyal. A loving, adoring man and 11 years later she cheated on me and left me for another man. I am devastated as our son is 9 and I have him most of the time in my home. Fortunately we never legally married. I still always called get my wife. I guess karma got me. But I grew up when our son came and devoted my life to my family. The cheater fits in with most of the borderline personality disorder traits. The red flags were always there but I never accepted it. So the answer to your question is "No", not all cheaters will always cheat.