Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
A very short history about me and my situation first. First off, I can count my past relationships (serious ones) on one hand. Have always taken long breaks between them to heal, a couple times it would take me years. I am okay with being alone once the emotions settle down.
Waited until I was 33 to get married, marriage lasted just over 5 years. Caught her in an affair with the neighbor's husband, and the woman was her friend which was the reason for spending so much time over there. Substance abuse, the adultery, all of the lies, should have been too much for me to give another chance, but the day before I went to the lawyer to start the divorce I called her to make sure this is what she wanted. Very open with her on how I felt and poured my heart out to her. Didn't get the answer I was hoping for so started the divorce.
That hurt, a lot.
She brought 2 kids into the marriage, we have none of our own together. I have none prior either. Her son asked to stay with me for now which I agreed to, the daughter went to her dad's. She has not called or texted me, except on one or two occasions during all of this and it wasn't to talk about us. She's living with the guy from next door now, somewhere else though. 2 divorces are in progress now because of all of this. So, our story all comes to a close next month when the divorce becomes final. Clean break, and will have no further contact with her or the kids.
Still waiting for a sincere apology.
My question, is that when should I expect to start making real progress ? I am happier now, and in a much better place. Very ready to start dating again, but scared to death all at the same time. Having to go through something I thought I was done with for the rest of my life, it's debilitating. Nearly 40, I know life isn't over, and by all accounts a catch, I just don't feel like it sometimes. That's where I feel stuck. Like I'm waiting for something. I don't even know if there's anything anyone can say I haven't heard before, just needed a place to pour out what I am going through.
Waited until I was 33 to get married, marriage lasted just over 5 years. Caught her in an affair with the neighbor's husband, and the woman was her friend which was the reason for spending so much time over there. Substance abuse, the adultery, all of the lies, should have been too much for me to give another chance, but the day before I went to the lawyer to start the divorce I called her to make sure this is what she wanted. Very open with her on how I felt and poured my heart out to her. Didn't get the answer I was hoping for so started the divorce.
That hurt, a lot.
She brought 2 kids into the marriage, we have none of our own together. I have none prior either. Her son asked to stay with me for now which I agreed to, the daughter went to her dad's. She has not called or texted me, except on one or two occasions during all of this and it wasn't to talk about us. She's living with the guy from next door now, somewhere else though. 2 divorces are in progress now because of all of this. So, our story all comes to a close next month when the divorce becomes final. Clean break, and will have no further contact with her or the kids.
Still waiting for a sincere apology.
My question, is that when should I expect to start making real progress ? I am happier now, and in a much better place. Very ready to start dating again, but scared to death all at the same time. Having to go through something I thought I was done with for the rest of my life, it's debilitating. Nearly 40, I know life isn't over, and by all accounts a catch, I just don't feel like it sometimes. That's where I feel stuck. Like I'm waiting for something. I don't even know if there's anything anyone can say I haven't heard before, just needed a place to pour out what I am going through.
Go at the speed you need to, not the speed you want to. It took me a long time to figure that out. That's just my opinion. Good luck to you.
when i feel like that, i see it a sign to add something new. to jump a bit more into my present life.
since you don't have kids, you might want to aim for women who don't have kids either. the relationship would a whole lot easier.
@Prospero: You are right. Life isn't a race, and I am expecting too much of myself too soon. As much as I tell myself and others that I'm over this, deep down I am still hurt.
@ Verne386: Good points. I will keep those in mind when the time comes. I'm hoping once next month rolls around then the papers will be final that I'll finally be able to fully exhale, maybe give me a new spring to my step. Perhaps that's what I'm waiting on.
@Janice: Good luck on the date. :)
And if that's the case, then take the next step and get yourself out there & meet people. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, let things happen.
good luck!
there is no way that she is going to have a face to face with you - or herself. your only option is to release her to live her life as a warped childlike woman who lives in denial.
meanwhile, you have a life to live so you have to purge her out of your system so that your load will lighten back up again. after that, rebuild your own life on solid ground with adults for a change.
I think when you decide to let go of her, and stop thinking of an apology of any kind you will be on the road to healing faster.
Good luck.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))0
"i love both of you."
translation: she was wacko.
you just can't expect much from a wacko person.
@ Janice hugs are always a good pick me up, thank you.
Letting go. Now that's something I wasn't able to consider until after I pulled up her rose garden and set it on fire. Good fun. Getting back to being the man I know I am rather than who she set me out to be, that'll be my just reward, and for someone that's deserving. :)
As difficult as it is to make the first few steps, you are very much deserving of having someone in your life who doesn't play these types of games and who is self assured of who they are.
Your ex is certainly not showing any of these qualities.
((((((hugs))))))
i am glad you are in a better space now and hugs are coming your way.