Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Anonymous112211 06/02/2017

I ended up going to the hospital 2 am Thursday. Sever back pain, I knew it was a kidney stone. The docs were really effecient at getting me comfortable, CT scan, and scheduled for surgery.

My wife has told me she wanted to know if I had any issues (she has been aware of the blood in urine for over a month now) and has told me how worried she was.

Living on my own and having to get myself to the ER by myself was sobering. It really makes you feel the loneliness in all its glory. I started texting my wife around 3 more to keep my facts straight with the meds. Had to let her know that I couldnt get the kids off to school. She offered to come up and be with me. I did not know what to say, but I knew the hospital wouldnt let me go home with outsome. So I accepted. She took her time getting up there, almost missed me going in. Was an awkword moment. hug / not hug / kiss? We did none of it.

The surgery i guess went well. They placed a stint and blasted the stone. They told us that I coulndt stay home alone the first night. So I went to our house. I was exhausted and wanted to nap. She did too. I slept in our bed, with her in it. I was hurting and she was kind enough to provide some comfort. At bed time, it was different. we still slept in the same bed, but she stayed in her side and me on mine.

Today, my dad picked me up from the house to drop me off at the hospital to get my car. I must not have been ready to go, by the time I got home, my pain spiked to a 10. I had texted her to let her know I made it home to my apartment but I was still in pain. She offered to have me stay the night again (in case something happens).

I feel so confused. I hear the things she says. The offers she is making and it feels like the love is still there. But then again, it is just a glimmer. So I guess If I want it, I need to find a way to nurture it and make it grow. But then it feels like I am doing all of the work.

I dont know if any of this even makes sense. I hate feeling so unsure what direction my life is going. And now this damn stone...

cautiously.optimistic 06/02/2017

Hey man. Sorry to hear about what you are going through. Last year during our first round of "finding herself" I came down with shingles. Not as bad as you see on tv but the stress bikes over because of work plus shitty home life. The pain started in my neck went down my left arm and then blisters on my hand and body.
Similarities here are that when I told her I am leaving work to go to er she was right there. Kind of same thing. "Hey you ok?" "What can I do to make you more comfortable". We went a few more months of separation the.ln she put the rings back on and thanked me on our anniversary that I stuck by her side. Things got better. Even our intimate life came back....well enter 2017..... round two....
hard to say what to do man. I do believe that our wives love us but there has to be another agenda. Maybe it truly is they just need to spend some time on themselves. Get that independence feeling back but man at the expense of our pain and self pity?
Life knows how to throw curveballs.
Best of luck sir.
Here if you need anything?

Tranquility 06/02/2017

Have you tried talking to your wife about how you are feeling. Communication is a key component that so many people often overlook. If she is able to be talked with easily, I would suggest finding out what she is thinking. It does sound like she cares by being there for you. Also depending on what she says, maybe marital counseling could help you two get through whatever it was that led you to where you are at this time. Best wishes to whatever you may decide to do.

Anonymous112211 06/03/2017

Thanks Tranquility, yes I gave. Communication is with out doubt the worst part of our relationship. I talk, she doesn't have much to say.

jojored 06/03/2017

Just be careful about reading too much into her being there for you when you were very sick. I really can't stand the person my ex is, but I would drive him to the hospital and offer for him to sleep at my house should he be in a similar circumstance. He's someone I used to care about, and the father of my children. I would help many other people I know, too, in the same way. Doesn't mean I want to get back together. I would rather eat glass than that! Hope your health is improving.

Anonymous112211 06/04/2017

Jojored, see this is why I am glad I post on here. For people to keep me grounded. Not to let hope in. Not to see something that is not there. Thanks. I did get the night time text checking on me. But nothing today. I think I agree with you, just kindness of the old love, but nothing else. And as much as much body still hurts, I'm keeping it to myself. Hopefully the pain will go away soon.

jojored 06/04/2017

Ah, the body. It betrays us sometimes after we've inflicted so much stress upon it. It is scary to be without another adult when something medical happens, but that's what cell phones are for. And medical alert necklaces!

mirandac 06/04/2017

I think that is one of the hardest parts of being
Alone after a long term marriage. No one has
your back and you no longer have someone
there legally and emotionally.

Its a very unsettling feeling. I don't even like to
look at obits it brings out that feeling for me.

Anonymous112211 06/04/2017

If nothing else this event gave me a chance to look back in to my old life. I'm amazed at how fast things change. Some for the better. Some, just different. I noticed that my wife laughed at more things, and appeared genuinely happier. The dog just couldn't stop loving on me. I don't think the way my wife was, I don't think it was an act, for the most part I was out of it, so why pretend?. Just little things that I noticed. If my not being there gives her, and the kids that much better of a life, then who am I to destroy the happiness they are building. I wish I could do it with them, but that time may have passed. Strange, but I'm not upset much by it either. I guess if you do love someone, you have to let them go.

mirandac 06/04/2017

If i was you i would think coparenting would be my
guess, once my Marriage turned unpleasant there
was no going back or fixing It. The damage was done,
there were resentments, hurt and pain on both sides.

With us it was our emotional Intimacy was gone and
that is a very slow death in a marriage. It would have
Taken some real hard honesty and very deep changes
years ago to stop the marriage from dying. HUGS

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