Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I can't stop obsessing over my ex. Especially when I'm home alone at night. This used to be my favorite time of day to unwind and pig out and surf the net/read/etc. I was perfectly content doing these things alone even when he was in my life. Now- I can't eat. Everything I see, hear, smell- reminds me of him in some way. It's a long story. We have a three year history of heartache and romance, but never this particular brand of heartbreak. Don't get me wrong -he left me fucked up- used me- abandoned me- broke me- more than once. But never for someone else. There was never another person involved- it was always for his own selfish, sociopathic ass. This time though.
He gave me a half assed confession this past Sunday about hanging out with a female coworker "friend." It was bullshit (the friend part). He knows that- and I know him well enough to know that, too. Believe me, I know.
But he would never fully admit to what was really going on- and how he really felt. Huge fight- he wound up blocking me on his cell phone- and we haven't spoken since. That was Sunday. I missed work Monday and Tuesday throwing up over this. Physically and mentally and emotionally just WRECKED. I found the coworker on social media and that was a MISTAKE. She's so damn pretty, and seems really cool. I can't get her face and name out of my head. He'd told me all about her- as a coworker- choosing his words and information carefully (I realize now- after becoming acquainted with the real her via technology). I was not the slightest bit concerned about her when I believed his conveniently innocent descriptions of her, and their interactions at work). The oddest thing though is- and this may seem conceited after my description of her but- I swear- the girl is pretty much ME. From looks to attitude to taste- what I can gather from social media anyway.
So now- still today, and since Sunday- cut off from all contact with him- I'm left alone. Slowly but consistently having gut wrenching realizations. About certain moments in the past - what was REALLY going on. Piecing together the most painful puzzle, cringing and crying as more pieces lock perfectly into place. His words, attitude, actions- that I was oblivious to in the moment but - in hindsight- totally make sense. It's TORTURE.
I've sent him emails pleading because- idk- I guess I thought that if he could just ONCE be completely, brutally honest- just spit out the truth- if I could actually hear it from his mouth- I could QUIT OBSESSING and start to gain some acceptance. Not a word back.
I'm so angry and I'm so hurt. And I'm even more angry that I'm so hurt. Again. This is most definitely taking an expensive toll on my mental and physical well being. I just want these thoughts to stop so I can move on. I want this lump out of my throat. I want the constant stinging of impending tears to retreat from the backs of my eyes. I want to not walk around feeling like I was just punched in the gut every second. I want to stop wondering.
Worst of all though, and hardest to admit, I still want HIM, more than I want any of that. That is probably what makes me the most furious and sick.
There's no going back from here. But these thoughts- and how they affect me- this SHIT- has to go.
I can't live like this. So angry. So sad. Heartbroken. Full of the heaviest emptiness. Paranoid. Obsessed.
I can't live like this.
I won't live like this.
I am getting better. I know in my head I deserve better than he could ever actually give me. My heart tells me otherwise.
Some days are better than others. Hugs. Feel free to PM me
I'm four days in to zero contact it's hard but I know in the long run will be for the best .
wish I couldn't see them on social media makes it harder to have absolute zero contact hope your feeling better soon
You also need to stop dwelling on what he might be telling others. WHO CARES? Your self worth is not subject to his slander. And shouldn't be.
Been there, done that, don't have the t-shirt becasue I'm trying to forget. Not my finest hour, you know?
We get addicted. It's some kind of addiction. And it's a real object lesson. All those horrific realisiations are us becoming sane from a postion of not sane. We didn't see the world as it was. Now we do. OMG we sure do.
It sucks arse, as my daughter would say, but that's okay. That's life. I'll give you a promise.
If you can keep yourself stable, by which I mean no dating, and no chasing this guy (no more bloody emails got it?) until you are whole inside yourself again, and calm, and centred, and back to your relaxed happy space - then you will never fall for this type again. Whatever it was about him that addicted you to him and allowed him to do all this crap without you dumping him - that will be debunked. And all guys like him will automatically be weeded out by you going forward. They just won't be runners in the race.
That's my promise to you.
I don't think there is a fix for this. There just has to be a holding on, an enduring.
For me and I imagine for many of you an added hurt is that the hurt is not shared. They have moved on. They are in a happy state. They are holding someone else.
For me though, I will not let the fact that my ex is now irrevocably gone make me do something that is not honest. I will not run out to get a date. I will not pretend I am "having a blast". I will feel my feelings and try to endure.
Eventually the place we want to be at is indifference. There is no time frame on the arrival too, which make it doubly hurtful. We want to move on with our lives but we are stuck.
Accept what you are right now. accept your feelings. And then ask yourself what can you do right now to respond in a peaceful and loving way to those feelings.
For me, right now, I need to clean my bedroom. So as painful as it is to move, I will try to clean the bedroom.
What do you see in front of you that you can do something about right now?