Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Proverbs31 09/28/2016

Hello, I'm new here.. my husband cheated on me last year but I just found out 10 months later. Their is also be a baby involved but the mistress is not coming forward to us, nor is she requesting for DNA test. My husband says the baby is not his. She has told a few of her friends that he is in fact the father but she will not talk to us. We tried calling and reaching out on Facebook but no response. She does not live in town. I'm a Christian and I want to do things right before giving up on my marriage. I pray but this is really difficult to take in and even worst because it seems that we cant move forward without knowing about the baby. We have been together for 12 years and married 8. Many emotions..

jojored 09/28/2016

First off, I'm sorry you're suffering this way. I'm a bit confused, though. Are you saying that if your husband is not the father of this baby, you will take him back and continue on with your marriage, but that if he is the father, you do not want to continue your marriage?

If he's not the father, are you OK with the betrayal? You can forgive him? Did he admit the affair, ask for forgiveness? Go into marriage counseling with you? Or does he just want to sweep everything under the rug?

Knowing that he cheated would be enough for me to end things, baby or no baby.

Proverbs31 09/28/2016

It would be easier to work through without a constant reminder of a baby.. however, it seems like he wants to sweep it under the rug and move on with our life.

mirandac 09/28/2016

Have you talked to your minister for counseling
On these issues or would you go to a therapist ?

Reconciliation is difficult at the best of times Add
in a possible child out of wedlock. You Have a
complicated mess. HUGS

charliegirl815 10/03/2016

I can't imagine what you're going through.... Infidelity is difficult to process. You shared that you're a Christian and want to do things right before giving up on your marriage. What do you mean by do things right? Please consider seeking out a Christian counselor to help you and your husband. Men and women process things differently, and that's where the counselor can help you. If the other woman has chosen not to reply nor request a DNA test, is it possible that the child is not his? Whatever the outcome, having someone to help you work through this trial is important - to your mental health and relationship. Feel free to check out this link http://bit.ly/2dzIjrFhelpfulinfo

trueblue 10/03/2016

In my opinion, and this is just me, I would set an expectation with your husband that he attend marriage counseling with you if he wants to stay married. Anything less doesn't demonstrate repentance or a willingness to change.

samantha717 10/03/2016

I think I'd get therapy for myself too in addition to the marriage counseling. I would feel like I needed my own private person to vent to and talk about deep down feelings with. I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing everything I thought and felt with him anymore because he would have destroyed my trust in him. His wanting to sweep it all under the rug is a huge red flag to me, like he's not willing to take responsibility for what his cheating has done to you. It reminds me of my own stbx. A few years ago, he asked me why I was so unhappy in our marriage. I told him everything that I'd been holding in for years ... all the pain, hurt, anger, and betrayal I'd felt for over 20 years came spilling out. He listened quietly and then said, "Okay, I've been a d*ck of a husband. Now how do we get past that?" I was floored! It was as if he thought just taking me out to a nice dinner and a movie was going to wipe the slate clean! Throughout my marriage, I have struggled to forgive him over and over again only to have him hurt me over and over again. I was becoming more and more depressed. One day, I spoke to a pastor friend of mine about the subject of forgiveness and he said something that hit me like a brick. He said, "Jesus was all about love and forgiveness, but he never let anyone use him." WOW! That and Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" totally opened my eyes. I wish you well in this situation. If you decide to stay with him, don't take the responsibility for fixing your marriage on yourself. The breakdown of it wasn't your fault. Make him own it. Let HIM get into counseling on his own and be responsible for keeping his appointments and doing all the hard work required to earn your trust back.

katiecares 10/04/2016

I am so sorry. I am glad that you are a Christian; because Christ can give you the strength, comfort, and direction that you need to get through this. Please talk to your pastor, and seek out counseling for yourself and your husband. I know the pain and betrayal that you are feeling; but you must come to a place where you are willing to forgive. There can be no going forward without forgiveness. I care, and I will be praying for you....

Misred 10/04/2016

I suggest you continue to work on the marriage in spite of the pregnancy. The cheating is a symptom of something going wrong in the marriage. There are many couples who survive this. Don't put everything on hold waiting to hear anything.

Call Focus on the Family and speak to a counselor who can guide you 1-800-A-FAMILY

Their website: http://family.custhelp.com/app/home

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