Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have looked at many of the posts on this site and am not quite sure if I fit our not. All of the posts I read seem to come from the perspective of the one who was left behind, the one who was the 'victim', the one who was cheated upon. I don't fit any of those, I was the one that left. No, I am not a victim, no I was not cheating. I left a 30+ year marriage because I could not live a lie anymore. I spent so many years in a relationship that I did not want to be in mainly because I have such low self-esteem and a belief that I will never find myself in a caring, loving relationship where the feelings go both ways. I left the marriage four years ago, no we are not divorced, no we are not even legally separated. I found the inner courage to leave a situation that I could no longer live with but after having done so I have never found the courage to move on and really find a different life. I immerse myself in my work in order to give myself the illusion that I have a life. I dread weekends for the lonliness and isolation that I feel. I am still legally married and such a social misfit that I can't bring myself to even begin to figure out how to go about dating at my age. Even with all of this I cannot fathom going back to where I was.
do I belong here? I don't know if there is anybody on here that can relate to what I have gone through an what I continue to go through?
do I belong here? I don't know if there is anybody on here that can relate to what I have gone through an what I continue to go through?
Regardless of the particulars of the situation, victim or non victim, cheating, no cheating, it all doesn't really matter because your describing a "breakup" none the less. So with you talking about you've left your wife, that's a breakup, and that's what this group is setup for, it's setup to help people deal and cope with divorce and breakup's, so yeah, your in the right place!
So stay right here, get to know the group members and keep posting, there's lots of good people here who are more than willing to try and lend a helping hand, and a sympathetic ear when needed.
Good luck....
My ex had an affair in 2010 and we tried to work things after out but I never felt like it was quite right. Finally I got sick of it and told him I wanted out. He didn't put up a fight or try to do anything different so I'm positive he would've done the same thing again. He didn't have the nerve to ask for a divorce or separation. I'd probably still be married to the louse if I didn't speak up.
I give you a lot of credit for leaving instead of taking the easy way out and cheating. 30 years is a long time to be with someone which is probably why you're having a hard time letting go. If you can afford to see a counselor, maybe that will help.
Keep coming her and getting it all out. Sending support.
http://thevarmps.tumblr.com/
I left my marriage, initiated it and wanted it, because my ex husband was a liar, gambler and probably a cheat. He could have fixed all those things at the end, and he tried (sorta kinda), but the feeling was gone. I was so not even remotely romantically interested in him anymore. I wanted to really LIVE again. So, regardless of whether or not your stbx, did any damage to the relationship, you need to live a life of your own choosing as well.
I applaude you actually, because it takes guts to leave a 30+ yr marriage,in order to experience an authentic life.
Finish it off if you can..get the divorce. Clear the energy to free yourself to move on. It's scary to get out there but there is nothing scarier than being in limbo out of fear. Find some Meetup.com groups in your area, if you can. Join something centered around your interests and you will start making friends in that type of environment then maybe think about dating after you got some social legs to stand on. There is also a dating website called Ourtime.com which caters to an older set (not sure how old you are) but there are all ages on all the websites.
Good luck!
I'm sorry you find yourself here, but it is a place of healing and you will find lots of support, advice, wisdom and tears here. We are all in different stages of healing.
hugs~
I was with my first husband for 31 years and initiated that divorce due to his infidelity and eventually physical abuse.
This place saved my sanity. I came here to read stories like mine, stories worse than mine (yea, that's shallow but hey sometimes you need that kick in the rear that says 'You just think you have the worst life in the world. Think again.')
I stayed because I found genuine human beings here capable of giving comfort and even a few laughs amazingly enough - during their own time of pain. Together we sorted out a few things, made some mistakes, got our feelings hurt, learned important facts and boy did we laugh. That's all a part of being a community. This community just happens to be bonded by the same issue - a relationship that you had so much hope for has ended. How it ended doesn't change the fact that there is always pain when a relationship ends. Sometimes it's masked so heavily in anger that we don't feel it (kind of our own little defensive mechanism). But, there is always pain, loneliness, feelings of low self esteem a loss of confidence in our ability to judge others... you name it. Both sides of a break up feel these emotions though some will never acknowledge it.
I'm back because I find myself on the brink of divorce #2 after just 2 short years of marriage. Can you guess what I didn't learn; though so many tried to counsel me? I didn't learn how to communicate my needs clearly and I fell into the trap of over-compromising to keep the peace. If very few people want to go through divorce #1, I can assure you that NO ONE wants to go through divorce #2. The only thing worse is STAYING in marriage #2 without being true to yourself.
So, grab a comfortable chair, an open mind and a sense of humor and sit a while with us. What else have you got to do that's more important than finding out what makes you tick.
Thank you for the advice and acceptance. I really do appreciate the responses.