"What a piece shit" it is good that you see him for what he is.
Such a turd is very calculating and skilled at playing.

Maybe feeling single to him means casual dating. You'll never have the answer you are looking for. I've been married for 25 years today, only he left me in February without so much as a goodbye. It's not you. And he was enjoying the relationship with you too. But typical nonsense and a a failure to commit puts people like us in a very hurtful confusing place. Just be gratefully that you didn't marry this jerk! It could have been much worse. So grieve as long as you must,then get back on the horse and ride emotionally cowboy! Trust me... your one of the lucky ones! Prayers to you Sandra.

Meeting people online i think has a lot
Of these traps just like yours. He has
Found a Way to meet his needs.

You were looking for a more solid Relationship
not just FWB. He might have had others
at the same Time too, You just dont know

Take care of yourself talk to a therapist
If you need to. They can steer you And
Help you if needed. Sometimes we Just
need a little help coping.

Hugs and take care of yourself

(((((( Sandra )))))

Players are nothing new, but with the internet they now have an expanded playing field

Live and learn from this.

I'm into old fashioned courting from now on, and anyone not willing to put the time in isn't worth my time.

Scary thing is he's back out there. Did he portray himself as someone looking for a LTR on his profile?

Reading many of the horror stories here, I often think about the fact that these people are going to be back out there, seeking someone else to suck dry and jerk around.

I'm quite certain none of them put "I'm feeling old and down on myself, and seeking someone to boost my ego and make me feel like I'm desirable. I have nothing to offer said person. I like video games and being catered to."

There really a should be a review site for serial daters. Like angieslist or the BBB.

The internet has brought a lot of people
With addictive personalities and just plain
sick people of all kinds new access to normal
Regular folks.

Its like the criminals in prison using computers
They find ways to scam and cheat people and
find vulnerable And needy women all while they
are incarcerated.

One girl in divorce care, met her now ex on match
.com Guess what he liked porn and other women.
She had no idea until she caught him.

Sorry if others like online dating sites, i looked to
See if my ex was on there too besides his GF. I
Dont know if he would sink that low. I really dont
Know him anymore or what he is willing to do.

Hugs take care of you

(((((( sandra ))))))

Clear day...that is perfectly said!!! Love it. That's exactly who I am married too. I feel bad for myself and all the women that I find out he's talking too.

Sandra:

Please don't take this the wrong way; I'm not ignoring your pain. But based on the way you described him, my first thought is I'm glad (and you should be thankful) that this didn't go any farther than it did. He doesn't sound like someone to be trusted obviously, and my fear is that if this continued on with a deeper level of commitment, something really bad could have happened. There's a lot of guys out there who are really sick puppies, and unfortunately dating sites give them a place to prey on women. But, I do acknowledge your pain, and I am sorry. I am not into dating right now - the last time I was dating was before the internet as we know it existed. But the impression I get from you and others is that it's a dangerous world out there, and we have to be extremely careful, and cautious.

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your support. Yes I agree that internet dating is treacherous but for some of us it's a useful medium to initially meet people. I met this guys friends, we did lots of stuff together so we didn't just live in a virtual world. I don't know if the end result would have been different if we'd met in a supermarket or at the office.

I'm glad that I won't spend much more of my life with this guy but the pain of his lies will hurt for a while I'm afraid. That he used as a reason for our breakup his need to be ALONE, his feeling better ALONE, his feeling SINGLE inside and then to run onto the dating site at the first opportunity made me question everything that we shared together. Who are you looking for if you feel better/prefer to be alone? It just sucks and I know time will heal this wound. For now I can just take it one day at a time and be glad I got out now ....

I'm so sorry that happened to you. My first reaction is that he's a con man. Who knows what he gets out of these relationships ... money, sex, whatever. I can pretty much guarantee you though that you haven't heard the last from him.

Yes, the Internet is full of abusers and whack jobs, but I had no problem finding them on my own before the Internet even existed. Thank God he showed you his true colors before you married him and/or had children with him. My stbx used to tell me about some of the women he dated before he met me and how they all wanted to marry him, but he wouldn't so he left them broken hearted. I don't know if any of that's true ... he is (or was 25 years ago) a good looking guy and he can be very charming when he wants to be ... but after being with him for a few years, his abusiveness began to come out. I remember thinking about those poor ex-girlfriends of his who had cried their hearts over losing him and I thought man, I took a bullet for those girls; they have no idea how lucky they were.

He doesn't deserve a wonderful woman like you. He's like some spoiled kid who got an expensive car for his birthday and then drove it into the ground because he couldn't/wouldn't take care of it.

Thanks Samantha. I must say that this group has helped me. Yes I have my bouts of crying and feelings of despair and physical gut wrenching pain. And I have such a strong urge to call him, to hear his voice, to ask him why, was it me - yes I have doubts, I want him back .... then I re-read what I wrote and the comments and I remember how I felt when I wrote it and how I felt when I started to discover who this person is and I don't want him back at all and I want no contact.

I need to stop myself from checking his FB page - but I can't yet. I need to sever all contact but I'm not there yet. I'm just going moment by moment because of your support here.

Thank you all so much.

When we split with someone, I think all of us want to really know what was what so we snoop around a little bit so we can make sure what they told us was the truth. Many times, it may have been the truth even if they are sleuthing on dating websites.

You asked: "If he feels single why is he on the dating website?" Well, he reason for being on there is most likely not the same reason that you would be on there. He is trolling for women, (or maybe men), to comfort him while you were not looking for hookups but for a partner or someone you can spend time with exclusively.

So to me, it makes sense he is back out there AFTER you split. The whole reason for him being on there the week prior, thats a whole other ball of wax. My guess on that was that he left his profile up, he was contact by someone he found interesting, so he logged in, started communication with this new person and is now logging in to talk to them. That would be the main reason I would see as to why he said he feels "Single" inside. Because when someone else contacted him, he didn't turn them away or feel strongly enough for you or the relationship you had to not have an interest inside. Where to him, if he wasn't feeling like he was single, then he wouldn't engage with other women.

So maybe he is being honest. It hurts , I know, but in the end he may have been honest but not fully disclosing the reasons he felt that way or had the sudden change of course.

With the wedding coming up, and him talking to his friends, they could have also encouraged him to take a break. That if he was seemingly finding himself into other gals, then maybe he wasn't on the same page as you and they gave him advice that led to the breakup.

I think what hurts the most is you were in it for a relationship, where he was not and is wanting to test the waters still. Like someone else said, he could have been dating still through the whole time you two were.

So maybe, in the end this was the best. 2 years is a long time to have someone in your life, be emotionally then physically connected just to have them disappear in the blink of an eye. Thats why online relationships seem to hurt the most. You don't always have the readily access to them to get the closer or information you need to move on. So you struggle to find that. Then you look at their online profile and the salt gets poured in the wound. which then will take you longer to settle or come to resolve in your own head and heart.

its one of the toughest things to handle but you should know, you can handle it and will get through it. Many of us here have and have come out better in the end because of it.

welcome to the group

Hi ChiTownBear - thanks a lot for your contribution. Very sobering. You may be right, that his interpretation of feeling single was because he (continued) to engage with other women. Surely it doesn't explain the I feel better alone thing or any of the other things he said. It's hard for me to see honesty in what he said to me. And reading what you wrote and even thinking that he was cheating the whole time we were together is sobering and just makes me angry!

In any case, like you said we obviously wanted different things and I will come to accept that once the fog clears I'm sure. I need to somehow detach from the 'online stalking' of him because it's not helpful for me.

Today I just want to smack him. Such a flipping coward and an emotional retard!

Online dating is a lot like selling something on Craigslist. You have to wade thru the scammers, and the crazies before you finally have a good experience.