Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Not Doing Good Today

vawmcole
vawmcole
So yesterday, my oldest son and I placed the rest of my STBX's possessions on the porch for him to pick up. It's hard to believe that 16 years of marriage fit in 2 large rough totes. I watched him from the window as he put the items in the car. At one point he looked angry and then his looked changed to sadness. I felt sympathetic for the first time since he left us.

Today has not been that good. He has been on my mind constantly. I want to call him and tell him, I love him and that we can work it out. Then I sit back and think, no, you can't do that. He told you he did not love you anymore. Communicating with him would just embarrass yourself because what you had is gone. It is this reality that is hard to deal with at times. How can someone just throw a family and a marriage out the window like that?

It has been a hard morning and I have cried a few times already. I however, do not feel bad about crying because I have not done it in a while and it feels good to let it out. I loved him with every fiber of my being and I am looking forward to the the day when I can look back at this experience and say it has made me a stronger person, but also be able to forgive him for the pain he has put us through.
Missy73
Missy73
I empathize completely. Don't feel badly for wanted to reach out to him (although I agree you shouldn't do it). You shouldn't be embarrassed by the way you feel. He should feel embarrassed for not manning up doing what it takes to work on your relationship for the sake of your family. You will be a stronger person when all is said and done. I hope you forgive for your own sake, so you can let go and have the life you deserve.
cab720
cab720
Oh wow I am so moved by your post. Hearing you say how you want to call him and work things out but he doesn't love you and has given up on the marriage. That is how I feel too at times. It is all so sad.
yougospam
yougospam
Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine the pain of watching them get their things, I would be a mess....mine came and got his things while I was at work, my daughter was home so it wasn't a complete shock when I got home. You loved that man for many years, it's perfectly normal and compassionate for you to still have some feelings for him, it shows the goodness of your heart. Go ahead and cry and cry, tomorrow will be a better day, we're all going to have bad days, we just need to get thru them the best way we can. It sounds like a lot of you had rough weekends!!! Hope this week will be better for us all.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Hang in there. Being on the short end of a break up certainly sucks but we will all get through this! I had a totally shit day yesterday but today was 180 better.. Capped off by an awesome dinner my daughter made tonight. There are blessings around us, we just need to focus on those and remember not to give the people who split on us the power to make us miserable. I know this will take time..just keep battling, it has to get better there are so many people that break up everyday, it's new for us now but we will survive. We have to for our kids and for ourselves! *hugs*
Retrogirl
Retrogirl
I hate that whole heart/head war thing. I've been dealing with it a lot...Hugs* Ok ..so you had a bad day. Some of the days are going to be really bad and some will actually be good. Just tell yourself..you are heartbroken. It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel loss. It is okay to hurt, but allow yourself to heal. Don't hold on..don't bask in the why? Just focus on the what is. My heart is broken as well.. I cried and cried and cried everyday for the past few months...but today...today felt better..different. You are going to have that day. Just hang in there. I have had many days..I left Ron's stuff on my porch last week( the last of it)..I left though..I didn't want to see his stupid face....he didn't want to look at me..too guilty.........but I know the scene must have panned out the same way. You will be okay. You will heal. You are not alone. Keep posting. Big hugs*
happymama2j
happymama2j
i have felt exactly what you are describing. i have so wanted to call him, or more write him a letter, and tell him that we can work it out. that i love him. because in spite of all he has put me through, i still love him. it embarrasses me, because he has done some pretty effed up shit. but, like you, i know that i shouldn't, and WONT do this. he left me, he walked away, he gave up. so i press on. and for the most part, it gets better. but i know it will take time. what you are expressing and feeling, i think it's pretty normal. it hurts and it's hard, but we can make it, we can make new lives for ourselves and our kids. you deserve the happiness that lies ahead of you. big big hugs to you.
butterfly1234567
butterfly1234567
I also was moved by your post, I can relate to so much of what you said. Wanting to call , but knowing he is not in love with you anymore. Wanting to keep the family you have made going.

Hang in there girl and continue to be the strong mother that you are. And I agree with Retrogirl, you are not alone , keep posting , we are all here to support.

Peace and Blessing
milliejay
milliejay
SUX - Yes, it sux when love isn't reciprocated or ppl don't love us like we deserve/need. I feel your pain and like the others said, hang in there. These bad days are normal and I know it's hard to get through them but we can't get to a better place w/o these bad days. You'll start feeling better and have less bad days with time.
You said something powerful "he told you he did not love you anymore" - we can't fight that no matter what. So all you can do is be strong and stay on path. Better days are ahead.

Receive a cyber hug.
Tessa93
Tessa93
The man you loved is gone. He is not the same, by saying he does not love you anymore means he is not the same man you fell in loved with. That man has gone out of this planet. Love and care for yourself because right now, the guy you are grieving don't give a rat's ass about you. Hope you feel better soon.
vawmcole
vawmcole
Thank you all for your words of wisdom and encouragement. While I understand there is no such thing as closure, seeing my STBX removing his items from my porch did afford me a sense of realization. He is gone and he is not coming back. I can honestly now move forward. I feel more determined to make this new life for me and my boys the best it can be.
aral2003
aral2003
I went through the same thing when mine came to pick up his belongings, only mine came into the house and there was a sheriff present due to an order or protection against him. He was angry at first as well and this also turned to sadness before he left. He even told me that I ripped out his heart. That ate at my heart for days and I eventually gave in and called him. Now I am stuck with him begging me to work things out and I feel guilty. I should have just let him be.... dont let your emotions overcome you.
RossHomes
RossHomes
vawmcole...I do understand your feelings..This brings to mind many instances that I felt the same way. I just wanted to say those things and just mend it somehow .But it takes two and alcohol meant more than the lengthy marriage we'd had..A marriage vow that I very much was committed to keeping .But realized some things and couldn't follow his lead or trust his word anymore...