I dont know how to start this, recently my life has become more complicated than I can bare. I had been in a mostly happy relationship for almost a year, but things started to fall apart, me and my now ex-boyfriend didn't live together, he lives an hour away from me and this caused some problems. I'm an extremely depressed person and I need someone to be there for me, I had asked him to come and live with me numours times, telling him I really needed his support. I looked into houses and offered to pay all of the rent etc. but he never swayed, moving was too much work, he didnt want to look for a job in my town, so I did, I found him several job options but he always found another excuse. I was so lonely. flash forawrd and he introduces me to his best friend, who only lives a few blocks away from me. At first I did'nt think much of him, he was just some guy in his twenties who lived at home. However, this all changed. Me and this giy started to hang out occasionly, we like alot of the same this and it was nice having someone who was willing to walk over whenever I was feeling down and needed company. Then one night I attemped suicide, nothing new for me it happens alot, I always chicken out. Anyway, this guy found out and ended up running over to my place to check on me, no one had ever done that for me; as you can imangie I ended up developing feelings for him. I told my best friend who had recently started talking to my ex because of me, she decided that she needed to get closer to my ex because; who knows. this is when everything started to become really messy. The closer my friend got to my ex the sadder I became and the closer I got with my ex's friend, but this made my ex sad but instead of telling me he would just get closer with my friend. One night I ended up drinking a bottle of vodka to myself and told my ex's friend I liked him, I made it clear though that I didnt want to cheat. He told me he had liked me for a long time but agreed that we both couldnt do that to my ex. I should have just broken up with my ex, but I was still in love with him- I still am in love with him. Things progressed and I was still hanging out with my ex's friend, then oneday I went to go and stay with my boyfriend for awhile and when leaving forgot my facebook open on his computer. Instead of asking me what was going on, and dispite my constant effort to talk to him about our relationship, he went through all of my messages. He seen us flirty talking a bit and he got pissed (Mind you my friend would hardcore flirt with him daily at this point- he made no effort to stop that). He ended up coming out to my place and we went to his friends house. There we agreed that with my mental state the best idea was to take a break so I could figure things out, this didnt go a smoothly as hoped. we all took turns being alone with one another to talk about how we felt, both boys were going off about how much the hated the other and how the would die if I didnt pick them. (You tell me if thats fair)  

Now me and my friend are fighting. She keeps doing this thing where she'll go "I know I'm horrible, I deserve to die, do what makes you happy, blah blah blah" this is all because she's trying to get together with my ex, I know I should'nt care we're not together. I cant seem to help myself tho. I feel like all three people are playing with my feelings now. They all keep telling me to do what makes me happy, but nothing seems to make me happy now. Each time I do anything one of them becomes upset. I have extreme guilt issues, and abandoment issues already and they all keep making it worse. I really dont know what to do at this point.