Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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rjl45 04/01/2015

We've mutually decided to separate after 20 years. Unfortunately have to live under same roof (she in guest bedroom) and probably won't officially divorce for financial reasons for another 12-18 months.

We made this decision in mid January. How long will I keep having these constant change of feelings and attitude throughout a day? It seems like I'm nervous, sad, disappointed, excited, relieved, angry, jovial, etc all in one day. Obviously some times certain emotions last longer than others.

I know she has a "boyfriend" online (doesn't live around us) who occupies her time via email/text. Again, part of me is okay with it, parts of me want to throw it in her face (she doesn't know I know) and tell our teenage kids, etc. That's obviously the "angry" and "vengeful" part of my thinking. Bottom line questions: is all this natural? Am I too erratic? How long will this last?

Thanks for any and all replies.

idontmakeherhapyenuf 04/01/2015

I believe you are doing amazingly well by your description, considering the circumstances. Stay kind and honorable. Strength and peace to you.

broken234 04/01/2015

While I don't have to live with my husband I can't seem to get away from finding out about the OW. It drives me crazy. I love him, I hate him, my mind and body go through several different emotions every day. I think it's absolutely normal. Hang in there. It's bound to get better.

Aries1958 04/01/2015

No you are not erratic in your though process. The fact that she lives in the same house with her and witnessing what she is doing; texting, emailing boyfriend does not help.

Think about the individuals that you will be hurting if you do not contain yourself. You are doing an excellent job!

Hugs to you.

sja 04/01/2015

I think you are doing great! The wide range of feelings could last a while, but you sound like you are holding up well. Just hang in there. These things will get easier and eventually you will be more at peace.

rjl45 04/07/2015

Thank you all so much for your support, thoughts, etc. I feel so much more comfortable in this format. I work in law enforcement and my face and name (unfortunately) are very well known around my part of the state. I feel like I can share more here and can open up freely.

I have a best friend who I can confide in, and she has 5-6 people she talks with, but I wonder if the reason she gave me for us separating is the same one she told them. I have since learned that she and her "boyfriend" (that lives many states away) were emailing/messaging like a couple (both intimate and casual) or spouses for 2-3 months BEFORE she sat us down for our discussion to split.
My friend asked if it matters. Great question. I don't think it does. But I do feel VERY strongly that she should be honest about what finalized her decision and not mask it with something else. My own internal "pity party" thoughts I have want to throw the boyfriend in her face. But I haven't. And not sure if I will. Leads to a million questions that probably can't be answered.

Any further thoughts or suggestions will, again, be VERY appreciated.

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