Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am an introvert and seeking help is out of my norm. After comming back from a trip to pay respects for my Mom, my wife told me that she wants a separation. I begged lets try to make this work and setup an appt. with a marriage counselor. Last night, she told me that this marriage is not worth saving. I was begging that we should not give up. The pain was too much that I went to the extreme and tried to hurt myself in front of the kids. This morning, she put our issues on the back burner so she could have tea with her friends.
the thing about relationship is its two person thing so to make it work, both need to "want" to be in a relationship. this isn't something that can be forced onto another but you can try communicating with her to see what the underlying issue is and if there is any misunderstanding between you or unrealistic expectation she has about relationship in general etc.... ultimately, she needs to be in same page as you for this to work in long run. Even after all the talking (or completely blocking all communication with you) she is set on leaving, you should let her go as its only going to make you miserable at the end where you will run 2 person show all by yourself (make all the effort, time, energy, consideration etc...)
Just like it’s given that one needs to have ‘faith’ (being able to trust that another will do the right thing without the guarantee/certainty) on another to enter into a personal relationship, its also given that the ultimate outcome of the relationship is never guaranteed in the first place.
When one ( or anyone) enters into a relationship, it’s given that there will be some level of uncertainty (risk/variation) at play and outcome is not 100% reliant on one’s own effort in the relationship.
I believe your unhealthy attachment to your partner got something to do with your denial/ignorance of such fact and the desire to control the situation in your way when it never was under your full control in the first place.
You can try being more dedicated, caring, more rational in your approach etc… but it can be pointless if another person just doesn’t see that, unappreciative or simply already made up their mind about what they going to do (dead set on it) and blocks everything
Lovingladyo gave some good advice as concerns not hurting yourself as you're special and your family needs you, even if your wife doesn't believe so right now.
But moving on to her last and most important advice, if you do pray, ask Jesus to do what man can't. No one can really change another persons mind and heart (no acts of trying to change their mind=manipulation as lovingladyo rightfully called it). You may influence the change by your actions, but truly only God does the permanent change on the inside, so I'd also recommend going to Him.
I would also strongly recommend that you seek counseling (whether a trained church pastor, marriage counselor or psychologist) at the very least for yourself, as you are under much pressure with the loss of your mother and this news. Know this though, no matter how you feel right now, all things are temporary. Situations change and wounds can heal.
Hope is not lost for your marriage. Seek out counseling, pray and be strengthen by friends, church (if you attend), etc., so that you can be a source strength to your family during this difficult time. I'm reminded of a scripture that says, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Amplified Version of 2 corinthians 12:9 (first part) and that's why lovingladyo suggested prayer, that's where you'll be strengthened. Regardless of the outcome, I pray for you to be comforted, for wisdom in your actions, and peace in the midst of the storm.