Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have read and heard amazing stories of how some people have risen from their ordeals to make their lives much bigger and better than they were earlier. Rowling went on to become an international , hugely successful woman with her Harry Porter books after she was a lowly paid teacher , divorced with three little kids. Armstrong who went to win 7 tour de France after his battle with cancer. And more .
They turned their lives around, making their obstacles and ordeals into stepping stones. After my marriage breakdown, I am mostly at the same place as I was before. I did go and get myself a degree from a foreign university, all the way in Sydney...something i wouldnt have dreamt of doing but spurred on because of this turn of events.
But i havent used this degree and still work in the same shitty buiness school where i taught earlier. I've made progress in coming out of the initial shock of finding out that the reason behind the marriage breakdown was a woman who i was made to believe for 4 years was not in his life anymore. I have made some decent progress in healing from the severe depression i suffered from, thanks to better treatment from a different doctor. Even though i hate my job, i carry on as that the right thing to do.
Even as i list out some 'good things' i have done--i feel they are not enough, cos there's been no major 'turning my life around' stuff or a misfortune to a success story in my case. I am the same person at the same 'level' as I was before my ordeal : thought i would make up for this loss by becoming a real strong and successful woman--however, this has not happened which makes me feel like a total loser. Advice anyone?
They turned their lives around, making their obstacles and ordeals into stepping stones. After my marriage breakdown, I am mostly at the same place as I was before. I did go and get myself a degree from a foreign university, all the way in Sydney...something i wouldnt have dreamt of doing but spurred on because of this turn of events.
But i havent used this degree and still work in the same shitty buiness school where i taught earlier. I've made progress in coming out of the initial shock of finding out that the reason behind the marriage breakdown was a woman who i was made to believe for 4 years was not in his life anymore. I have made some decent progress in healing from the severe depression i suffered from, thanks to better treatment from a different doctor. Even though i hate my job, i carry on as that the right thing to do.
Even as i list out some 'good things' i have done--i feel they are not enough, cos there's been no major 'turning my life around' stuff or a misfortune to a success story in my case. I am the same person at the same 'level' as I was before my ordeal : thought i would make up for this loss by becoming a real strong and successful woman--however, this has not happened which makes me feel like a total loser. Advice anyone?
I say congratulations on being normal. Congratulations on proving that yes- life DOES go on.
I hope you are seeing a therapist.
Were there rainbows and unicorns when it happened? Was there cake? Ummmmm no. It was just a realization that I wasn't carrying so much angst and sorrow anymore. It opened up doors and windows and let light in.
You know how you can take not being sick for granted? You get a horrendous stomach bug and you're throwing your guts up for days. You just want to die. Then the morning you finally wake up and feel a little hungry, you are elated. All you are is normal again, the way you were before the nasty flu hit, but you're SO happy and appreciative of it.
That's what it's like. You'll get there.
Getting a degree is successful.
Surviving a terrible divorce is successful.
You have a job--great! Read about some of the folks here who can't find a job, have no health insurance, no money.
Yes, I am still in a lot of ways the same person I was before my divorce, but in SO MANY WAYS I AM BETTER. I don't have a verbally/emotionally abusive husband beating up my self-esteem every day. I get to make decisions and do things I value and not have to justify them daily. I get to look in the mirror and see a beautiful, smart, funny lady every day, and don't have to hear the cutting remarks about my hair, clothes, makeup or demeanor. I am writing a book--he would have scoffed at that.
No, I don't have millions of dollars in the bank, like JK Rowling and I haven't won the Tour de France. But I am a winner because I got through the most devastating life event that has ever happened to me.
That's worth more than any amount of money or trophies.
Gotta find the silver lining.
If you truly feel the way you do, perhaps more counseling may be helpful.
Sending hugs.
I am grateful I got away from my abuser in one piece and now have peace in my life. I still have stressors in my life, but that is life.
It is all in how you look at it. Chin up....hold your head high and give yourself some credit. Very few ppl that have pulled themselves out of the mire climb to the top and become millionaires...that just comes with a whole new set of problems. I prefer quiet and simple which is a much better place than where I was at!
My life for the past 15 to 20 years at least had been filled with so many really horrible experiences and was so miserable on so many levels, it is the determination not to continue living like that which is motivating me to find ways to make sure it is different.
I am pushing myself to try things that are a little out of my comfort zone at times just to see how I cope, and I have surprised myself and the experiences have been fun.
As this year dawned I decided that I was the only one who could change my life and my situation. So I am making a concerted effort to go to my support group meetings every week to keep me motivated to improve me and make the necessary changes in my life so that I can be happy and free to enjoy who I am.
By doing these things I am discovering who I really am, because I had got somewhat lost in my 28 year marriage and in raising my 3 kids. I am testing the waters to find out what I do and don't enjoy.
Why don't you challenge yourself with taking small steps outside your comfort zone every so often and that way you will realise how capable you really are and will discover new surprises about yourself?
Breakups bring out the worst self-pities. Rejections make us feel inadequate. Is there something wrong with me? Probably... No, definitely! But there is also so much good in me. You have a bright side too my friend. Believe it!
personally, i think that i would ditch the business school teaching job and find a way making money as an artist where you can be around fun artistic types all day.
hahahaha... now THAT was a funny statement!
I say make a plan to do something with that degree you got and as Larry the Cable Guy would say "get 'er done"!!!!!
*cautiously hands it to her*
:D