I started NC though I did crack ... But this quiet time of limited contact, has been good cause she did state that she def wants no other man in her life , today though I have realized how I had been treated and her excuse to break up with me , was not one hundred percent valid in most of my friends view, realizing this it's been good cause I no longer torture, blame myself nor have guilt ... If she comes back now it is because I honestly don't want to talk to her ... Which makesNC all the better, if she does call well I will have a take it or leave it attitude , I see clearer and better now .... I agree about dignity and pride with u brother, get on with things and push along .. No more suffering :)

I had an old girlfriend once that phoned me back after 6 months ... By that time I had changed my phone nber and moved on, I found this out years later on .

Good for you JD33. Yea it's tough but it's the only way really. I know there are those that don't believe in NC on these forums but I really do. It sucks...but it's the only way and yes....I do believe that it's the ONLY WAY of really getting somebody back...if thats what u want. Remember....they broke up with you so let them make the first move and yes.....dignity and pride!! Lets live our lives ...no let other dictate for us!!!

I am trying to go no contact but he won't respect my decision to not be his best friend any more. He called me just to ask me for a phone number. I told him that since he stabbed me in the heart and destroyed me that I just can't keep helping him and be around him or even talk to him. He doesn't understand this, or how much it hurts me. It seems like he thinks things should be how he wants them to be. Me to be his everything while he is out screwing everything. Each time he calls I am back to square one, it takes me a couple of days of no contact to even start to be calm and relax a bit. Your idea of dignity and pride really hit me, I feel very used and thrown away I think by talking to him at all I am giving up my dignity and pride.

Lianname you are so right!! Have the courage ...the pride...the dignity ...to say you know what..you walked away from me!! Keep freaking walking!! You see....after reading so many posts and reading about heartache and getting over somebody that has dumped us I realize that in the end we have the power to make decisions for ourselves. Sure...it hurts...it's tough...but we have one shot at this thing called life. Lets use our energies to help ourselves and MOVE ON. It's the only way. Tell him goodbye...dont' answer his calls...do WHATEVER IT TAKES. DICIPLINE...DICIPLINE...DICIPLINE!!!! It will pay off IN THE END!!

There really is no way for mine to contact me except snail mail. I swear it's the best thing I've ever done. I literally cannot heal, cannot work on myself, give myself time, without NC.
I was reading in a book lt night to have NC for 2 months. It's not easy. But every day it gets easier. And he has NO idea what I am doing, thinking. He doesn't deserve to know! Maybe he doesn't care, but I don't know that either. And honestly, I shouldn't care. It's hard not to, but that's all a part if the greiving process, it will fade when I become the center of me, not him.

And if it's meant to be, it can't be right now anyways. I have to be stronger and better and heal before I can ever start giving again- whether to him or someone else.

OK, here's the thing about the "no contact" theory. Yes, it's a great idea, you go days, weeks, and maybe, even a month or two without contact, you start feeling better, things are cool, and BAM, he calls, you two talk, have one conversation about memories and what if, and there you are, back to square one. I answered his text because he said he had to talk about the legalities of the divorce. You have to talk to settle things out in a divorce.

Do you have to talk about things in the divorce? I am expecting a letter from his Atty, and I plan on contesting or agreeing. I dint want to hash the crap out with him, his Atty can take care of it. There really is nothing to talk about. He already got his crap out of my house. We don't have kids together.

Stay strong! I did it and am still doing it. I am much happier not dealing with the drama and stress. Don't be disappointed if she does not contact you, but know you are doing the right thing. It's hard as hell but why put more stress in your life. Healing is easier without nc. HUGS Good for you!

no contact is the only way to stop more pain from piling up on top of the hurt thats already there.

We need to start repairing our self esteem...and its hard when shit just keeps hammering on us.

No contact is good for all partys involved......but it is for you first.
Your healing and inner strength is priority....your doing it for you.

As soon as the inner child within us sees that we care and are committed to its healing...it will start feeling the peace.

The wondering of what the other is doing, thinking, saying, and who they are seeing will start to go away.

Guilts and resentments will fade.

Being vulnerable, emotional, and loving someone is always a risk. But the moments when its good makes it all worth it. We are supposed to love.....we are grateful that we have experienced the closest thing to heaven there is on this earth.

I couldn't agree more. When I left my husband I got a restraining order. The ultimate in "no contact". It was the very best thing I ever did. I have continued to keep our contact to the very minimum and it is so helpful. In our case, the marriage was toxic and it was very nice not to have any contact, so I wasn't missing him like many of you. I know that's different.

However, I later had another relationship which was a very good relaionship but had to end due to circumstances. We kept in touch and tried to be friends awhile, but it kept lapsing back into a romantic relationship. This was really hard on both of us. It hurt so very much without him (esp since he was such a support in all the other stuff I'm going through) but after a few weeks, I can see that it was the right thing to do. You don't make much progress in changing and healing if you're hanging onto the past.

I think it definitely depends on the situation or the person too. I know that NC helps to a point, but like someone else said, you go for some time with NC and then one day you get hit with something like a question about the court stuff, or dealing with house, children, etc. So while NC is great and helpful, you certainly have to prepare for the fact that you will have to, AT SOME POINT, talk to this person, for whatever reason. I think if you're not prepared, then it feels like you get knocked down and have to start all over again.

Every time I thought I was doing good, she would contact me about the house (we are selling it) and I eventually had to explain to her why I needed the NC to heal and that it wasn't anything personal and I wasn't trying to be mean. So she understands now, and she gives me my space when I need it, but I also know and prepare myself for the fact that I will always have to talk to her at some point. Until we sell our house, and sign the divorce papers, she is still going to be a part of my life, whether I like it or not and until that time, I can't ignore that. So I face it head on, and come out stronger for it. And it's almost to a point now where I think I'm getting desensitized to seeing/talking to her. And I start to realize that she doesn't have to always have this power over me. Because I can be strong in knowing that I'm a fighter, and she is the one walking away.

So, I agree that NC is great, but know that you will always have to face your demons at one point or another. But you just hold your head high, stand firm, and show them how strong you really are. I know, easier said than done, but I think with time and practice, you'll get there. Good luck to everyone.

i agree totally pilgrim...i think thats the way to go when circumstances make it that contact is inevitable.