Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I resisted responding to any of his messages until about 2 hours ago when he said i'm crazy...that i made the whole thing up and what i saw in his phone wasnt true. Of course he ranted on about how much he loves me and want the future we discussed and planned for....i'm sorry but i had to respond. I'm not making any excuses. I know we all grieve differently and i admire those that can go no contact for the first few weeks. I'm proud i made it four days. We had a blow out back and forth for 2 hours and he still has yet to cop to what he did and apologize. Honestly i feel a bit lighter after letting out what i wanted to say to him; i ended the text saying i wish you and her the best. He text me after that saying i'm acting like a child...i did not respond and dont plan to. I feel like me getting out what i had to say gave me a little bit of strength to resist responding to him anymore...(or at least for today).
I dont want him but then i do...i know he loves me but if you love someone you dont cheat on them and then cant even have enough respect for me to admit and apologize. Then i ask myself, what if he admits it and apologizes? then what?? are you going to go back to him? and right now i honestly dont know how to answer that. I hate him so much for destroying us and then on the other hand i think of everything we been through together; but then i also think why didnt he think of everything we've been through together before he did what he did? To go back i think i would need him to call the girl in front of me and tell her he has a woman and is breaking off whatever they had going on...then i would need to know where he is all the time if not at work...but then i say to myself, is that really the kind of relationship you want?? and it's not. I want to be happy...the way i used to be happy with him before i realized i was living in fantasy, a bubble.
I dont want him but then i do...i know he loves me but if you love someone you dont cheat on them and then cant even have enough respect for me to admit and apologize. Then i ask myself, what if he admits it and apologizes? then what?? are you going to go back to him? and right now i honestly dont know how to answer that. I hate him so much for destroying us and then on the other hand i think of everything we been through together; but then i also think why didnt he think of everything we've been through together before he did what he did? To go back i think i would need him to call the girl in front of me and tell her he has a woman and is breaking off whatever they had going on...then i would need to know where he is all the time if not at work...but then i say to myself, is that really the kind of relationship you want?? and it's not. I want to be happy...the way i used to be happy with him before i realized i was living in fantasy, a bubble.
I also sometimes think I want him back, but it's just jealousy. I broke NC a couple weeks ago and thought I wanted him back (weak moment) he told me he wanted space and didn't want to be with anyone and that he broke up with OW, but he actually didn't. I ended up looking like the one that couldn't move on, and now I regret it. I have went back to NC and feel really good about it this time, he will miss me and realize this OW can't replace me. I confronted him when I first found out and he still couldn't tell me the truth even after I had cold hard proof. We deserve better than these people, we do not deserve to be lied to, manipulated, and cheated on.
Good for you for staying strong so far. NC is hard but so so so important. I too realized I was living in a bubble, I sometimes want nothing more to reach out to him and work it out, but he hasn't changed, things would be the same as before. Staying NC is helping me realize he is not the person I thought he was and he can't talk to me and cloud my judgement. It also makes me look and feel strong, and prove to him he can't get to me and that I am not participating in his drama any longer.
Sorry for the bit of a rant. I was inspired by your strength going NC. when you said even if you got back together you would need to know where he is all the time.. And that's not the kind of relationship you wanted. And also where you said he couldn't even have enough respect to apologize and admit it. That gave me strength to continue on with NC and reminded me I am doing the right thing.
Stay strong! And stick with NC. All the best!
For me the easiest thing was to block him in all ways possible to stick to NC, I know it bothers him he can't check up on my fb page and I know he was. This is just my personal experience and what works best for me. I realize strict NC isn't always possible.