Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So it has been just over 2 months since my STBX walked out on me without warning for his mistress 18 years his junior. Friends, family and all you great peeps here on the board kept expressing how important it was to go no contact (which is especially easy for me since we have no kids).
But did I listen.....NO! I continued to send text messages, just to see how quickly he would read them (yes on an iPhone it tells me exactly what time he reads a text message), I would send emails, look at his Facebook, etc. I was obsessed for almost 2 months with this type of contact. One week ago today (also the day I found out I was the 5th wife not his 3rd) I decided enough was enough. I sent him a text last Friday to let him know that I knew about all he wives....and that was it! I have had ZERO contact with him for now one week.
So here is my advice for those new peeps just going through this process...please listen to the advice of no contact. The last week has been the most healing, the most happy I have been in over 2 months. I wish I had gone no contact earlier. It is very tough, but once you get through the first couple of days it is all down hill from there. One thing I did the first few days was anytime I felt the urge to reach out to him, instead I would write it down, with the promise that if in 24 hours i still felt the need to tell him, I would. I never once sent any of those words I wrote down.
Be strong...go no contact and the reward will be worth it!
But did I listen.....NO! I continued to send text messages, just to see how quickly he would read them (yes on an iPhone it tells me exactly what time he reads a text message), I would send emails, look at his Facebook, etc. I was obsessed for almost 2 months with this type of contact. One week ago today (also the day I found out I was the 5th wife not his 3rd) I decided enough was enough. I sent him a text last Friday to let him know that I knew about all he wives....and that was it! I have had ZERO contact with him for now one week.
So here is my advice for those new peeps just going through this process...please listen to the advice of no contact. The last week has been the most healing, the most happy I have been in over 2 months. I wish I had gone no contact earlier. It is very tough, but once you get through the first couple of days it is all down hill from there. One thing I did the first few days was anytime I felt the urge to reach out to him, instead I would write it down, with the promise that if in 24 hours i still felt the need to tell him, I would. I never once sent any of those words I wrote down.
Be strong...go no contact and the reward will be worth it!
When the relationships or marriages breakup, a spouse/partner may feel they have the right to phone, text or e-mail the other partner/spouse any time they want, as often as they want and state whatever they want.
WRONG. The other partner/spouse has rights and part of that is to not be harassed by the other partner or spouse. In fact, some go in for restraining orders to stop it and all the phone bills with the list of times called, the copies of texts and e-mails all provide great evidence to the court to get that order to stop the contact.
It clearly points out the partner/spouse doing all the contact is obsessive and out of control. Sometimes its hard to look at ourselves and realize we may be going too far. Everyone, think before you act because you may just push the button that puts an order against you and that will get brought up and used against you in the divorce.
It was actually more freeing to write it all down....full disclosure on my feelings, not watering in down....but not sending them. I kept them all.
Deb
She writes me and I tend to write back 3 or 4 times
Am learning to back off
WRONG.
Don't let them feel like they are your whole life. You are a valuable person and you need to get out of the toxic situation, let go of the pain, and focus on positive activities and thoughts, moving along to a better future.