No contact must be difficult, and I know not hearing from him on your birthday was probably very, very painful. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, but as I've said before, you deserve a lot better than someone who refuses to contact you on your birthday.

My wife's birthday is coming up right before Christmas. Guess who the chump is that bought her not only a really nice birthday gift, but also very thoughtful Christmas gifts? Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I really do.

I don't understand why you would expect a text on your birthday if you are getting divorced. To me, that would just make it more painful. How can you heal and move on when you are still rooted in the past, begging for crumbs of affection from someone who has already moved on? You deserve so much better than that. It may not feel like it now, but that's because you are letting your stbx define your worth, not only to them but to the whole world in general. You are seeing yourself from their perspective and it is very skewed.

I understand how difficult no contact can be. It amazes me how my stbx will not speak to me about anything either (even though we are still living together). He also just had a birthday and I bought him gifts and a card (even though he was the one who said he was moving out). I don't understand how someone can not even acknowledge your Birthday and/or Christmas when going through this and not divorced yet. I have also bought a few Christmas gifts for my stbx but I am sure he has not/will not get me anything even though he will be there with me and the kids on Christmas morning. I think it just shows what a cold, selfish person they can be....I'm sorry that your Birthday had to be like that this year.

My birthday is in 9 days and I am hoping that my stbx doesn't wish me Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas. He texts me and says he knows we can be friends, how can we still be friends at this point when you don't want to be married to me anymore and your not willing to go to counseling and work on the things? How can we be friends when you have broken my heart so many times and caused my whole world to come crashing down around me? I have maintained the no contact with him. I am sorry basnime that you are hurting. I know when my b-day comes I will be bawling my eyes out as well, but today the roller coaster ride is taking me up the mountain. Oh by the way. Happy Birthday Late!

Sorry B but I guess we all need to lower our expectation when it comes to our STBX. I did not buy mine Christmas presents and don't expect one since he never did anyway.

I have to address my accountability partner in my head Samantha! As you see my post was not completed (sub conscience error or not). Samantha you are soooooo right. He left, it is over move on. I think I was looking for one last bit of hope and it is gone.
Thank you ladies for the sympathy. The holidays and birthday are triggers. I did receive the most beautiful bouquet of flowers from my mentor, who went through a painful divorce years ago. Thankful for this site for the doses of tough love and shoulders to cry on. MD you are our proverbial knight in shining armor. We would all be lucky to have stbx husband or husband like you!

JuJugma thank you!! Happy early birthday.

Basnime, at this point, I would be suspicious of any gestures he made reaching out to you. I would wonder if his new gal pal or whatever plans he made had fallen through. I would be afraid he was looking to use me again until he found greener pastures. I am not saying your stbx is like this, but that's how 23 years of living with my stbx has taught me to think. People just can't turn their emotions on and off like a faucet. The first holidays are definitely rough. Try to find new traditions to make with your family. I honestly have been enjoying this holiday season far more than I have enjoyed them in the past, which has been a complete surprise to me. I am not sure why. I think it's because I see a light at the end of the tunnel and for once, we don't have to fake the happy family routine which was always very sad and stressful for me.

You are reading my mind. I totally feel he has some sort of online addiction going on and will regret dumping his family. I know darn well that this marriage was not the marriage I wanted or deserved. I agree he is a user and never grasped the importance of family. Family is so important to me. I will find new traditions and I will be the happy and whole person I was prior to marrying him.