Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I've posted in hear before so I am sorry to overwhelm you guys but I'm really struggling and I'm just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences. I have been dating this guy for two years and my anxiety constantly sought reassurance. I wanted more of a commitment from him of some sorts, anything. I have sent him texts in the pat few weeks trying to break up with him as well. He broke up with me unexpectedly two weeks ago. I begged him to stay. He said we could try working on things. He was out of town for a week and we had plans for dinner. Before dinner he sent me an email saying that he was doing this in a letter because every time he has tried I have threatens quitting my job or hurting myself which i partially may have done because I can't imagine him not in my life in some sort of aspect. In the moment I hate myself. The letter ended with this " I would like to get together in a couple of weeks and talk in person, but until then I think this is best." I can't say I'm shocked but I can't imagine him in my life. Besides maybe not being on the same page we are best friends who enjoy each others company. I want to believe him but my anxiety is horrible. I can't do daily activities anymore. He told me in the past when I have threatened to break up that he would always want to be friends and he cried about this. I do know he loves and cares about me tremendously. I thought things were going better because on the trip he was telling me how he would take me to get my nails done, we made weekend plans and discussed a trip to San Francisco. It's been a week now. I want to go crazy. I miss him. I feel like I ruined a beautiful soul. What are your experiences with a set time of no contact????? Please share
My understanding of No Contact (NC) is that the person who goes NC can be doing so for many reasons. Of course, I cannot say why he is doing it, only that he has chosen to do so.
The timeframe for (NC) is usually forever. Whether the person who goes NC stays NC is another story.
But please don't let that get your hopes up. He is sending you a message and it appears that he is trying to do it gently. I know it is hurtful and confusing.
Please take this time to take good care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve & honor & accept your feelings. As sucky as it is, the only way past the pain is to go thru it. I
t would help a lot for you to get counseling with a qualified therapist who specializes in grief and co-dependence. (that may end up being two different therapists) The simple definition of co-dependence is when we become so attached-enmeshed-entwined with another person(s) that it affects us in negative ways like not taking good care of ourselves, self-harm, stuffing our feelings, allowing their moods to affect ours, etc.
Therapy can help you work thru your feelings in a safe & validating environment. It can also help you to reconnect with yourself and detach from the other person. In addition to therapy, you might also want to check your local area for CoDA meetings. These are 12 step groups that help those who are co-dependent focus on themselves instead of others. You may be surprised at how many of us are co-dependent. ;-)
A very wise therapist once told me that in order to have a healthy happy relationship with someone, we must first have that with ourselves.
Please take good care of you!!
~healing hugs~
I am currently struggling with a very hard breakup of a relationship that was over a year. I find it very hard to picture the future without him but that is what I have to get used to. I too feel like I've lost a best friend. I think the reality is that post-breakup friendships don't really work, and you shouldn't bank your hopes on that. It may, I'm not saying it can't...but work on yourself first and then figure that out later.
I really reccomend finding a therapist. For me it feels best to talk to someone.