well as the title suggests nothing has changed other than my health.  I'm currently off work sick as I've a bad chest infection which I've ignored for weeks as the thought of not having work to keep me sane was too scary but for the sake of my children I admit defeat & am trying to rest.  Im so crippled with loneliness & fear.  Sometimes I can't breath with worry.  I hate who I've become.  I now recognise that my stbex is a narcissist & this is the result.  I don't feel suicidal but I don't want too keep living like this.  I'm sick of the woman he has turned me into.  As a young girl I went travelling & worked abroad on my own without even a grasp of the language yet now I'm second guessing my every decision.  I'm so lost.  I really am so lonely & scared.  My husband isn't a nice man, he can pretend too be but he isn't.  So why do I miss him? Why do I miss being bullied & made to feel like a guest in my own home? Why aren't I celebrating that I have two amazing children? Although I need this time off to rest & get over this infection it's almost more stressful than not working.  I'm just so very lost.  Hope you guys are doing much better.