Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Newly Heartbroken

rebelynn
rebelynn

I’ve never joined any sort of chat room or support group until now. My story is like everyone’s, heartbroken & crushed. My boyfriend (we live together) & I stopped sleeping in the same room months ago & he doesn’t care if we sleep together, not even sexually, just sleep. He said it’s too much pressure. 2 nights ago I just broke down, asking why he won’t sleep with me, does he even want to fix things then last night he told me no, he doesn’t want to fix anything & it knocked the wind out of me, literally, I just sat down on the living room floor & started crying. What’s worse is that he was watching, he didn’t try to console, he just watched. What’s worse then someone making you cry is someone that doesn’t care if they made you cry. Then he came & slept with me, & today after work he was affectionate. Nothings different, I’m still going to bed alone. I can’t seem to do anything right anymore, I’m so down on myself & I feel so very lost & forlorn. It’s not like I’ve never been heartbroken before, I’m on familiar ground, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. Since we live together I don’t know what the next steps will be, I have a son age 12 & a daughter age 17, so we both know he’s going to be the one to go but why is he leading me on like this after seeing me cry so many days in a row. I guess I can ask why why why to the moon & back, it’s just easy to get lost in all this darkness & pain. It’s hard knowing he’s in the same house as me & doesn’t love me, he threatens to leave about once a week, I wish I could fast forward through the pain that I am going through & I know the worst is still yet to come. 

RedGreen
RedGreen
If you are willing to talk about the problems and he doesn't care, there isn't much else you can do. Assuming you have asked him already to go to a couples therapy / councilor.

Living in limbo with him still there with you is slow and surely draining the life out of you.

It's like the bandaid scenario, you are drawing out the pain slowly and likely suffering more in the long run.

Something changed for him, if he won't acknowledged that or discuss it with you, it's on him. He's can either try to work on it with you or move move out of your life.

Respect yourself dear. You have your children to think about as well. They learn alot of how to be in relationships from watching us. Health ones and unhealthy ones. Help their future relationships by showing them how to deal with a relationship that has become unexplainable-ly unhealthy.
Gutted
Gutted
He's not doing anything to you. He tried to be very clear by telling you he wanted to end it. You attempted to emotionally manipulate him by begging and crying. The fact that he's affectionate is either because he feels guilty and doesn't want to be a complete ass or because he feels pity for you after your dramatic crying display. You were being attention seeing by the way. Normally, when people are emotionally hurting they spend time alone. They DO NOT sit in the middle of the floor and cry big crocodile tears in front of the person who won't love them. I sincerely hope you are not acting this way in front of your children.

You're are not married to the man.
You said 'I have' when you mentioned kids, so they aren't his.
He's said he doesn't want to sleep with you because it's too much pressure??!!!???
He's had to watch you sitting on the floor crying 'for days'.
He's told you he does not want to fix the relationship.

Given all this, why are you still saying you don't know what's going to happen next?

He's getting clearly his little ducks in a row to leave. Once he's ready, he'll walk out the door and most likely never come back. Too bad he has to appease you with affection until he can find some other place to be.

Now, do you still want to sit around pining for him, or do you think it's time to show him the door?
jojored
jojored
Have a heartfelt talk with him, tell him you know he's not invested in the relationship anymore, that you accept his position (you don't have to like it but you can't control it) and give him a deadline for leaving, assuming he's agreeable to being the one to go. Be civil, be frank, be honest. The longer you all stay together, the worse it is for everyone - you, him, the kids watching on the sidelines. In my case, the tension was so thick you could see it in the air. My 17 year old actually told his dad he thought it best if he left - and weak ass dad's reply was "I don't want to go, I really don't." And he didn't. Thankfully the divorce was finalized a few months after, I had a move out date put in the decree, and he left that night at 11:00 PM. He probably wouldn't have left on his own otherwise.