Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello. I am not sure I am posting this in the right section. I started seeing this guy who has been separated from his wife for about 6 months now. I was a little hesitant at first, but he assured me that he has no feelings for his ex. He also has two young children ( I do not have any children).
We have been dating for a couple of months now. At first, everything was fine. He introduced me to his children and parents pretty early on (which in retrospect perhaps was more of a red flag than a good sign, I am not sure). But now, he is freaking out at the whole thing. He is having trouble being affectionate and intimate...we haven't had sex yet. He doesn't know why he is feeling this way
So this weekend he said he would like to continue, but to continue to get to know each other as friends, and grow the relationship that way. He said that is how he will be able to build affection for someone right now. A couple of points about this "get to know each other as friends" thing:
1) It is NOT a "friends with benefits" thing...considering we are not having sex, he definitely isn't in it for the sex
2) He is not going to look for other girls at the same time. I asked him directly, and he said no
So what do you think, do I give it a chance, or run away? Everything else about him seems good...kind, smart, funny, a good dad etc. The last three guys I have dated have been an abusive psychopath, depressed stalker, and a guy who eventually confessed to being gay (at least with that guy, we ended up becoming friends). So it was refreshing to date a kind, non-crazy, non-gay guy.
Do I take the risk? Am I setting myself up? Right now, if I decide not to agree to this friends thing, I don't even want to try to find someone new. With the experiences I have had the last 4 years, I feel like I am still taking a risk to try to find someone else...that it will be another crazy guy, or another guy with issues. I would rather be alone.
What do you all think?
The only thing that I can say is that you know what is best for you. I have often read and heard that we show people how to treat us. So you have to set the tone for what you want and what you need in your relationship. If he is not willing to meet that or can't, then you may have to reconsider. Dating can be difficult and often times we settle because we don't want to be alone. However, when you settle for less, you get less than what you settled for.
I hope it works out for you and we are here if you need to talk.
*Hugs*
I can't tell you what you should do, but personally, if I had feelings for someone and they told me they wanted to be "friends", I'd say "sure", but then I would back off also, date other people and act single. I would not be there for them with the immediacy that I would if we were a couple. I'd limit the friendship to an occasional text and not meet him anymore alone in person, only around a group. Because in my mind, that's what opposite sex "friends" do. He's separated or newly divorced and probably doesn't know what he wants. The fact that he introduced you to people looked like a move toward getting serious, but maybe it also caused some trouble between him and his family and/or ex.