I feel the same. My ex and I were together for 3 years enguaged to be married in May. Though I'm only 34 I feel she was all I knew. It's hard to bee all alone. I do have my family and they have been there for me through and through. My close friends and I have been going out as well which has been nice to get away from it all.

I try (like you) to be thankful for what I have in life... my family, friends, my dog which right now is the only friend I have.

Though my ex and I were never married I feel the same as you. I think some people need to have total closure before they can move forward. So as far as being normal, I think you may be one of toughs people. You need closure.

Stay strong my friend keep your head up as hard as it is to do at time we all must stay strong. Keep going and never give up. Time will heal all pain. Be good to yourself.

Wow, I thought it was bad after 15yrs of marriage. I've been divorced for 12yrs and have just started talking to him about us. He still says he didn't cheat, I know different. Anyway, I never got over my family being distroyed and how it rested on the kid's. Maybe because my marriage now isn't great is why I long for him.

I think what you're feeling is very normal. I've been separated 2 years after 22 years now of marriage & I still have some very bad days. Initially I felt so lost. For 20 years I was a Mom who invested most her energy raising children & taking care of a home with the security of a husband who supported OUR decision for me to primarily be a Mom. (I worked part time in the evening when he was home to care for our kids). In a flash, he was gone. Initially he was still giving me the usual amount of money to live on but now he has cut it a lot. I'm now scrimping trying to get through each month. It breaks my heart when my youngest child, still at home, asks why I can't turn up the heat. He even told me yesterday he hates asking me for money because he knows I'm having a hard time. It's such a turn around from the life my kids & I were used to. Most of the time I put both feet on the floor each morning & find some joy each day but the bad days still come with lots of tears, feelings of loneliness, feelings of low self-worth. What gets me through is my faith, family & friends. My bed is littered with different devotional books, I write in this site which helps a lot, & I receive a daily e-mail from DivorceCare....also VERY good. You can sign up on their website...Divorcecare.com. My husband sent me divorce papers this past Dec. so I feel like the grieving has started all over again but now I'm anxious to get things moving because like you, I don't feel I can move ahead until I'm divorced. 4 months ago just saying the word "divorce" had me on the floor in tears. Now I'm confronting it & protecting myself financially accepting that until I get through this awful season of my life, I can't move on to a new & better season.

Welcome to the group. You will find many a sympathetic ear here. Many here have experienced what you are going through on some level and we understand your pain.

I personally understand what you mean. I'm only 30 but I spent almost 13 years with my stbx. I don't know if you were the one who left or if it was the other way around, but either way there is a tremendous sense of loss.

That person, good or bad, was a part of your life for a long period of time and became part of your brand of "normal". When your "normal" is upset, everything feels like its been turned on its side.

One thing I will advise for you, my dear, would be to find something to busy yourself. Distraction is great medicine. Additionally, you may want to consider some professional therapy. After a 30 year marriage, the loss leaves a hole in you. Talking to a professional will help you to adjust your mindset and inner monologue to more positive things... "get you out of the rut" so to speak

It is true it's not the amount of time you were with someone, its how much a part of your life they were. I have been divorced and have had long term relationships since that divorce, but it was the end of a 10 month engagement in January that hurt me more than any pain I have had in 40 years of my life.
I would say to you think of everything that is important to you. Select the one that is the most important and focus you time on that. It is this important thing that will help you start focusing on your identity. This could be the begining of you defining what compliments you bring to the world.