I just walked out of a long relationship that sounds like it was just like what you're going through. I had a wonderful, caring man who provided a good life for me and my 4 pets, but I was also dependant on him. Sex was a chore, I absolutely did not want to touch him or be touched by him in that way.

I began to resent him and eventually just ended it. I calmly sat with him and told him I wasn't happy anymore, and it ripped my heart out to do it. I will never forget how he just hung his head so defeated and said "okay".

It's been 3 months, and now that hes gone I miss him, or at least the him I fell in love with. I miss our home, I miss his voice and knowing he's there if I needed him. I constantly think about him and wonder if I made the right choice, I'm always worried about how he's dealing with it. It was like losing a limb, he had become a part of me, and I cut him out.

My mother told me to take some time to think about it, but I felt like I took enough time and was ready for it to end. Just be prepared, ending a long relationship, even if you're unhappy in it now, is going to be hard. You're going to feel worse than you do now, and I can't say how long that will last for you.

I highly recommend you have people around you for support. I had no support, and it made things so much worse. I cannot offer much more than my personal experience, but I hope it helps. I know what you will be going through if you choose to do this, and I wish you all the best and hope you find true happiness <3

I'll be frank in my feelings as if the matter is happening with me (I tried to put myself in your place), instead of writing a platonic reply. So far in my life, I have experienced that sometimes frank communication is important to clear the misunderstanding. I value marriage, vows, feelings (mine and husband's) a lot. Somewhere alone in a peaceful place, think deeply, with a calm mind that if tomorrow morning you get paralysed from waist down, then what will you do? Will you go to a hospital to get it cut out of your body permanently? I don't think so. I think that you'll try every solution possible to you. And in the end if everything will fail, then you'll be forced to accept it and live your happily in such a way that this disability will not interfere with your happiness. Of course, occasionally sad feelings could arise. But then too, your happiness will depend on how you deal with those sad feelings. Whether you let them affect your feelings or not? If yes, then too what extent?

Should everything happen as you want? Should everyone deal with you as you want? If all wants were granted to every single person in this world, then for sure an unbalance would have formed among people. How? Why don't you spend some minutes in thinking that in real detail? Why is that bad with good, poor with rich, roughness with softness etc. in this world? The whole world is working in balance? No single person can change it. If someone tries, consequences occur in such a way that balance is again maintained. Take for example: you own body. Do you intentionally breathe, digest food, make heart pump, make blood flow etc.? Of course, not. You go with flow. If you find something lacking, you solve it and work your way through it instead of removing it completely from your own body.

I am really happy to know that you are financially independent, even if it's to some extent (so what, but you are independent and that matters a lot for you (especially) and your husband). Talk to him. He is your husband of 13 years, not a stranger. If he lacks in communicating with you, make him communicate. Try to open him up. To avoid misunderstandings of communications make it clear that no one is perfect. Every person has good and bad feelings for everyone, including our own spouse. Make him see his qualities which you like and those which you don't like. Ask him to tell about your good and bad qualities. Tell him your real feelings for him. Ask his real feelings for you. Both of you make each other look back from starting to ending of 13 years. Discuss in detail everything. EVERY SINGLE THING. Take each matter and come to a solution. Do all this in a peaceful place. Not while eating, but while sitting with each other doing nothing. It might take some days to complete this whole talk, but do it. In between whenever it feels boring to anyone, make it known to the other and then make it interesting. Don't avoid, stop and quit.

Loving animals is a really nice quality in you. But, just think deeply, do you really need 4 of them? Isn't 1 or 2 sufficient? It will save time and energy from them to use it with your husband. Are you having them as a solution for your matters with your husband? If yes, then I think it's not a wrong solution. Face your matters with your husband head on. How about seeing from close any family with death of a young member? See what they go through? Try to feel their feelings. Life is unexpected. It's in your hands on how to make yourself happy with whatever is served to you (like the body, eyes, hair etc. you have, the parents you have, the family you have, the education you have, the friends you have, the co-workers you have etc.).

Be optimistic in making things work the right way. Take vows seriously. That's why they are called vows, otherwise what's the difference between vows and normal sentences. Give value to your statements. Don't say them for the sake of saying. Say them when you mean it. If something is forced on us, it's on us how we go through it happily. Others (parents, friends etc.. assist, that's where their role stops). It's you who have to proceed further alone with your own feelings. Close to your feelings will be your husband's feelings (who will help you the most) but since you are two person so two different minds with independent feelings. But you two can try to be one (as close as possible).

Well at least you are honest, now for the right time to make your move. I have no clue, so quite simply I would follow my/your gut, you may still have some further preparing to do, I wish you luck.

The qualities you describe him to have are a great foundation for a husband. The dependable, best friend is a more solid foundation for a long term relationship than someone with whom you can't wait to jump into bed. There will come a day when sex won't be an option anyway. My heart believes you will regret this and in order to defend your decision you may be likely to rush into some kind of replacement relationship that could have far more disastrous problems.

Have you tried marriage counseling? Please give that a try with the full force of your love and commitment behind it.

If you are truly done, you have a decision to make. Either stay in this marriage because of your financial situation or leave regardless of your financial situation. If you want out badly enough, you will find a way to make it happen.

I believe you need to stop and really analyze the situation. I agree with ish, ifdon't, you may want to reconsider. You may run, and end up in a relationship or relationships with people who are using you. All bc you thought the grass was greener. Unfortunately in relationships there's always one partner who loves the other just a little more. And as a women to have your husband love you and worship the ground you walk on, IS BIG! A provider, and nuturer too? You need to pray on this, bc if you walk away only to get your face puckered and body used by other men you WILL regret it even more than being in a marriage with a man who loves you! As ish said if he lacks in communication kindly talk to him about it, work on your marriage bc the grass is NOT greener. Unless your in danger, stay!

Freedomh,

If you married against your better judgement, do not have romantic or sexual feelings, only platonic feelings for him and feel that there is no common ground, and especially since there are no children involved, I support your decision to end the marriage. You are correct - both you and he deserve a relationship with someone who inspires love, passion, understanding, honesty and communication, not just companionship and being "provided for".

Marriage was not designed to be an arrangement in which one person merely provides a safe and secure life for the other. Not unless you would like the progress of the institution of marriage to pushed back about 150-200 years to a time when parents hoped to arrange "matches" for their daughters with a man who would adequately provide for the young woman (hopefully with a sizable dowry) in return for securing an heir and maintaining the proper bloodlines, regardless on the personal feelings of the individuals involved.

Ending one relationship doesn't automatically mean you are at risk at ending up in another relationship in which someone may "use you". (In fact, aren't you currently "using" your husband in order to maintain safety and security without returning reciprocal honest affection and love?). If you learn from this situation, analyze it to determine what is acceptable and not acceptable in future relationships, you will be better prepared to make a better and healthier decision in the future. Good luck.

I appreciate everyone's opinions very much.

I have talked with him and he said that he hopes I change my mind, but he wants me to do what I need to do. He promises not to be a dick to me when the time for separation comes.

To those that assumed I am looking for greener grass with other men...I'm not. I want to live alone, to be honest.

To those that suggested I have too many pets...well, you wouldn't tell a parent to 'thin their herd' of children, so...I appreciated your input, but I think we a fundamentally different in our beliefs and values. I thank you though.

Cora, you're one of my tribe, I think. Thank you for your thoughtful responses.

I am right there with you been married for 18 years long mental abuse to me and kids I'm done has breaking point told him and he is in such denial neither of us can honsue to money at the moment I'm so lost