Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I don't even know where to begin. I'm new to this and just looking for some comfort, advice and it helps to know that I'm not alone in the way that I'm feeling.
My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years ended our relationship and already has a new girlfriend. To this day he has not said to me it's over, I've moved on, we need to break up, etc. I pretty much figured it out on my own.
In February he started being distant from me. This was a person who was under me 24/7. All our time was spent together. Phone calls/texts stopped, spending time together stopped and my calls/texts were ignored. Same behavior continued in March. My granddaughter was born in March and he was nowhere to be found. I was devastated. By April I finally got a piece of conversation out of him. I said what's going on, what are we doing here. I continued to stay faithful to the relationship because I didn't know if we were suppose to be done with each other. His response was well we talked about being friends. I immediately reminded him that he told me from the beginning that a man and woman could not be friends and what is he talking about. I knew then he no longer wanted to be with me and I was hurt beyond belief.
This is a man who is severely insecure. One of the sweetest, kindest men I ever known. Never violent, rude or spoke to me in a disrepectful manner. But constantly accused me of cheating, didnt want me hanging out with my friends unless he was with me, always had to be up under me, couldn't handle me having male friends, being on facebook, snooped in my Facebook account, any man who blinked at me wanted me, etc. I dealt with this mess for three years and of course it eventually took its toll on me. I never ever cheated, talked to anyone of the opposite sex, didn't hang out with friends unless he was with me. I occasionally got on Facebook and he knew every time and would question me about it.
These are the reasons our relationship was falling apart. I was unhappy but he was okay as long as I followed his rules. In the midst of all of this my sex drive turned to zero. I tried discussing this with him and he just blew me off.
In the mean time I was still running in behind him and desperate for any piece of conversation he would give me. Never telling me he had moved on. Then I found out he had a new girlfriend because he introduced her to my friend's mother. This was in July. So I have been a wreck since then and trying to pick up the pieces and move on. We have texted a few times since I found this out (work or family related). He still hasn't said I moved on but his actions have shown that he has. The only reason there was any texting was because I made contact. I have stopped though.
I can't understand why I'm struggling to get past this. I should be happy and I know he did me a favor by leaving me. So why am I in so much pain?
My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years ended our relationship and already has a new girlfriend. To this day he has not said to me it's over, I've moved on, we need to break up, etc. I pretty much figured it out on my own.
In February he started being distant from me. This was a person who was under me 24/7. All our time was spent together. Phone calls/texts stopped, spending time together stopped and my calls/texts were ignored. Same behavior continued in March. My granddaughter was born in March and he was nowhere to be found. I was devastated. By April I finally got a piece of conversation out of him. I said what's going on, what are we doing here. I continued to stay faithful to the relationship because I didn't know if we were suppose to be done with each other. His response was well we talked about being friends. I immediately reminded him that he told me from the beginning that a man and woman could not be friends and what is he talking about. I knew then he no longer wanted to be with me and I was hurt beyond belief.
This is a man who is severely insecure. One of the sweetest, kindest men I ever known. Never violent, rude or spoke to me in a disrepectful manner. But constantly accused me of cheating, didnt want me hanging out with my friends unless he was with me, always had to be up under me, couldn't handle me having male friends, being on facebook, snooped in my Facebook account, any man who blinked at me wanted me, etc. I dealt with this mess for three years and of course it eventually took its toll on me. I never ever cheated, talked to anyone of the opposite sex, didn't hang out with friends unless he was with me. I occasionally got on Facebook and he knew every time and would question me about it.
These are the reasons our relationship was falling apart. I was unhappy but he was okay as long as I followed his rules. In the midst of all of this my sex drive turned to zero. I tried discussing this with him and he just blew me off.
In the mean time I was still running in behind him and desperate for any piece of conversation he would give me. Never telling me he had moved on. Then I found out he had a new girlfriend because he introduced her to my friend's mother. This was in July. So I have been a wreck since then and trying to pick up the pieces and move on. We have texted a few times since I found this out (work or family related). He still hasn't said I moved on but his actions have shown that he has. The only reason there was any texting was because I made contact. I have stopped though.
I can't understand why I'm struggling to get past this. I should be happy and I know he did me a favor by leaving me. So why am I in so much pain?
I have read other stories and I know mine isn't much compared to what a lot of others had happen to them. Although three years isn't long I feel like it's been an eternity and I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone.
I hope to one day post how I feel so much better and how I moved on; and one day have some encouraging words for someone else.
I'm a similar situation- the guy I was dating just stop talking to me without warning and when I asked if we were still talking he tap dances around the answer. I was the one making contact and I also stopped and that's the hardest thing I've done.
Their is a light at the end of the tunnel - stay strong.
We all grieve loss, and it is a loss even if it is a positive thing in the end. We grieve so many things. I lost my role as "husband" and that identity when interacting with others. I lost my role as full-time dad. I suppose I'm still a provider as I gladly pay my child support, but I'm no longer a protector and caregiver, and certainly not a lover. I lost my best friend, though clearly that was not mutual I guess.
You will grieve so many things and they will hit you at seemingly random times. Know it is a process and there is no set timetable and no way around it other than through it. Many hear have survived that journey and are on the up side, others are just beginning. You will find support here, make some friends and be lifted by their journeys, insights and journal entries along the way.
I'm sorry for your pain. It will pass. You will heal.