I am so sorry you have this pain and the trouble of HIS addiction to deal with also. I am here if you ever need anyone to talk to.

You are making great progress and you have made the #1 discovery that I wish everyone in a relationship with an addict could make. That it it is not your fault and not your problem and you can not fix them no matter how hard you try.

The other thing I want you to realize is how much is your happiness worth ? I mean when you spend all your life energy and time on an addict you have nothing left for you. You become a care taker and an enabler. You need to leave that life behind and think about yourself for once and your own happiness. :)

Its now time to work on you and chase your own dreams and desires and look for happiness you never knew could exist.

Big hugs to you and I admire your strength.

I second what lostsoul said. So true.

It hurts in so many different ways. For me it felt like he was cheating on me by putting his mistress (bottle) and his other addictions ahead of me. He lied pathalogically about everything, including things he didn't have to lie about. He continually risked his life, our kids lives and my life repeatedly. And yet, I still felt horrible for leaving. (by then the kids were grown and out on their own.)

It took me much longer to figure out that it is HIS problem, not mine. I tried everything & then some to get him help and "fix" him. I kept telling myself that I took vows for better or worse, in sickness and in health and since alcoholism was a disease, how could I even think about leaving? BUT, HE BROKE THE VOWS FIRST. What I finally realized is that if he had cancer, he would have been doing everything he could to save himself. He chose to do nothing about the alcoholism and lied about it as well.

The analogy I like to use is the one about him being captain on a sinking ship. He's the captain & I was a passenger on HIS ship. (Alcoholism takes over every aspect of the lives of everyone who lives w/the alcoholic.) It's HIS responsibility as the captain to make sure everyone gets off the sinking ship safely. He didn't do that. So I decided it was very wasteful, and maybe even a sin, to waste/lose TWO lives. So I left. It wasn't easy and I felt guilty for a long time.

But I'm past that now and my life is sooooooo much better. It took a lot of therapy and introspection on my part, but I am now focusing on taking care of me and I am now able to do things I never would have been able to do if I stayed married.

~healing hugs~

the real question is..is this for real? or are you simply trying to provoke or intice him to get help. Because you have to be clear what your goal is. Now that you left. Has he changed? does he want to change? you cant talk to him when he is drinking, because you are talking to the bottle and not him. Is there any time when he is sober that you can decide exactly how to proceed.

So sorry for your pain. Alcolism is a deadly disease and we cant unfortunately wish out significant others out of it.

Hello CKChism.

You are right where you are supposed to be. The pain is normal and is part of a healing path on which you are now headed. Be with it. Breathe.

It is an awful feeling. Many of us are hurting too and in similar situations.

I have been in your shoes since October 10th. While the pain has been great it is starting to subside bit by bit. I am starting to see some sun through the clouds.

This can happen for you, too.

Right now is the time for you to start loving yourself and knowing that you are your own best friend.

Even if you long for your husband, be with people who support you and in whom you trust. Treat yourself gently. Listen to music that heals you or do the exercise that gets your blood circulating and moves your body.

As much as you can be thankful for the things we usually take for granted--shelter, food, a kind word.

I have joined Ala-non. I am also taking yoga classes, going to therapy, and responding to the courageous new friends like you on DailyStrength. It is all helping!

While I am still in shock sometimes to think that my husband was on meth and that although I love him deeply, I had to part with him, I am taking steps to be my own best friend.

Your husband could not be there for himself. Therefore he could not be there for you. All the love in the world could not help him unless he wants to help himself and loves himself enough to do something about changing.

I am sending you a gentle hug and thinking about you. Know that you are brave to do what you did and think of this quote I learned from a book about Rumi:

"When you say your life has turned upside down, how do you know that the side you are used to is better than what is to come."

Although this is the dark night of your soul, there will be day. It is over the horizon and it is waiting for you.

To answer your questions 2bhealed:

"the real question is..is this for real? or are you simply trying to provoke or intice him to get help. Because you have to be clear what your goal is. Now that you left. Has he changed? does he want to change?"

At first, I honestly did think that by my leaving, it would give him a "wake up call". Unfortunately, his drinking has only gotten worse. The liquors that made him mean, are now back in the apartment (Jager, whiskey). So, no, he hasn't changed and its apparent, he doesn't want to.

Thank you all for your kind words and sharing your stories with me, as well. I've been through so many different emotions over the past several days. Some can be rather overwhelming, at times.

I also must add, that I'm in recover myself. Its been almost 2 months. I realized, for my own sobriety, I had to get out. I drank with him for many years. My mentality was "If you can't em, join 'em" type of thing. But after 2 heart attacks at 45 just a couple months ago, a change was definitely needed. Not only from the drinking, but the stress and constant heartache.

I know it's going to be a very long road to recovery for me..........on many fronts. I also know it's going to be difficult at times. I'm glad I have this site to express to others who also understand. I have a very supportive friend (a year out of a long term relationship herself) who has allowed me to stay with her until I can figure out what the heck I'm doing with my life. And, I have my cat. :)