Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hey, I am new here and I hope that this place can help me, at least a little. Okay, here I go: About 5 weeks ago my first ever girlfriend broke up with me. We were dating for a few months and it is hard to try and not fall apart. She told me that she didn't feel like she could dedicate the time and energy that I, and the relationship, deserved. She also said that she didn't think she could handle a relationship either. She said that she was just starting to get back into the rhythm of life again. She said that I am a sweet, nice, kind person and that she really does like me. At the time she told me that she would need time to get back into the rhythm of life and she phrased it in such a way that made me believe that she would come to me to see if there was anything left to salvage or restart. Or at the least let me know that she was thinking of starting a relationship with someone else.
Four weeks later I see her holding hands with another guy, whom I sorta know from sharing a previous class with him (I am in community college), and I almost threw up and collapsed on the ground where I was standing. I had to wait an hour for her class to be over before I could talk to her and comfirm what I saw. During that hour I spent some time in my car. In my car I keep a bag with a change of clothes. Also in the bag is my pocket knife. I was so close, so very, very, close to reaching in, grabbing the knife, and killing myself. The pain was more than anything I have ever felt before. But somehow I managed to not end it there. Instead I waited until she was out of class and I called her. She came to me and comforted me and I asked her what was going on and when it started. She confirmed what I saw, and she told me that it had started that Friday and that she had planned on telling me within a day or two. It was monday when I saw them.
After taking me home, I was in no condition to drive, I basically lost all energy to do anything and I felt like throwing up for a few hours... well, more like 5-6+ hours. Anyway, I couldn't eat, could barely drink, and I was this way for about 3-4 days. That same night we were texting and I was asking her all sorts of questions and she told me that when she broke it off she felt stressed and instead of talking to me about it, she ran. That really hurt, still does. She promised me honesty and trust, and then she does that.
I don't want to demonize her. She is my only real friend, then and now, and she has done so much to try and help me get through this. However, as you can imagine, it is still very painful. It is so hard right now, especially because she is posting a few pictures and what not of them on her instagram. She never did that when we were together. She sometimes wears his jacket. Never did that with me either. She also just seems to be happier with him than she ever was with me. I know I shouldn't compare my relationship with her and what she has with him, but it is hard not too.
I am sorry, I would continue but I am starting to get fatigued just writing this. I may post more about what is going on and what has happened, but for know I am going to just leave this as is.
Get yourself some help. Talk to a therapist, or a group support. Of course you are welcome here. We will do our best to support you through your pain.
Hugs.
You noted that this is your first major relationship. That is why it is so hard to get over. The first real love that one faces can be very tough. You noted that you are in a community college and I would recommend that if you are also having trouble getting over this girl to seek talking with a counselor on the campus. I know this is hard for young people to deal with, but talking with someone like a counselor can truly help. Also you will find that this site can give you hope too. Many of us have been where you are and understand, and some of us even have children your age who are also going through this in their lives. Don't be afraid to talk to others. Find a hobby that you like in the meantime and let yourself enjoy it as it takes your mind of this.
I know you may not want to hear this, but you are very young and there will certainly be others out there. Take this time for you to develop your schooling and your personal interests. Keep your head up because things will get better. Keep positive. Know you have people here who can relate to what you are going through.
I am trying to keep a positive out look and trying to get better, but it as barely been two weeks since I found out about her and the new guy. Also her and my other, not as close, friend are distancing themselves from me because I have been leaning on them a lot and not seeking professional as quick as they would probably like. That started today and a part of me feels like I am losing everyone that I am close to because of this. I feel as though I am being punished for feeling the way I do and for how I have been dealing with it so far.
But like I said, I am trying to keep a positive outlook, but it is hard. Especially when I a feeling isolated from those closest to me.
You cope and deal with your breakup. I would Go
total no contact and block her on all social media.
The more you know the more it will hurt you. You
need to detach from her so you can heal and to
move on. Keep working on yourself before trying
to date again.
The healthier you are emotionally the healthier you
Will attract in the future, HUGS