Hi, welcome to the DS B & D board. I'm sorry you are hurting, but you have found a great place to come for advice.

I'm one of the old-timers around here, and I can definitely say that while you are in pain right now, there is light at the end of the divorce tunnel. For now, I will offer some words of wisdom that helped me during my separation and divorce:

1) Take care of yourself physically--eat (even if you only take a few bites), stay hydrated, get a little exercise (helps increase endorphins which improve mood), get sleep (if you need help here, you can contact your doctor for a sleep aid).

2) Gather loved ones and friends around. You need moral support now more than ever. They will help comfort you.

3) Call an attorney and a counselor ASAP. On DS, we call this the dream team and you need them both. My first phones calls were to a great attorney who took care of me financially and a good counselor who put me back together emotionally. Right now you are in shock, and your wife could easily begin liquidating assets. You need to protect yourself.

4) Limit your contact with her. We often advocate No Contact on DS because contact with the spouse who has already left the marriage is very painful. Some of theses spouses send mixed messages of hope; some become mean and vindictive; some become manipulative. The No Contact distance allows you to clear your head and make good decisions. It also serves to minimize the pain.

5) Keep talking to us here and use the journal function on DS to vent what you're feeling. I would have been lost without this group to listen to me during my separation and divorce. We will walk this journey with you.

Sending healing hugs!!!

Hi murphy: Hurtin gave you some excellent advice.

You didn't say a whole lot except that your wife has separated, moved out and your not coping well.

You didn't mention what happened to cause the separation. Is this a situation where both of you have talked and is there any chance of getting this back on the tracks by giving therapy a try? If so, you may want to try that. Good luck and many hugs.

Hey Murph!

Welcome to the group.

It's very very tough in the beginning.
Do you have any friends/family that may help?
Are you eating/hydrating?

Tell us what you are doing to deal with the stress.

you probably aren't used to such intense emotions. the main thing is to spend time with family and friends and don't be alone at home any more than you have to. talk and talk and talk some more with your family and friends. it is the best thing for you during a nightmare like this.

for the first year, it is really hard. so try to pace yourself, stick to basic routines, eat three times a day even if it is just soup and make yourself stay in bed at least 7 hours a night.

Murph.. I am sorry for your pain. I certainly can relate..
I am 4 weeks out from knowing anything was wrong and he left 1.5 weeks ago... it's day by day ... hour by hour... so hard...
Keep talking to friends and family and keep coming here... there are a lot of good caring people here that are going through exactly what you are.

Sorry Murph, double bad luck....we support everyone here except folks from Toronto....sorry man them the rules! ...Just kidding Murph, I was raised 140 km north of Toronto and went to U of T.

First you found a great place here at DS, when I first join I could not finish writing my story without breaking down....it is extremely tough.....you need to let it out....crying is ok ...actually it's go for you, seek out help, I told Blusky, your friends and family get tried of hearing the story after a while....you can't let go because you were with this woman for 18 years ....hell that's back when the Jays were go and so were the Leafs......wait a second....the Leafs were never good.

Take care my brother......you have a very hard road ahead, put a plan into place....don't let this time be in vain....become a better man.

Peace

I'm losing my husband after 18 years. I understand exactly how you might be feeling. Every thing is different now, its painful, definitely confusing....feeling abandoned and alone. I'm sorry.

I'm so glad I found this group. Everyone has been supportive and very generous with advice.

I can't tell you this will get better...I'm not there yet. I've only known a couple of weeks myself about his desertion, so this is still very fresh.

I'm sorry you're here but happy you've found help here. It truly is an oasis in the middle of a storming sea.

Deb

I am overwhelmed by you all reaching out like this.
I have no family here, but am getting huge support from friends
I just wish someone could stay here all the time as I go into panic and despair everytime I return to the empty house.
There is no certainty from her and just a "process" to see if her life is better or if she misses and wants to come home...doesn't know...2 months...6 months...a year
My heart is crushed yet I am still supposed to have a hopeline that she would become interested in me again and want to come home.
My grieving seems endless
We did the couples therapy and that was not helpful at all
She says its all just too late and wishes she had addressed things sooner
but now she's not in love with me
"I'm still your loving friend" but I say friends don't treat each other the way I have been treated

Murph your right... my husband says he wants to be friends wants me at familly events to watch the grandkids grow up.. because he still cares..
But he stabbed me in the face 4 weeks ago with the news... he was in love with someone else.. then stabbed me again after saying he was staying and things were good.. two nights later he left.,..

Friends don't treat friends like that at all...
Especially after 20 years together and 17 married they were good years trips to europe, carribien I took him everywhere (my job afforded me that) and happy years...how dare he treat me this way... its unthinkable.

I know how you feel.

http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284

Welcome to the group, DS really helped me during my divorce, and then my separation from my fiance.
Definitely find a counselor. It's great to talk to friends and family, but sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who doesn't know you, and who can help you work through this.
I found it helpful to get more involved in hobbies, and even try some things that I never have. That helps take your mind off of the situation for a while,and makes you feel good about yourself.
Take advantage of your friends, if they say "call me if you need anything", then call them if you need something!! If they are good friends, they really mean it when they say that.
You will be strong and get through this!