Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Sorry if this is too much backstory rant. Like I said, it's my first post. Thanks.
I've been married 33 years. Adult kids and grandkids and 2 school-age twin boys. Our marriage has been turbulent for several years and finally she had it with me. I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism 2 years ago and a lot of who I am started to make sense. I wasn't always so awful to live with, but trauma after trauma, major and minor, just wore me away. Microfractures kept me unraveling and therapy wasn't helping enough. We tried counseling but she wasn't satisfied with how I wasn't improving and she quit after a few months.
So we've been separated for a little over six weeks. I've rented a room not far away. We have Our Family Wizard. I'm alone most of the time. She says she and the boys are healing.
I get it that I was the bull-goose a-hole in the relationship with raging, passive-aggressive behavior and mood swings. I hated being that way and tried to fix myself but couldn't seem to. So she was right to get me to leave. But I don't think it gives her carte blanche over our finances and every aspect of custody. No paperwork yet, just separated but still legally married.
I'm trying to be as accommodating as possible. I'm trying to heal, too. But I'm sure she's been thinking about this for a year or so an I'm totally lost. I can research the right steps to take, but there's a deep pain in me from what I've caused and a homesickness, grief, shame, anguish that kind of follows me around everywhere and reminds me to not be happy, if you know what I mean.
Even writing this I'm not sure what it's for. I'm just introducing myself, I guess. Hi, everyone.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I don't know if this will help or not, maybe go to chatgpt.com and type in any questions you have...yes it's AI, but I've used it as a therapist to help me sort out how to create a way my son and I can live together with adult house rules with both of us doing the same and then writing a final agreement we will sign. Yes, there are huge painful emotions carried in our memories...it's your choice to let those negative memories guide your future. Mindful Meditation, Just Breathing In and Out focused totally on breathing and nothing else, will help that monkey mind of that negative thinking.
It's so hard for my son to take in information when he is upset, he needs a routine and to feel safe in his environment. He has no friends, spends all his time on the computer or building models or working...atm, he is going for his driving test and God Willing Please he will pass it!!
I wish you the best under very painful circumstances and hope maybe there might be a way back for you if that is what you want...just asking, have you ever asked your wife what she wants/needs and not been defensive when she responds or not intrupt her when she is speaking?
Nothing is finished until the papers are signed. Please be gentle with yourself, what you are not aware of in this Very Recent Dx, look into that too...you can't change what you have never understood, learned or been shown...and you can't give what you have never learned from family, friends, or life experiences.
Try to see this as a new opportunity to learn about yourself, shift your sails and find new directions to make a more positive life of purpose and meaning.
I'm sorry that you're going through such a rough time right now
I agree with ml that it's important that you find out about you and what can help you with your diagnosis
Knowledge really is power
Venting is good
Peer support can be so helpful at least it has been for me
If things are going on presently with regards to marital assests and child custody that seem off I would at least have a discussion with a lawyer
If it were me I'd protect myself
Deep breaths...These times baby steps are often the best
Just get through one day or even one hour at a time...xo
Forgiving ourselves and making hard but lasting changes takes time. We all have parts of our personalities that are on the "rough" side.
We are here for you. Take it one day at a time and each day do something, anything that helps you heal and move forward in your life. Get outside and take a long walk.
I also strongly encourage you to engage an attorney for yourself. You can totally lose control of the family money by being passive. Do not let any guilt and shame control your mind so you do nothing.
Be your own best friend now and let this be a time of rest where you are not having to worry over her reactions to your every day whole being. Just focus on becoming the new you and getting ahead in your own life.