Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi all....been lurking for a few days, decided to introduce myself in between crying fits. Newly seperated....5 days in....and I'm just a raw nerve. Had met my husband when we were 16...dating at 17...been together 24 years...married for 17.5 of them. We have 3 daughters and had an amazing marriage...a great relationship. It was perfect...and then it wasn't. For the last year, he hasn't been happy. He used to be the happy go lucky guy...then turned 40....and it seemed to have changed him. All of a sudden, he didn't find joy in anything, things he used to like, he didn't, including me. We seperated in the summer of 2016 for 2 months, went to counselling, things were looking up, and he came back home. It was my fault he left, I wasn't giving him the affection he needed...but I vowed to change. It was awkward at first, and he would come home from work and set to work doing silly little household chores, always staying busy. But now I see...he was just avoiding, now it was him not giving affection. My girls and I felt like we were walking on eggshells to keep the peace. And no, he wasn't the type to get physical or mean, or anything like that, he really is a good man, just keeping the house clean...that sort of thing....trivial things. We continued with the couselling for a few sessions together, but our counsellor told me that I didn't need to continue, that maybe just he should. Well..he stopped in December, life got too busy...maybe that was a mistake. He made up his mind to leave for good 1/11/17, after we had a emotional discussion and I confessed about the walking on eggshells and missing the intimacy we had...that I felt like it was always me initiating hugs, cuddles....
2 days later....he says he can't be in this relationship anymore. That he loves me, but not in that way anymore, that I shouldn't live like that, that I deserve to be loved the way I need.
Cue the begging and pleading, tears and snot on my part. He stuck his ground, and moved out yesterday. He didn't want to continue to live here, because that would give me hope that we could fix this. I've begged him to see the dr about going on anti-depressants, I just know that he's been depressed this past year (I feel like he's having a big mid-life event). He's changed towards me, the girls, and just everyone. He says he doesn't know who he is anymore, there is no joy left. He needs to find out who he is. I think his lack of activities just for himself outside of the home is a big factor in this. He needs more than just his family...everyone does. I've asked him to find things he does enjoying doing...but he just says there is too much to do around the house. (House is always clean btw).
I love him so much....I can't even fathom a future without him. My hopes, dreams, fantasies....all crushed, shattered, stomped on and turned to dust. He truly is my favourite person in this world, my best friend...who I was so fortunate to find at age 17. We made relationships look easy, people wanted our kind of relationship. I just want it back so bad. We set a high standard for relationships, that my girls are so picky about boys, because they have seen how wonderful I was treated, that not just any boy will do, unless they are treated like their dad treated me. (until 5 days ago). I miss him walking through the door, snoring gently beside me, his smell, his body, his very presence.
Sleep now is non-existent, i finally choked down a bit for food, my heart hurts. My eyes are always puffy now....tears just keep popping up, without even noticing. Thankful for my family and friends....who are constantly checking up on me. Only problem, every time I try to talk to someone, I burst out crying, even on the phone to someone who called me wanting me to do a survey! (I did laugh at myself when I hung up) At work, people look at me and I bawl, but they are so understanding....and give me a hug and a shoulder and an ear. Feel like such a burden.
I hate this. I hate being this sappy, depressed, emotional mess. Ugh...all I want is him...
Got better. Sometimes you know sometimes
You don't. Often times they are selfish and
emotionally immature and don't know what
They want anymore.
They find You wanting, they just don't inventory
Or look at themselves, they will await a good time
to leave and many times will wait to find the right
new partner.
I think most of us on here have heard, i love you
BUT, my ex had a gf all ready and waiting for him.
HUGS
It's ok to cry you love this man and you miss him. Just don't let it overtake you. I laughed when you said you cried on the phone to the survey taker. Not at you but because i freaked out the fed ex guy at work a few weeks ago. He came to drop off a delivery and i was on a crying jag over some stupid song that came on the radio and of course i was the only person in the office at the time. It happens. Keep talking to your friends. Eventually the conversations will get longer and the crying will lessen.
I still miss my husband desperately and I would do just abut anything to fix what we have but I have also learned that you can't fight alone. He needs to be willing to fight for it to. So maybe it's time to start fighting for you. Once I learned this things started to fall into place for me.
Sorry. Thats all you can do. My coworkers
And friends were troopers. I never even Got
a bad review or reported and i was on Overload
and overwhelm. HUGS
I did not expect to find myself without my husband one day. There are no words that can describe those initial days. It is a raw and brutal pain. It lingers. But the pain does slowly lift. It does get better even if it moves slower than we would choose. He may be back, he may not. You don't know and you can't let this haunt you. You have to take fifteen minutes at a time and be gentle with yourself. Deal with what is in front of you, the rest will be there. If you belong to a church, reach out to your pastor. Keep allowing people to walk with you and hold your hand. I pray for your peace. Hang strong. You have known great love and you have loved mightily. Use that love to love yourself and your girls through this process.
Mind you, this was not the first time we had separated but for some reason, I knew that this time would be my last time trying to make it work. I dont know what your future holds but please know that I read somewhere to take it minute by minute and take time to cry, get angry or do what you have to do so that this does not bottle up inside. I had to step out of my comfort zone and call a counselor who has been a tremendous help to me. I have come to terms that my marriage is over and that I will be okay. Even after all of this crap that I went through, I still believe in love, yes, I know stupid right?
Just like me and the rest of us on here, we take our own way of dealing with our relationships and somehow find out that there is a very strong individual in all of us and in time, it will be okay. Dont be afraid to talk with these individuals on here, they are wonderful and please know I am sending lots of positive thoughts your way!