Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Wk22 02/12/2011

Hi. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, but i almost immediately regretted it. I did this almost two months ago. And after I tried to get back together with her but she just doesn't feel the same... What is confusing is that she still says she loves me but she just doesn't feel like she used to. I'm only 18, I know im young and people just tell me im too young and that I shouldnt feel this down, but I cant help it. I go to college in New York, and she lives in New Hampshire. So after Winter break was over I was really sad heading back to college knowing I hadnt fixed things but she comforted me and said that maybe things would get better. But ive been gone for only about two weeks and she already has been going on dates with another guy and she likes him. I really put so much effort into making her like me again, but its not working. Its made me so depressed, all I can do is just lie in my bed all day and cry. My friends dont understand and just think I should move on but I really feel terrible about it and I dont want to move on because I still have feelings. I dont know what to do with myself. She meant so much to me and now I'm all alone and I feel depressed. :(

deleted_user 02/12/2011

If she says she doesnt feel the same, maybe that is why you broke it off finally. It hurts to love someone, and it not be appreciated. I am going through the same thing. I am 45, and let me tell you it does not get any easier. I think it gets harder to break up the older you get, because you tend to invest more of yourself into a relationship at an older age. I think anyway. We just need to figure out what to do with ourselves, to keep our minds off of the other person. We cant sit around crying all day. It is not doing us any good at all. What can we do with our time, and with our attention? Any good ideas?

Wk22 02/12/2011

That is part of the problem, I dont know what to do with myself. I used to talk to her to keep me busy and make me feel better, but she isnt there for me anymore. She wants to be my friend, but I cant think of her as just a friend. I try to go out to a friends room or to watch a movie or play video games but im just distracted the whole time and it isnt as fun. I need a way I can deal with this.

Wk22 02/12/2011

And thank you for replying

deleted_user 02/12/2011

They say that meditation helps, exercise helps. I would rather indulge in one of my many addictions, like drinking, or shopping, or sex. But Im not doing that. Im doing nothing but feeling the pain, and grinning and bearing it. Cant you find someone else to talk to? There are many women out there who also want a man to talk to. I cant go there because I have done that in the past, and it has not helped. Mine usually ended up with sex though. You need to find someone to have an emotional affair wth, and perhaps more if that is what you both want. I dont know. I just bicker with mine all day. If he did not want to engage in that with me, I would accept that we are over, not grovel, and move on. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. LOL Not really. You just need a good friend to talk to, and spend time with to take your mind off of her and her goings on.

Wk22 02/12/2011

I have my roommates to talk to, as well as my friends from back home but the problem is that no one understands since they have only seen one side of our relationship, Like my friends from back home only know of me and her getting along well and the good side, since when I was home from school everything was going well. But my friends from school only know of us arguing all the time via phone/computer. So they both have different ideas of our relationship so they both have different opinions. Really the only one that understands is her, and she talks to me about these things, but at the same time since she is the source of the problem,it doesnt help much...

Rman 02/12/2011

Perhaps for your own good, you should go back in your mind and try to understand why you broke up with her in the first place. There had to have been a reason.

Wk22 02/12/2011

The reason is mostly because I felt like I was putting in so much effort, i would come home to visit once a month and it was a 10 hour busride that cost a lot of money, but then when i would ask her to do something for me she wouldnt. Like if i was bored and wanted to talk on the phone she would say shes tired or that she cant. And i just felt like i was putting in so much and she wasnt (at least when it came to the long distance).

Rman 02/12/2011

So would you really want to continue like this? You broke up for those reasons and things would most likely stay the same if you were together again. Do you think that perhaps you only want her back now because you can't have her? I had a relationship like this once before. I broke up with her, but then when she was with someone else, I wanted her back. I didn't want to be with her, but I also didn't want her to be with anyone else...having your cake and eating it too...In any case, this sounds like a stupid cliche', but it does get easier to deal with in time...good luck, man.

Wk22 02/12/2011

Yeah I wonder the same thing... Why would I want to be with a girl who has caused me so much stress and really not a very good girlfriend. It just kills me at the thought of her being with someone else.

Rman 02/12/2011

Good question...why would you? Do you know why? Other than you not wanting her to be with someone else, why would you want to be with her?

Wk22 02/12/2011

Well despite arguing a lot long distance she really helped keep me going. Like I was considering switching majors and she told me not to give up, and I dont drink, and when all my friends went out to the bar and I was tempted to go, she was there to talk to me. I just feel like without her I have nothing to look forward to too. Like, I used to count down the days until when I would come home to see her, because I dont really like college and I liked seeing her at home. Now im stuck, because I dont like being at college, but if I go home she might see me, but it wont be the same. Especially because she now likes this other guy.

Misred 02/12/2011

I didn't read all the replies, but I want to welcome you to DS. You have found a good place to fall. As far as talking with people who understand what you are going through.....again...this is a great place for that. I have found that people who are going through the same situations as I am within the same time period totally get it. I am divorced and even people who divorced several years ago have kind of forgotten how painful it is initially.

What you are feeling is normal. The support system you relied upon (girlfriend) is gone. Use this time to reflect on the relationship. Try and go no contact if you can. The let's be friends just doesn't work right off the bat. See if there are any groups at school you can get involved in to keep yourself busy 'cause time is going to crawl for awhile.

I highly recommend journaling. Especially here on DS. It is set up so you can keep your journals private or just open to DS friends. The feedback I get on my journals are priceless.

Wk22 02/12/2011

Thank you, that is exactly how I feel. Like the person that has been keeping me going has now left my life and doesnt care anymore. Im glad I have found people that understand. I have been writing a journal on my computer in Microsoft Word. Maybe I will start writing it on here instead. thank you

Misred 02/12/2011

Also reading and commenting on posts is helpful too. You just may discover something about yourself.

Good luck (((HUGS)))

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