This is a tough place to be. You are very aware and that's a good thing. Raising children is extremely taxing on a marriage. Try scheduling date nights and dinners. It may help.

I had my daughter at 21 and I'm 31 now, I've been married for 5 years and together for 10. Has he always been this way? How come it only started the last few months? Are you taking a time out for your self? Away from him and the kids? I started to resent getting married not long after it happened telling my self it will all be ok but it never changes if you don't make it. Now I'm living with someone I think I hate years and years of unhappiness staying together for my daughter. Does he work?

If I were you I would really think about what you want because I feel trapped in my marriage and started to feel like I lost what should have been the best times of my life, my 20s. I feel like I live like 65 year old but I'm actually 18 inside. Read my post "what's wrong with me" I feel I don't know who I anymore what I like what I don't like have almost no friends and can't really do anything about it. It will eat you up and destroy you. Before you know it your saying the same thing to Yourself but your 10 years older and your life seems over and all the things you wanted or expected out of life are never going to happen.

Yikes I'm sorry you're having to go through this. This is tough. Especially since there are children involved. I sense that you value your marriage and family life even though it isn't exactly the way you are hoped for. In my opinion, I believe you should have another sit down with him and explain how his behavior is causing you to feel and talk about going to marriage and family counseling. If he refuses and continues his behavior than next would be an ultimatum. I always advocate working things out first especially if you have a family. BUT in your case he's been like this for quiet some time and doesn't seem to be trying at all. Love equals respect. When some one cares it will show in there actions. Try one or two more times if he doesn't start to prepare and plan your life with out. It's sad ...that it may actually take you leaving with the girls for a healthier life for him to finally realize but by then it may be too late. Good luck and I hope it works out in your marriage first!

Thank you for your responses!!

To answer a few things this has been an off and on thing for quite some time, hasn't just occurred in the last few months. I don't take much time out for myself because I am typically always with my kids, which is okay! We both work, he works full time, as I am more on the part time side. 32-35 hours a week.

I understand @Dragonz125, how you feel trapped and then just in a very bad place. Having kids so young you loose a lot from your life. I lost a lot of friends, and don't have a major social life. Marriage is tough because it is a huge commitment on both parties, and honestly I was totally okay just being engaged and even being engaged my whole life to him. But now I also feel trapped, because I don't believe in divorce or giving up on someone, but it's making things at home more dreadful and puts me in a bad mood instantly.

@J7289

I feel like I have been having these talks over and over. And at this point he blows it off quite a bit. Or he just nods and then the next day is the same. He just doesn't think he needs to try anymore, but you never stop trying and to better your relationship. I can reach out to him one more time. One more time to express my feelings. If he doesn't take it to heart or care to make some changes, I will most likely have to leave.

You have to zap him out of it!! When he comes home from work, tell him you're going out to dinner/drinks/Starbucks with a friend. Once he realizes that YOU have a life and a schedule, he'll figure out how to get on it :-)

First off, you practically DO work full time. 35 hours is just about there! Good for you taking care of everything, but it does take its toll. My stbx is passive aggressive about all issues. I have asked for support over the years, from when we both worked full time (me being on-call evenings and weekends at some times in addition to maintaining 9-6 days), to when I was a stay at home mom for 4 years, then to part time work for another 14, to now full time work. Through it all, I did everything - all house stuff, inside and out, all bills, all kids stuff. He coached baseball - and he did it more for himself than the kids. Friends and neighbors are still amazed at seeing how much "guy" work I do around the house. I have to otherwise it won't get done. I tried not doing it and asking him repeatedly to do things, he just won't. Doesn't care. It's the almighty tv, his mistress from day 1. Sorry, I went astray. I eventually, after decades, realized that he doesn't care about much. Me being among them. I stopped trying to connect with him, and I've found some peace. I expect less than zero from him, meaning that I expect him to continue to mess with the things I do and to make life harder for me. It's how he operates, how he "punishes" me. Whatever, so over it. He's dragging out the divorce process, but I know it can't go on forever. I think you need clarity about what you want and what you can expect to get from him. Just restarting the same conversation isn't likely to get you anywhere. If you can bring him to a counselor, I'd try that. Someone to direct the conversation, keep it going in the right direction. If you can do that, you might get some clarity. If not, you may have to ask for that separation.

Did you live together during your engagement? If so, did you think getting married, essentially legalizing the union, would turn him into someone who would be helpful with daily household tasks? Looking back, all I ever saw stbx do around his mom's house when he lived there, then in his friend's apartment when he lived there, was sit on the couch and watch tv. He didn't so much as take out a trash bag. All he's done with me is the same - watch tv. Guess what he's doing now? One guess? People don't change, is my belief.

Your husband sounds a lot like my stbx. I noticed the changes and even our 16 and 19 year old noticed and when I brought our concerns to stbx he ignored them and claimed it was us not him. Well here we are he lives with either his father or in a hotel that his father pays for . To this day he still does not concern himself with the wrongs that he has done which tells me he never will therefore, not only did I waste my time and bring more pain on to myself for what would happen I have regret. So if you think your spouse will listen to your concerns if over dinner or coffee out or after the kids are in bed then that is a good place to start, he should know how you are feeling so he can have the chance to change it . It may be that you don't love him because of who he has become and he may not care enough about himself to change but that does not mean that you stop thinking of yourself. Its bad enough to be in a un happy marriage for months or years.. it is even worse to be in a un happy marriage a day longer. Good luck

Hey guys!! Sorry I was a little MIA and did not respond to some of the comments!

I did not get a chance to actually sit down and talk with him yet with how I have been feeling. My one daughter has been sick the past few days so that has my main attention at this time. I think the biggest thing with him is he just doesn't even. Optics or realize when things are going wrong, or there is an issue in our relationship.

A little back story, we met online little over 8 years ago, fell in love very quickly before I even really knew who he was or even atucaly met him. When we did meet the love only grew deeper and pretty soon into our relationship about 5 1/2 months I was pregnant. We had a lot of bumps in the road while I was pregnant at this time and I was going to end it there but wanted to work hard for our soon to be family. So for some reason pushed the issues aside, those issues haven't happened again since then, just more complex other issues now.

Now with 2 kids in our marriage, you do feel a sense to work things out and remain a family which is very important to me, but why be with someone who doesn't make you feel your worth. Or make you feel like you do a good job and get noticed for that.

Do we go out on dates a lot, no. Do we spend one on one time a lot no. We seem to do our own things a lot in terms of being in the house I am doing chores or with the kids and he is well doing something else. We do go out but our kids are with us. When we do have date nights, I find us not really having much to say or talk about which gives me the sense our connection has faded.

In terms of our intimacy, that is lacking as well. Once in a blue moon, maybe because I am just tired and want to go to bed, or simply my desire isn't there anymore.

As bad as it maybe I know for a fact if we didn't have kids we most likely would not still be together. I was young when I met him and certainly would not have bothered sticking around.