Hi JustMom. I would say your story is incredibly similar to so many on here, including myself. My wife has checked out, said she is no longer in love with me, has threatened to take the kids away, has made my life a living hell for the last 8 weeks, and basically treats it as if our 14 year marriage (and 16 years together) never happened. My emotions are definitely all over the place, and I had a breakdown at work yesterday, which was both embarrassing and so unlike me. Definitely feeling lonely as well, as I assume most on here are. The good news is we are all here for each other. The people on here are simply amazing. They have picked me up when I am down, and I try to do the same for them. A better group of people you will not find, and the fact is, everyone here is going through something in the same realm. That really helps because they generally know exactly what to say to lift my spirits, when my spirits can be lifted.

I'm here a lot (I really need the support), so just know there will always be people here to talk to. I'm truly sorry you are going through so much, and I hope all goes well for you. Don't be afraid to ask for a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to listen.

Not sure what a preliminary hearing is about. We had to go to a parenting mediation session, where we worked out parenting time (formerly called visitation). If you're in a situation where you say your stbx is an unfit parent, then I could see a hearing on that, to determine if what you're asking for is fair, and for proof of his unfitness. If this is the case, do you have medical records or anything pointing to his inability to properly care for the kids? Proof is king.

In my case, with mediation, we hadn't discussed it at home because he doesn't talk. In the waiting room at mediation, he basically told me he was fine with me having residential custody. In the session, he said he was fine with every other weekend, plus random nights as desired by our son. I was overjoyed, BUT I don't trust a word of it. Nothing comes easily with him, and I feel that his lawyer will somehow convince him that this is a bad plan, essentially because of the financial ramifications of having our son over on random nights. Child support is paid weekly, a set rate. If he has our son on more days than is legally stipulated, then he's sort of double paying. Really no big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I know how they work. It is nerve wracking, until all papers are signed. Breathe deeply. It's so hard being in the middle of things, but there will be an end and then a new beginning.

My stbx has been disconnected for years, so like you, the lonliness has been there for years. I just sorta got used to it.

So said to have to got through all of this especially during the holidays. I pray that since you wrote this you've been able to find support whether from family, friends, church or professional counsel. When I went through my divorce (even if my husband didn't have any mental health issues), it was as they say, like a death, where you go through various emotional stages and not in a set order (though there was a sort of pattern:from anger, to resentment, to denial, etc. ). So it's very normal to feel as you said and be nervous or scared. Moving from being a unit to going back to being the sole responsible person (and now with kids) is daunting. Just make sure you're getting support and that you know that you'll make it through (perhaps painfully or not) and that time (and prayer) can help heal, restore peace, calm and assurance.