Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello -
I am new to the message board/community. I am a 40-ish year old male whose wife moved out about eight weeks ago and then moved out of state shortly thereafter. As with many of you, I am struggling with how this happened and mourning what seems to be the complete deterioration of a nearly 10 year marriage. Up until the last year, things had been incredibly good - not perfect, by any means, but very good. We enjoyed each other, traveled extensively, truly loved one another deeply. Two years ago, work took her out of the country for over a year. It was the hardest thing we have ever done - keeping up good communication, support, and loving each other despite seeing each other only a few times over the course of the year. During this time, we had also moved, taken on new jobs, left our friend groups, bought a house, and basically tried to stack in as much stress as possible - and that was before she had to leave for work.
When she got back, things were definitely harder - within a month, she started talking about divorce. She struggled with finding a job, learning the new town, meeting friends, and that was before COVID hit, which has been an incredible stressor to us all. It limited what we could do ever more.
Anyway, a few weeks ago after a fight, she left to go stay with her family for what was supposed to be a few days. That became weeks, and then she told me she was taking a new job out of state. She came back to the house, packed some of her stuff, and is gone.
As with many of you all, I am reeling from this. I have barely been able to function, sleep is elusive - every day I wake up in the middle of the night panicking about what is going on and that this is the reality right now. I am absolutely committed to fighting for our relationship, but she has consulted a divorce lawyer and already has a plan in place to move forward in the next six months. At this point, I am just trying to buy time for us to maybe start working on it. It all just seems very hopeless. Combine this with the COVID restrictions, which make it harder to get together with any sort of social support, things are incredibly depressing and sad.
Do any of you all have suggestions for how to keep your own hope alive? Or to how to just keep moving through the day? Thank you, and while I wish I was not here, I am grateful for any sort of community.
You need to ask her to just be honest and up front about what is going on. It sounds like she is not really telling you anything. And she might not but you need to at least ask her to be honest with you.
If she is honest, then you might be able to work something out. But no guarantee, sadly.
I know how it feels to be so overwhelmed with sadness that you can’t do anything, but you NEED to keep moving. Talk with friends and family. Take walks. Journal. Get a therapist!!! Please!
And of course, we are all here to support you as well. I wish you the best luck possible with this situation.
I understand your struggle... I have lived many of what you describe myself.
My one advise to you to help you to start healing from this pain, sooner than later, is to accept and come to terms that she does not want to be with you anymore.... I am sorry if this sounds cold and bold but the sooner you accept this, the sooner you can start healing yourself.
People that walk away from us, were not meant to be in our future.
I know it is very painful.... its a pain that is there when you go to sleep and is there when you wake up...
The good news is that things will get better for you... yes, it takes time but eventually things will start to turn around.
In order to be more equipped to handle this hard times, surround yourself with love ones, family, friends, people that you know really care about you.... built yourself a support network, as you will need the help to get you up when you fall on your knees.
Also, seek therapy and start a journey to discover yourself and love yourself.... we often neglect ourselves when we love others.
Once you start to learn to love yourself, you will know that you deserve better and that you are worth it.... I know from experience.
Let her go... and seek your own path.
Hang in there, stay strong.