Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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confused1 02/15/2017

As I sit here and read everyone's stories I realize I am in good company. What happens to all these marriages? Why do men (and women) do this? We have been together for 26 years (married 19) with 3 beautiful kids. We have had many tough years, but I always believed we could make it work. Four years ago I gave up my career, my home, my friends, my family to move across the country for his job. I wanted a change and thought it would help our marriage. Instead it gave him the opportunity to cheat and become someone I don't know at all anymore. I've been finding out over the last 3 years that he is unable to be honest with me. He finally agreed to go to marriage counseling but it seems to be pushing us further apart. He told me last night he has been pricing apartments and not to get my hopes up about things working out. BUT he is not quite ready to leave. He says he loves me, wants to be friends and is not sure he can throw away 26 years. It's a fine line walking between hope/positivity and reality/negativity. I know I need to focus on myself and my kids now, but how do you still try to convince him it's worth saving????

onedayatatimeforme 02/15/2017

Your going through a hard time that is for sure and deep down I think you know what you should do but you are not sure because it will hurt. You can't convince him it is worth saving he sounds like he has made up his mind and as it is always best for the kids to remain as friends at this point the best thing to do is for you to start therapy for yourself and only yourself and cut the cord for a while and then in time when you feel you are stronger to have the contact then you can start that but limited. It is time you focus on yourself and the kids and get your ducks in a row . Best of luck and wishes to ya.

jojored 02/15/2017

It really pisses me off that spouses feel entitled to taking their time figuring out life, stringing their partners along. Saying one thing but doing another. Promising to go to counseling but never going. Having their own place, but keeping the spouse in the back pocket. It's not a good or honest situation for anyone. People of earth - be honest in your relationships. So much heartache could be avoided if only there was straightforward communication. This should be a mandatory class taught in schools, how to have effective interpersonal communications. I am reminded way back when I was engaged, there was this pre-cana religious course we had to take (catholic thing) prior to getting married. In it, there was a couple who guided us through questions and discussions meant to test our preparedness for marriage. Stbx could never answer any questions about how he felt. Just said nothing "hummm" or "I don't know". He couldn't even say why he loved me. I was pretty dissappointed, and our entire marriage went that way. They should have FAILED us in that course and not allowed us to be married in the catholic church. Maybe I would have thought twice about getting married.

cleigh 02/15/2017

He is stringing you along. As the saying goes, "piss or get off the pot". You need to take control and not let your husband do the controlling. If he "doesn't know", tell him to get an apartment now or else get dead serious about saving the marriage. The wishy washy middle ground is 100% unacceptable. It sounds like a mid-life crisis!

Misred 02/15/2017

Too many people look to their spouse to make them feel good about themselves and life in general. Happiness is an inside job. Expecting another person to "make you happy" the rest of your life is a an unfair burden to saddle someone with.

You should go to individual counseling so you can plan out your next move and be prepared should he decide to leave the marriage. Don't sit in limbo land forever. The undecided spouse usually uses it to their advantage while they plan an exit strategy. Sorry to sound so depressing. Sorry you are here (((HUGS)))

justMeplus3 02/15/2017

You can not convince him...you shouldn't have to either...do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? From the sounds of it, he's in mid life. Now is the time for you! Now is the time to find your happiness a part from him...one person does not make us happy...we have to be happy with the person that we are.

confused1 02/15/2017

Thank you all for the words of wisdom. I do believe it is a midlife crisis and he acknowledges he has low self esteem. I guess I'm hoping against hope therapy can help him and he is going. I am going as well to figure out what I want and how to prepare the kids. This will devastate them

hannahp 02/21/2017

I hope he will have a change of heart for you! It's sad to see you ready to try and him not willing to help. I am not sure you can convince him, just try and love him through. Let us know how it goes!

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