Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hey all! This is my first post but I have been lurking around this message board for 5 weeks...right after my STBX asked for a divorce after 7 1/2 years of marriage. I thought we had the perfect marriage, life, etc. and then my world came crashing down. Just 3 days after returning from a family vacation we go to bed and he rolls over and announces "I want a divorce". Nothing could have prepared me for this. His original story was that he just fell out of love with me but over the course of the last few weeks he has admitted being a sex addict and attending meetings/counseling since 2007. He admitted the first affair started 2 months before he asked me to marry him. I have been spending a lot of time reading posts here, reading self help books and attending therapy. I am really trying to move forward and was doing an ok job of staying a float.
But....then I found out about her and I have taken a huge step backwards. One week ago today I found out that he is already in a serious relationship with someone, and although he has not admitted it, I am pretty certain she is the main reason my STBX decided to ask for a divorce. He is staying at her house and has already dragged my 13 year old step son into her life. They are attending outdoor concerts, movies, dinner, etc. like a big happy family. He already has my step son sleeping at her house! I know that there is nothing I can do about this, but I am absolutely obsessing over her/them. I have barely slept or ate since last Saturday. The image of their new relationship/family is all I can think about. I don't know how to move forward. I am really stuck here in the awful place and don't know what to do!
But....then I found out about her and I have taken a huge step backwards. One week ago today I found out that he is already in a serious relationship with someone, and although he has not admitted it, I am pretty certain she is the main reason my STBX decided to ask for a divorce. He is staying at her house and has already dragged my 13 year old step son into her life. They are attending outdoor concerts, movies, dinner, etc. like a big happy family. He already has my step son sleeping at her house! I know that there is nothing I can do about this, but I am absolutely obsessing over her/them. I have barely slept or ate since last Saturday. The image of their new relationship/family is all I can think about. I don't know how to move forward. I am really stuck here in the awful place and don't know what to do!
He obviously deceived you when you married because he had a sex addiction and didn't discuss it with you beforehand. The addiction went all through the marriage and has apparently broken it up. Can you get that in an e-mail or text so that your attorney can use it for the divorce?
I would see a divorce attorney, and bring with you copies of his pay stubs and copies of deeds, copies of any property accumulated during marriage. Of course, don't ask your husband for these and you get these on the sly. It will allow your attorney to figure out what you may be entitled to. If it turns out there is a cause to the divorce, it may entitle you to more than you thought.
Remember always, that this sex addict isn't cured. He will continue on his usual ways and do the same thing to her that he did to you. He will hide it from her like he did to you only she may be a bit wiser on it so he'll have to be more clever. But he'll still continue to be a sex addict.
He is not a gift to any woman. Many hugs.
there is no way to go back.
pity the poor woman who is with him now. she will have to learn the hard way too.
i have seen middle aged men who are obsessed with sex. a lot of us regular men just roll our eyes and think that they are strange.
I have already filed the petition for divorce and so far he is handing over everything to me. I do now have proof of some of the affairs, including one with a married co-worker of ours (yup...that's right...we also work for the same company!). He is so afraid I am going to tell his adult children, sisters, co-workers, etc. that he has basically said "take everything and keep your mouth shut."
I know deep down in my heart that he will do this to her too, but I just can't figure out how to let go! I do nothing but think about them together....I mean my brain has not shut off for even 10 minutes. I had at least been able to focus on my job prior to finding out about her...but I missed so much work last week because I literally could not focus on a task because they were consuming my thoughts!
MTZ3 thanks so much for the hug... It is very needed. I have very little family (elderly parents only) and ver few friends...none actually living in the same state as me. So this is a very lonely time!
only you know your limits. be very careful because how you conduct yourself now will determine how long it will take before your next chapter starts shaping up.
I'll second that one.
So sorry this happened to you.
Regarding the obsession, it's not easy to break it....you have to make a conscious effort.
Keep busy with cerebral activities (it's hard to learn and obsess at the same time). Left brain activity can be especially helpful.
"and there is nothing I can do about it"
Whatever happened to people holding marriage sacred... its a disgrace how people treat it.
Welcome to the group
OK.....getting on my soapbox here.....I just want to meet a male version of me....he would be kind, sympathetic, trustworthy, caring, hardworking, sensitive, loving, and sincere !!!!!
Am I asking too much ????
Now....stepping off my soapbox.... I shall slink back onto my DS page, LOL ! :-)
For those talking about he other woman... I actually wish I could warn her and save her from future pain. I am not sure what he has told her, but I bet she has no clue what she is getting in to. I doubt she knows about his addiction, and not even sure what she knows about me. I feel this need to warn her, but know I can't.
Shelby - I am a long ways from thinking about another man, but I hear you! I loved being married, being faithful to one person...why didn't I find someone who valued marriage like me!
Again... You all are the best. You will be my light and strength to get thru this!
Good Luck !!! :-)
I hope you are seeing an attorney and a counselor. Those were two of the best calls I made when my divorce journey started.
Sending healing hugs!