I never asked for much on here in regards to hugs....they were just given by all the wonderful people on here. However today, I need them even if they are just virtual. My pain is great as I have put the papers in for divorce on Wednesday. I know I didn't need or should have told them they were going to be mailed but I had received some advice from a fellow DSer who's advice I respect. Being that we are still in the same house I figure that warranted some head's up. I told him yesterday and I have been a mess ever since. I have NO choice in this matter..to stay in a dysfunctional marriage for the kids while he has his fun on the side or to get out and be miserable by myself but at lease it would be by myself. I hurt that the kids are so young. I lose in all this....my home, my memories built here, my children when they are with him, part of myself as a couple or whatever, my friend, everything. I wish I had family or someone close just to help me thru this but DS is the only place (sad as that may sound) where others know your pain. My family doesn't get it..nobody does. After telling him..he could not look at me..did not say anything except he was sorry and then proceeded to tell his friend that "she gave me a head's up the papers were coming, she's a mess..sad and shit. I feel bad for her" For me? I guess I expected him to say, maybe wanted him to say, he felt bad for us..this isn't what he wanted..something in regards to us. That comment made me feel like a pitiful worthless piece of shit. No shit...I now have spent my days looking for places for me and my kids that don't require living near gunfire and where they can still attend their daycare and school to make it a little easier on me. Come to find out that our state does shit all backwards in regards to divorce...what else could go wrong? But I must deal with that. He is downstairs "whistling dixie" most likely happy to be rid of me finally while I am up here crying and looking for a place to live. All I ask for today is a well wish or a virtual hug from my friends to help me get thru this day. I don't know why I am so f'in needy or "co-dependent" today but that is how I feel and I cannot shake it, not to mention I need to tunnel out from the snow and I am trying to clean out my kids rooms b/c I will have no place to put their stuff. That's what's hard...looking at their stuff and determining what I can keep which isn't much. Thank you to all.