Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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hlg 02/12/2018

my husband of 17 years moved out 3 weeks ago. No affair or addiction just years of hurt and pain that he and I never addressed and he “ fell out of love” because he “ can’t get over past”. We have 4 children 14, 14, 12, and 11. I am in so much pain it’s unbearable!! He still comes by every night to see kids and it kills me to see him. I have been wanting to work on our Matt for a year and he basically shut me out. He hyper focused on kids sports to not face anything. I am in counseling and he’s not. He just wants a good co parenting relationship and that’s it but hasn’t asked for divorce. Although I’m not surprised we came to this point as he has not wanted to work on marriage for a long time but now he’s out of house. I have trouble concentrating working ( I work from home), have trouble not wanting to fall apart in front of kids, my parents are good people but don’t comfort well. Any support would be appreciated!

anon2002 02/12/2018

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I think the best thing you can do is to take care of yourself. Exercise, eat right and do nice little things like give yourself a pedicure or put on a face mask. Think about the things you have always wanted to do, but didn’t because your evenings belong to your family. When he comes by the house tomorrow night to see the kids, tell him that he’s watching them for a couple of hours while you go out. Get a foot massage, go to the gym, hit a support group meeting. Shake things up in your life for the better. He forced this change on you - make it count for something good. For you.

Aronia 02/12/2018

Sometimes people need some space to change the dynamic of the relationship.
You may be able to rekindle your friendship after some time, unless he is totally dead set on not being with you.
I m so sorry. This is really hard.
Hugs

cha385 02/12/2018

Our stories are similar and I am so sorry to hear you are going through this because I am too and it is awful. I agree with anon2002, though. My separation was a few months ago but I just started trying to learn to really loge myself. I did some self care at the beginning, but have had to really work on it. My husband forced the separation too, but not by just moving out. He told me he wanted a divorce but refused to move out and then started flirting online and having secret female "friends". He wanted sex but that was it. He egen took the whole family on vacation twice and went out of his way to exclude me from going. I finally lost my temper and made him move out and now he says he needs a divorce because of my "bad temper." The only thing that has gotten through the last few months has been focusing on how much I love my kids, lots of prayer and meditation, and as much self care as I can manage. I kearned to take walks and work in the garden. I learned to really enjoy my kids company, and to lean on them a little from time to time. Its ok to ask them for a hug sometimes if you're feeling lonely or down. Its ok to just relax with them. And you may need to tell your husband to pick them up when he wants to see them so that your home is YOUR sanctuary with your kids. He wanted the separation and refused to work on the relationship. So he needs to leave you at peace in your space. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. I had to learn to set boundaries too. Its painful at first but soooo worth it later. YOU ARE worth it. This is hard work, but we can do it.

hlg 02/13/2018

Cha385 Thank you for your post. I know I need to set boundaries but I’m afraid it will push him farther away. I know sounds ridiculous as I am writing it. It is hard to see him. He hugs me goodbye and out the door!! He still wears his wedding ring but I’m not allowed to ask what he’s thinking or anything about the relationship. I asked him if he was planning on living here again and he just says he is doing the right thing at this moment but “ didn’t imagine living with his parents at 43”. He says he’s going to individual counseling but still has not gone yet. I try to do things and have a good friend but she going thru bad divorce so she has her own stuff. It’s just the emotional pain is unbearable but I do NOT show him any of it

Kelly2 02/14/2018

Going through the same with my partner for 17 years and he left 5 weeks ago in a very dark place doesn't bother with me or our 2 kids! Someone pls advise

happyonislands 02/18/2018

Hang in there! It’s normal to feel hurt, disappointed, etc. This is the man you loved. However, I believe any marriage can be reconciled. Give it time. All things are possible. Sometimes, people need space to get their thoughts together. Continue your counseling and hopefully, one day, hubby will join you.
Good luck! I wish you all the best.

Osheana 02/18/2018

HI Hig,
Whats the past years of unresolved hurt and pain whats that about? Could there lie some answers in those details?No addiction ,no affair- whats the origin of the pain and hurt which you say is the reason he left?What past could he not get over specifically?

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