Post on the abuse forum also on here,
They are great and helpful.

Hugs

Being open to go to your domestic violence
Center can be a life saver and much more.

They have the support groups, therapy,
Financial support and loads more support
And information.

They help you make safe exit plans, you
Need professionals to help. Dangerous time
When you leave an abuser.

Hugs

Its under physical and emootional abuse forum
On here

My question is this: does he just talk bullshit or do you have evidence to support his statements ? Has he ever done anything he threatened to do?
Some abusers are cowards. They talk the talk but are actually to cowardly ( thankfully) to follow through on their threats.
You can tell what a person is capable of by how much they love themselves. If he is a narcissist, he is unlikely to do something that will land him in jail, but he will tell you convincing stories about how dangerous he is.
I would be more afraid of the depressive/suicidal type of person who has nothing to lose.

What kind of a person is he?

Thank you both! I will check out the abuse forum. I am hoping all his raging is empty threats, but I don't know for sure, so I'm hoping he is the cowardly type who just has a loud bark. He's definitely a maladaptive narcissist, so there's that. He's depressed but I don't think he is suicidal. But he certainly has impulse control problems.

I am glad you are going to play it safe, DV
Even on the pone will talk to you thats what
They are there for and to help get away safely.

Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time,
Keep listening to your gut its your survival instincts
Talking to you.

Post on DS physical and emotional abuse forum too

Talke care and stay safe

Hugs

Ya know, with the list you posted of things you needed to do, it sounds more serious then someone who has a temper and throws around threats like candy on Halloween.

If you even think you have to go to the measures you wrote in your post, that shit aint light. Those are some pretty serious things you feel you need to do to just break up with a boyfriend.

The problem with letting the authorities know or taking out a restraining order is there is really no support, still, for domestic violence. So you have to hope beyond hope, you are in a place where the police and other authorities take these issues more seriously. If not, and you are that worried, you should plan to be away a lot longer then a month if not for good.

Again, given youre planning list above, you can never play it too safe with the crazy situations that appear to e happening more and more as of late. You never know what someone else will do. And while I don't want to be a worry wart, guns and anger reign free, and those two combinations are deadly to most involved. People have no tools to deal with disappointment or anger anymore. Dont be a victim of another person's issues.

protect yourself as much as possible if the situation is as volatile as you are posting.

Instead make him want to breakup with you. That's the safest way out of this. If you need some ideas on how to do that just let me know.

That's a good idea lamar.

Just be careful

My ex used to say things like that. He would get even for some slight or cause someone to get fired. He never threatened me. It was all talk about what he would do to others. The ex wasn't what he pretended to be. But when someone talks like that it makes you wonder what will happen to you if you want to leave.

I left and all he did was cause me some minor problems that I quickly took care of. He was all mouth and couldn't back up his words with actions. He had me worried until I figured out what he was doing. Only you will know if your bf is all talk or not. Has he ever threatened you? Has he ever shoved or hit you? If he has then you should be worried. If he hasn't he's probably just all words.

You are wise to protect yourself until you definitely figure this man out.

Thanks, everyone.

Trisha, I am inclined to believe I might have a similar experience - that this guy is kind of a blowhard and perhaps the worst that will happen is I'll get a bunch of angry text messages calling me every name in the book. He seems to have already backed down significantly from the "financial ruin" he pledged toward his former employer - a few days after this pledge to make his ex-boss's life "a living nightmare," I asked him if he was still planning on harassing his former boss and he said, "I said some things but I don't want to waste energy on it." Sounds like what you're describing.

Lamar, I think you're onto something there. Earlier today I decided I'll break up with him at the end of the month when my current roommate moves out, just so she won't be affected by any of this. But that's another 2 weeks, and I figure in the coming 2 weeks I'll act distant so that he hopefully either expects that this is ending or decides that I'm a bad girlfriend.

He has alluded to an "incident" in college, some outburst of rage that he won't tell me the specifics of, that resulted in him losing "all" of his friends, so that plus all the entitlement-driven rage I've witnessed makes me worried about what's gonna happen when I break up with him. I am 100% convinced I gotta get out now before things get worse.

As ChiTownBear said, "Don't be a victim of another person's issues." His issues have already taken up too much of my time and my brainspace. Although he hasn't abused me directly, I have told him his anger makes me uncomfortable and I don't enjoy being around it, and he continues to vent to me angrily as if he has no regard for my feelings, which is a kind of passive-aggressive emotional abuse if you ask me. So, I think I will speak with a DV org just to feel like I have a plan and am supported. Thanks again, everybody. Your support is helping me a lot and I really, genuinely appreciate it.

Well, I've already started ignoring/not opening text messages, and just in these last 12 hours, I'm alarmed by how bad, how guilty and wrong, I feel for ignoring him. Geez Louise! Have I been well-programmed or what?! Does anyone have any words of wisdom for mitigating this guilt I'm feeling?

You are saving your own life. Hang in and hang on. Be glad it's not been 20plus years!

You have been programmed by not only him, but possibly your whole life to be responsible. To not ignore people, its just rude.

But in some cases, to really drive a point home, you need to do what you need to do. So its Ok, when the situation is extreme. What is not Ok is when you use these tactics to hurt people intentionally or that is just how you lead your life in general; ignoring people just cus you can.

I guess the only problem I see is if he has no idea there is anything wrong with the relationship. Like you haven't shared with him your displeasure and if things dont change, you are out. Then this ignorance you are doing, he has no idea why, and it could lead to worse consequences.

I don't know your situation by detail, but I still go back to the Original post, where you listed out things as if you were a mod wife or gf or something. So I guess, I can only say, you may not be able to treat this breakup as any sane or normal relationship would break up. So be mindful and calculated in your decisions, including when and how often you ignore him.

You know him best, so you know when you come close to a line. Make sure you want to cross that line, when you do. Cus timing, is key, in anything. especially situations like this.

be safe

mod = mob

(havent even had my first full cup of coffee yet) :)

Please don't feel bad when you're ignoring his texts. You're taking the path that you hope will be of least resistance, or the path that will create the least amount of stress and anger while giving him the feeling that it's all his idea to breakup. I think it's a smart move, if it can work. And while that is a protective thing on your part, it also shows that you care about him, that you're a good person, in that you want to minimize the turmoil for you and him too. Many people would go all guns ablazing and tell him off and bring 9 of their biggest friends to intimidate him.

In my case, my distant and emotionally abusive husband was never threatening outright or outwardly angry toward others. But he's passive aggressive, and hurtful just the same. He bottles his anger up and it comes out constantly in childish, mean, spiteful little ways. He's like a 2 liter bottle of soda all shaken up, and when you unscrew the cap just a little, those gasses come out, a little at a time, and they take forever it seems before they're all out. I'm target #1. I detached myself from him, by using the same methods I imagine he used on me all these years. I started not asking "what" if I didn't hear or understand him. I stopped answering if he called me from across the house. I took the roundabout way to get around the house, avoiding him. I stopped sitting on the couch and watching tv with him, because that was where he always went when home, and that's where it was easiest for him to ignore me. I felt mean doing these things, as I like to engage with people. But it got easier each day, and now I'm in a better place for it. I had to protect myself, so do you.