Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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LonelyinTally 06/13/2018

My wife of seven years recently divorced me out of the blue. Looking back, I can see where she started withdrawing from me several months ago (on her computer and Instagram a lot) and started losing a lot of weight for no apparent reason. After the divorce, she said that she wanted to date me and hopefully with a fresh start we could renew our relationship and maybe get married again one day. I agreed to date her, but after two weeks of that, I realized that other than cooking me a couple of good meals and going out a couple of times, I was doing all of the persuing. I was rubbing her back, running my fingers up and down her arm, reaching to hold her hand, telling her that I loved her, going in for the kiss etc. but wasn't getting much response or initiation from her. This last Sunday, she called me and said that she just wants to end it for good. My question is, why she would even bother trying to date anyway. Was this because she felt guilty? Was it because she was trying to make a good show for our friends? I'm on an emotional rollercoaster and nothing makes sense right now. I always thought we had an unbreakable bond. I was always faithful and loved her.

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Irish925 06/13/2018

LonelyinTally - Wow, IMHO you got played! She just was "acting" and putting on a good face. "several months ago (on her computer and Instagram a lot) and started losing a lot of weight for no apparent reason" - Reason (again IMHO) another man...should have checked her computer or did some research and find some evidence but i'm guess you just played the nice guy and didnt want to find what you already knew (DEEP DOWN INSIDE OF YOU). Unfortunately,, now you know (IMHO). She played the routine for 2 weeks, just enough time for her to tell herself, "see I tried and it didn't work...Im glad we divorced". This is all speculative, but I bet $1000 that she's involved w/ another person. I am so sorry you are going thru this, if you look back, TRULY look back you will be able to see some red flares shoot up around your relationship. She didn't necessaryily feel guilty, more like sorry for you and didnt want to hurt your feelings w/ the truth. Sorry bud...

You sound like a nice guy, well you know where nice guys finish in this world...yep, last. Now its time for you to build on yourself. Learn from this experience and have it make a better person of you from it. Focus on yourself...again, I am sorry you got put thru this and my comments are just my opinion but when you've been around numerous boards you get to see certain "trends" this being one of those. You might have been plan B or her backup plan if she fell on her face which doesnt sound like she did...and thusly wants to move on...please do the same, and dont let her burn you twice....be done w/ her and start working/building on a new you!!!

LonelyinTally 06/13/2018

Thank you for the input. I agree that she played me. I confronted her about losing the weight and being on her computer all the time, but she convinced me that she loved me and was only losing the weight for me. She said that I'm stuck with her and that she would never leave me. I think she started feeling the heat and was buying more time. I am moving on, but this is still fresh so the pain is still there. My conscience is clear though knowing that I was a good husband and provider. Thankfully, we don't have any kids together. She didn't take much from the divorce either, so I ended up on the winning end of that (probably because she felt guilty or just wanted a fast escape). She will be the one suffering the consequences of her decisions one day. I don't wish her harm, but would never go back to her after what she's done. God Bless!

S71 06/14/2018

I’m sorry you’re going thru this. Maybe she thought that by dating you again it would bring back that excitement of those times. Maybe she put on the weight thru the years, it happens, and now having lost it, she felt fresh. I would take it as she was trying to see for herself if there was something still there between the two of you. Keep on with the healing process.

LonelyinTally 06/14/2018

Thank you S71. I'd like to think so, but I think that she just wanted a whole new life. If she was worried about our relationship, she wouldn't have divorced me and moved out so quickly.

TheWay1 06/15/2018

I am sorry to hear this. I believe that a marriage is worth fighting for, even when it seems hopeless. Have you considered trying to do some couples counseling, or talking to a pastor? I will be praying for the both of you and hope to hear from you soon!

LonelyinTally 06/16/2018

We did counseling after about a year of marriage with our pastor and after two sessions, she refused to go back. She felt like the pastor was siding with me over some issues because we were both men. After our divorce, I suggested that we go to a woman counselor, but she told me that she wanted to end it for good right before our first session. I really believe that she wants a complete change in her life. She just got a whole new hairstyle, new place to live, and I believe wants a new boyfriend. Sadly, I think it's a mid-life crisis and she is searching for happiness that she will never find. She has gotten far from God and I don't even feel like I know her anymore. The words that come out of her mouth are shocking and not her at all. She works for the prison system and I'm afraid that she has picked up all of the language from there. If you're a Christian, please pray for her.

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