Hi,

Sorry for this hardship & it's brave of you to reach out for others' thoughts. Most important is that you keep in touch with active support until you are feeling less broken or strong enough to stand independently.

I'd try to encourage him to connect with marriage/couples therapy or a skilled family specialist. And no matter what your circumstances, there are many alternatives in which you may find useful resources to gain a better knowledge or perception of how to deal with what's happening now. Personally, I don't believe that your husband's feeling for you have changed so drastically. On some stressful days, it could be that there are spontaneous words spewed out in frustration because he's exposed & embarrassed or that he's feeling the force of shame with his outside flings. Take such gloomy days as one step at a time. I mean...I'd take it seriously about how he has sworn to be faithful, and use this as a method to get through to his honorable side. You have his oath as leverage: stand firm in reminding him that he once pledged to respect you & do take the advantage to hold him accountable for his promise. Add to that, perhaps helping him to recall why he married you is a good idea for now. Gaze deeply into his eyes & ask him to confess that he aches to leave you & your children. I see him squirm through this. Because I don't believe that his outside attractions mean more to him than his words of devotion & commitment. Help him to sense his honor.

However, I do understand that you may feel unable emotionally to endure any further challenges with him. So accepting this type of experience is usually done by careful consideration of facts, truths & attention to what's in the best interest of all formal concerns. Only as you factor in how this will touch the lives & feelings of your children, which I assume are not yet adults, then determining to break up the family structure will be the most difficult part of your options. Though, surely, he still has strong caring feelings for them. And perhaps his true feelings for them will shake him back to remembering his responsibilities as a loyal husband & father.

...hoping & sending prayerful thoughts for you to have success in saving your marriage. Pray earnestly for God's guidance. God knows both of you perfectly. Then, as your husband may still have faith, praying fervently together as a couple always helps to open up honest communication. Gradually things lighten. Awareness of the good of your marriage & the marvelous love you share will infuse understanding the best approach to save your marriage. I hope the best :-).

ℛℰℳ¡Åℋ... ✘♥✘♥

is he by chance going through some midlife crises ? I don't think he is being realistic about being in long term relationship. being like a best friend is a good things as it shows both are comfortable with one another, openly communicate, understand one another well, have fun etc...
I believe the love he is referring to is excitement, something new and unfamiliar which only last in short term relationship. If he is looking for life companionship, he is making a big mistake. he is not going to find stability in any future relationship if he looks for someone with that intention.
As for 'nothing likeable about you', its true you could have changed as a person over a period of time but it could also be likely that he got so used to your own unique personality/energy (something he used to appreciate about you) that he has taken it for granted.
I hope he knows what he is doing, not just for his sake but also yours too as you don't want to suffer merely over his stupidity.

How long have you been married? Ages?

You mention his faith - what about yours?

All in all - rest well knowing you are not alone. God travels with you. And I'm fairly certain so do friend(s) and family. There are no words that could ease the sharply piercing edges of wrathful words, but trust that time will heal all. You definitely ought to find some things to occupy your mind, time and physical energy. Try to go to sleep so exhausted. Those thoughts can and will be rollercoasters - knock yourself out with positive activities that require energy, esp with friends. In a little time, you will be a bit more balanced and better capable of approaching or looking at the situation.

I'm so sorry.

Sorry what ur going through. It's very painfull. Midlife crisis or not this man is cheating on you. What you found out and what he admitted to is just 25% of the truth. Get STD tested.
If he would have been truly renorsefull a recovery could have been possible, but you can't do it alone he needs to be all in and committed and at the moment he is not.
Maybe take some time apart for both of you to think and start counseling for urself it will help you a lot and give you strength. Go out with friends join a sport or other type of group just do you- things.
You can't force him you can only work on ur own self esteem. Hugs

Thank you all for the support. He's only 37 so I'm not sure it's a midlife crisis. He's always been one of those people who thinks the grass is greener on the other side. It's getting hard to be around him. He makes no effort to see or care for our kids. We work at the same place and he's starting to turn our co-workers against me. He wrecked our car and hid it from me. He continues to put his wants and desires ahead of everyone else. I don't understand. I didn't do anything wrong. What happened to the man I fell in love with? Why is he being so hurtful? I'm starting to see a therapist soon. Hopefully she can help me make good decisions and not emotional ones.

You've backed him in a corner and he's come back fighting. Depending on how you operate you will entrench him or not, but most people when caught doing something naughty will not fundamentally adjust their attitude and be penitent. Most people will rationalise, justify the action, which usually requires them to put you down. Once they've done that successfully it's clear to them that you deserve to be treated badly, and that's where they go with it.

don't worry about the people at work turning against you. What they will actually be doing is withdrawing from both of you. They don't want to go down in the fight, hit by a stray shot. So they duck and cover, no matter their own personal opinions. So don't sweat that issue.

37 and getting the hots for young things. I tend to think that's natural, because marriage is a long time and we get acclimatised to this person who becomes like an extension of our body. We take that person for granted... and thrills come from the unexpected and unknown. Like this hot 19 yr old. Sending his hormones into overdrive.

How he BEHAVES, however, that is down to him. That's different. How he feels - sure. But how he acts? No.

I have no answers, though. I don't know how to live. I don't know how to have a relationship any more. But hubby does sound like maybe he isn't going to be your forever husband.

I'm sorry that you've had to experience this, but it's so positive that you have reached out! Have you considered speaking to a Pastor or a professional? I think that it would be good to have individual and couples sessions to explore the underlying causes of your husband's behaviour and for his verbalized feelings towards you.

In the meantime, I encourage you foremost to pray. The reality is that only God can raise up something that is dead. You cannot change your husband, but you can change how you choose to respond whilst you wait on God to move in this situation. God Bless