Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
OK, different day, different sh*t with the ex.
Cobra issue resolved, sidestepped him and went to his HR. He was glad to be out of the middle, I was gladder to have him out.
Bigger issue is now this, and this was my biggest concern - we settled on a buyer for the house, but ex is not coming up with the money we need to pay back taxes and other fees needed to get a certificate of occupancy on the new house. Divorce settlement papers specify that we each need to come up with 50% of costs/fees/taxes and do whatever it takes to "effectuate the timely sale of the house". I can't get immersed in the "whys" of him not having the money, because he could get it from his mom or have his credit card limit increased. After all, he's living with his mom and I'm the one paying our mortgage. He skipped two support payments before the automatic payments finally kicked in (another matter I need to resolve) so he's got some cash. He still golfs at least twice a week, so he's got some cash.
Spoke to my lawyer a few weeks ago, she is hesitant to go back to court to file a motion, primarily because she believes it will serve to shut him down even more. Like that could happen! But I trust her on that one, it's the absolute last resort.
Does anyone have any experience successfully dealing with someone who is purposefully impeding the progress of their post-divorce settlement? Short of the legal system? He doesn't want to communicate at all. He interprets any request for anything as an attack on him. He doesn't take my calls, doesn't respond to texts or emails, doesn't take calls from the township (who are now threatening to cite him), I think he's afraid to have everything settled, and have money in his pocket, because then he has to deal with paying his mom back the money he borrowed from her a couple of years ago (or not paying her), and having to grow up and find a place of his own to live in.
I'm trying to find wording that will point out to him the benefits of finally having this stuff resolved, but I don't think he wants to actually have it resolved. He is controlled by his own fears, he is comfortable in limbo. I am (still) controlled by him until the house is sold, the other marital bills are paid with the proceeds, and the remainder is divided up between us.
I am reading "Living With the Passive Aggressive Man" by Scott Wetzler, and the gist seems to be to lay boundaries, stick by them, and I should get the outcome I need. But I don't have weeks, months, a lifetime. I need action now.
The more I put this problem into words, the more I think I need to involve the real estate attorney and the realtor in getting ex to cooperate.
???????????
Still, life is good without him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That have spouses that are emotional bullies, abusers
Or emotional manipulators. It is a tactic that type uses
As a way to control. The hard part is trying to get the
PA Person to act reasonable, Honorable or normal.
Keep at him thru the legal channels would be my guess
Where there are actual consequences for his actions. He
is out To take all your money and make you pay. Thats what
my Ex thinks i am doing to him. They often project onto you
what they would do themselves. HUGS
My divorce attorney wanted to go after him for breach of contract because he wouldn’t abide the terms of the settlement agreement. I told her if she wanted to do that for free, go right ahead. I wasn’t going to spend what little I had left in attorney’s fees with little chance of winning. Never heard from her again.
I also don't want to spend more money enforcing him to abide by the settlement agreement. If I absolutely have to, I was considering filing a motion myself with the court, bringing it to their attention that he's not doing his part. I think I would have to wait till the real estate deal actually falls through or is just about to fall through due to his negligence before I could do that. Not sure. I would then ask the court to have me pay all of the fees needed to sell the house, and to give me absolute control over any sale (hoping) and then to be reimbursed 100% first, from the proceeds of the sale for my expenses. That's what I wanted from the beginning, but at the 11th hour, both attorneys decided we would each kick in 50%. I knew that was a doomed idea, but if we didn't settle that day (and it was 3:30, court closed at 4:30), the judge said we were to go home and prepare for trial that next Monday.