Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am a 58 yr old widow raising 2 granddaughters. I met a man 4 years ago, he moved into my home 2 years ago. I wanted to get engaged to show a committment because I was raising teenagers. We got engaged. I told him at that time, I didn't think I wanted to marry again and he was fine with that. After living together a year, I made the comment that "I couldn't believe him when he said he would do something" and he left me immediately and moved back into his home. A few days later he apologized for suddenly leaving, asked me to forgive him and let him move back in. I let him move back after a long talk and he promised he would never suddenly leave. We would talk things out. We had issues we didn't talk about and a year later he did it again, only worse. He showed up with a friend and a trailer and announced he was moving out. I was shocked, clueless, he never mentioned he wanted out. I think it was a sudden decision based upon his unhappiness with us and I recently gave him the "silent treatment" for a week or so.
He says he loves me but can't be with me. I think it we talk, we can work out our problems. Friends and family say he is not the one for me and I will always be worried that he will just walk away again. They are right. I love him and want him back. Should I just let him go or try to get him to work things out. I honestly don't know if he will even want to try again. He said that he was going to tell me he needed a break from me but didn't get the opportunity because I was irrational. I was in shock, hurt and very irrational when he came home with a buddy and said he was moving out. I apologized for my crazy, irrational behavior. We have had alot of text threats of calling cops, his refusal to give back house keys, etc. He has never apologized for his behavior. I am the one trying to mend fences. Initially, I felt he can't be trusted, he did it again after promising he would never suddenly leave without talking first. Should I even try to discuss rebuilding our relationship. Not move in together. Start again living apart and see how things go. I need advice
Think about what you are teaching them by your actions.
He wanted out,He wanted to leave,He does not think it can work,He says he loves you but cant be with you, Here are 4 answers from him to you that you
should move on,Make haste too because the longer you wait, you render your
life stagnant,become your own curse and miss out on what the Universe is
trying to convince you that your worth, Hugs and warm energy showering you
abundantly,
I can't tell you what to do. You have to make the right decision for you. However, I can say that I think you deserve someone who will stick around. You can't beat yourself up for his behavior, whatever is going on with him, he is perpetuating it and it sounds like it's becoming a dysfunctional cycle. It isn't fair to you or your grand daughters (you sound too young to be a grandma, btw), there are more reliable men out there and that I think are worth checking out. That said, you can't choose who you love, but you can choose how to live with it. In other words, you shouldn't have to be the only one reaching out. He knows where and how to find you, he should be reaching out too. It sounds as if your family is just looking out for you, but I can relate to caring for someone who others don't think deserve you and more often than not, they are right, but it can be hard to face. It doesn't mean you'll stop caring for him or he'll stop caring for you, but it sounds like letting you down is becoming a bad habit for him. Raising kids can be trying and you definitely need a solid support system. Unless, he is really willing to work through his issues with you such as through couples counseling or individual therapy, it is hard to say if he won't let you down again once you let him back in fully. I don't know the whole story and I can't pass judgement, but I believe that you deserve better, you just have to believe that too. Good luck!