Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So next week will be three months since my wife of 15 years decided to leave. Those three months have been something of a roller coaster ride. My child is about to hit adolescence, and is doing everything possible to avoid thinking or talking about "the new normal". A friend came over yesterday and asked where mom was, and after a long silence all that was said was "that...is a tricky subject". All of my child's rage is being pushed onto the other man, whom my wife is pushing for them to meet so that she does not have to "compartmentalize her time". I finally pushed back and told her that she needed to back off. Not only was it not cool to make her child face this person who helped destroy their world after a mere couple of months, but I refused to normalize or validate her infidelity in their eyes by blessing a meeting.
I am blessed to have a good support group, and a good therapist. They are helping me to get through this. That is not to say that things are good yet. I don't have "good" days right now, just "better" ones. I'm getting there, though. If I am going to have a difficult time, it is going to be at night when I am all alone here in this bed. I still find myself moving my hand across her pillow at times, whispering "I love you".
It's been quiet lately, as my wife's communication with me has all but disappeared apart from the business-like messages pertaining to our child. It sparked a new kind of loss in my mind, which was unexpected. I hear her talking to my child on the phone, because the speaker is turned on half the time, and I sometimes feel jealous because my child is the recipient of attention and affection that I no longer receive.
Anyway, each day is its own entity with its own goals to be accomplished. And even if they don't get finished, there's always tomorrow.
Goodnight, all.
He left our daughter without a way to pay for the rest of her college. He took money from her education fund and lied about it. The sick thing is that he makes 6 figures!
He has never tried to talk to our daughter since he left. He has tried our son, who will no longer talk to him.
I often wonder if I ever really knew him. He had been having an affair years before he left.
Most days are good and some are not. I hope that you reach a place that is better for you. This was the hardest thing in my life to get through.
your obligation is to base your choices upon what is best for your son in the long run, you are tasked with raising a principled mentally healthy adult
it seems to me that kids would rather rage on the infidelity partner rather than the parent that has a new mr/mrs wonderfull
your son knows mom choose boyfriend over him, you don't need to point that out but you shouldn't pretend otherwise, truth is truth, his mothers truth is not for you to embellish nor diffuse
truth is you are his father, make it as easy as you can for your son to talk to about anything that he'll talk to you about, the weather, cars ......................
talk to him about considering counseling, he is old enough that a counselor couldn't tell you or his mom about what he says, might be good for him to vent
Anyways, he left me (a person who budgets and has financial obligations) for her. OF course, he wanted my 7 year old daughter to meet her and get to know her. I said no she is still dealing with that fact that daddy doesnt live iwth us, No! Well he went and introduced them anyways, and my daughter came home with so many questions! IS this my new mommy? What happens to you?
I went ballistic!!! Basically what happened was, I forbid my husband from seeing his daughter unless it was supervised by others and I forbid him from having his girlfriend around. He went crazy, and threatened me with divorce, suing me, child services, everything. Ultimately, he followed the rules. WIthin 3 months of being with his "most amazing best girlfriend in the whole entire world", he left her!!
Six months after he first introduced our daughter to new gf and he was No longer with her, I spoke with him and asked him what he was thinking taking our daughter to meet a stranger and introduce as his girlfriend.??!!? I asked him if it was worth our daughters mental well being for him to have done that to her??
He sees now the error of his ways... (in hindsight right). I told him it was the most difficult time ever. I said yes i realize we cant set a perfect time limit for how long you date her, but how about we get divorced first before you decide to introduce your new girlfriend? How about you live outside of our house for at least a few months before you have a "new love of your life." I warned him about the side effects this has on his children. I explained, we dont want our children growing up thinking they can be in love every month and thinknig thats okay. Lets make them aim for a loving long term relationship rather than in and out of relationnships. Maybe our relationship is messed up forever now, but lets do the best to raise our children right, not introduce them to strangers. I for one am glad i was able to speak to my husband about this. I hope the next girlfriend he realizes the impact he has on our little ones.
I wish all the best for you and your son. And i wish all the best that your ex snaps out of it and stops being selfish. ITs whats best for the child, not ourselves.