Better to end it before kids are involved. If love is gone I'd get out

Run away now!

I was married to a very brilliant manipulative narcissist

She had me convinvecef that I was a rotten husband and a rotten father

I thought I'd be lucky if my kids wanted to spend any part of custody with me
(They were old enough, that they should have a say)

I have them more than 50% of the time,

Point is , a narcissist that you love , will use that love to warp you anyway their sick self center mind wants and when they are done, they don't just cast you aside , they choose to indict a lot of pain upon your trusting heart

Run from this rotten shitbag

Did you ever feel so warped that you thought you were the narcissist? How did you overcome the emotional side of it?

The only thing that helped me was to finally accept that my ex was never going to change. I began having panic/anxiety/depression after 4 years together so I went to the doctor, she asked me about my home life and told me I was living with a narcissist. Once I found this site and all the information I never looked back. It helps to know others have been there and can help. It was the darkest, most unhappy period of my life. As much as it sucks (they weren't always like this) see it for what it is, it's him, not you. Thank your lucky stars to be free from him and finding peace in your life again. If he is anything like my ex, he will not leave you alone because any attention is good attention for a narcissist. I began to be indifferent with him (we share a child) because I had to deal with him, but if you can have a clean break, block his number, block any and every way he can possibly contact you and move on. It'll still hurt for awhile, but it really does get easier. Once I came out of the fog I was living in my life was so much better. Allow yourself to feel and process the end of the relationship, just don't camp out there. ;) You will get through it, I promise. :)

I was married to what I can best describe as a gaslighter. I suppose it's probably close to this.
After all of the head games and mental abuse I realized it never helped her one bit. She alienated everyone around her and has been left a very lonely person. These people deserve what they get even though it hurts to watch them suffer.
There are way too many good people in the world. The biggest lesson I've learned is don't fall for the b.s. test every person as if they were applying for a security clearance.

I'm currently dealing with similar issues and it's tearing me apart because I love him so much and I ignored all the warning signs. It's like I don't know how to live without him. I just wanna get on with my life but right now I don't have the strength to even walk out my house. I just wanna erase him from my mind, but five years of ups, down and craziness keep playing in my mind like I'm watching a stage play and he's pulling my strings as if I were his puppet...I hope things end well and get better for you...

Thank you for all of the sweet advice. I've been watching Ross Rosenberg videos on FB and it's helped shed some light on what I've went through with this man. It's really crazy to hear him talk about the exact same issues in went through. I will never go back, but I still have some recovering to do. I feel embarrassed about it all, and I have the PTSD thing happening ever now and again. there are still some issue with confusion due to the brainwashing I went through. Sweet81 I wish you the strength and courage to get out. I promise you will feel a bit of freedom when you get out. Just feeling the after affects is what you'll have to work through!