I'm dealing with the same thing so I truly understand. The hardest thing you have to do is stay away from someone you love whole heartedly because they are toxic. NC is great because it takes away his power. No matter what I was doing or where I was at, if he called I would drop everything to be with him but he would never ever do that for me. Catching him in lies and messing with other women was pointless because somehow he flips everything on me. They actually believe their own lies and want to attack you when they're caught then come with some great apology followed by romantic gestures. I know it's hard, but each day gets a little easier. Please don't end up like me just sitting in the house in the dark crying all the time! My prayers are with you and if you ever need to just vent I will always listen.

I'm not one for labels...

But people very seldom change.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfoufXs01KU

I just went through the the same thing
I was with a guy for five years that manipulated me
I totally changed my life for him because of everything he kept telling me and then he leaves me for someone else
Changed his phone number and will have no contact with me

My stbx is also a narcissist. We were together 22 years. He left me and our children 7 years ago for 4 months and I begged and pleaded for him to come back. He too convinced me that I was the one with the issues and I sought counseling. We moved away from my family and I thought we were doing great. Out of the blue while we were in bed, he said he wasn’t happy and wanted a divorce. He left before our children got up so I had to tell them by myself. I have learned a lot about narcissism and it fits him to a “T”. Strangely this time it was almost a relief to myself and our children. I still get scared about the future and cry at times for what I thought we had but I know God has a better plan for me! Our divorce will be final July 3rd. You are not alone!

I was with a narcissist for 20 years...the damage he did to me is something I’m still trying to bounce back from 3 years later. I ended cheating on him in the end bc I honestly believed him when he told me no one would ever treat me like he did. Because I cheated the oldest of our 4 children has had nothing to do with me for these 3 years and doesn’t look like there’s hope for reconciliation anytime in the near future. Narcissistic people need to control situations and as long as they know they are making you miserable they feel empowered. Does that stop me from missing my ex? No, I still sometimes wish I didn’t leave...lately especially when I’m missing my son I beg God to bring us back together. I know the reality is he is really bad for me and I will probably always struggle from the emotional damage and never fully understand how he put our children in he middle and allow my first born to treat me as if I don’t exist but this is what they do. I don’t know they are even capable of real love. I think we always want to things we can’t or shouldn’t...I wish everyday he could change and we could be but I think I’m only hindering my own progress. And I long for that apology...the one he owes me for telling the world I was a horrible wife and mother bc I couldn’t stay married to him. I was a damn good wife and an even better mother and no matter what happened between him and I, it should have never cost me my son. I know he was hurt over my affair but it’s impossible to get a narcissist to understand the hurt they cause. They are never at fault and our feelings are never valid unless validated by them. Hold your head high and walk away if you can. I was too afraid to end it, I didn’t want my kids to have divorced parents, instead they saw their dad treat me like dirt and then physically abuse me. And now I don’t see one of them bc I reached and was talking to someone who made me feel good about myself. Something he should have been doing all along.

It's hard to leave when you are in love. But if there is disrespect and outright verbal or emotional abuse you need to make the right decision. Bite the bullet and cut off all contact for ever. It will be extremely painful but know you will be doing the right thing and the pain will not last. I reached out to all my people in a 12 step program. One person texted me back and said he could identify with obsession. He let me text him all my pain. He asked how painful does it have to get before you are willing to let it go. He kept saying turn it over to God. He would not let me become dependent on him I had to watch that as it was happening I realized that I was not obsessing about my ex narc but was now obsessing about the person I was leaning on and whom I had never met. I realized that it wasn't love. And if I got over my ex by having someone unconditionally there for me i knew I could get over my new obsession very quickly. It's not love it's dependency. I turned to my Higher Power and kept asking my Higher Power to take away the obsession. I had to move on from the person who was helping me as I didn't want to develop a new painful dependency with someone who was not available for me. So I joined 12 step programs for anything made new friends got phone numbers to call. You call others to see how they are doing to get out from your obsessional thinking. It works. It will hurt like hell in the beginning but if you keep reaching out and know that you make the right decision to never go back the pain will pass. You can't sit in your room and think about your ex narc in loving ways remembering that you love him or her. You deserve to be loved back. Refuse to accept abusive behaviour. Run don't walk. Get involved in community service. Anything to meet new people and get out of your head. Yell STOP each time he/she crosses your thoughts which is constant in the beginning. It's and addiction you need a Higher Power. Get a Higher Power of your own concept. Just a power greater than yourself. If you are helpless over your addiction to your ex narc give it over to a Higher Power. Hope this helps. Recovered from addictive love. Take Care!

You slipped up, it's ok. You know he belittles you and makes you feel worthless, and that's he's bad news all around. Go back to No Contact and keep reminding yourself that you are stable and smart and making good choices for yourself. Slip ups happen, don't let this one define your progress.