I’ve never done this before but I hope someone is here to listen.

 I have recently faced some really bad personal struggles coping with my last relationship that ended less than two months ago 

I’ll try and make a long story short . If you want to skip to my feelings they are at the bottom . 

I met this guy last summer through a friend. At first I told my friend I was not really interested in this guy as I did not want to really date someone. He had recently broke up with his ex boyfriend who had cheated on him he told me.

I took my time getting to know him and we started FaceTiming and texting a lot. I asked him if it was too much on his schedule as he was in medical school and he said no. He tried a lot in the beginning.  We then started spending a lot of time together over the next couple of months.  I was still casually dating other guys that I was not interested in.  Finally around September to October I told him I was really interested in him, but if he was not okay with it let me know.

Everything was going well until I found out he was talking to other guys, at which point I told him I was uncomfortable with and if he wanted to do that please exclude me out of it. He said no no, I will only talk to you. We did become official and started spending a lot of time together dates, friends etc. Well the holidays came around and we spent time together and my birthday. 

A week after my birthday one day he asked me what the plan that day and I told him I was going to go home. A week after this I found out he slept over this guy’s house because the guy was texting him right next to us.  This is now the second time, I told him I do not want to date him if this is what it will be. He told me he just wanted to get out of the city - that was his excuse 

I took a couple of days talked to him and told him if we can work on this I do not mind. I forgave him. We spent Valentine’s Day together and then one day he told me he was going home to visit his family because his grandfather was ill. So he went to the airport and the entire time he was in Vegas with his friend texting me as if he was home. The only reason I found out was because once again things didn’t make sense and why is he lying to me over things like this. He told me once again it was because of personal things . Why not just tell me you wanted to go see a friend ? I would not care.

The final straw was two months later I found out he was still going on dates and talking to other guys. I am his boyfriend at this time once again (reminder ).  He told me it’s not the same as what his ex did to him because he was not having sex with these men. I exploded with anger and frustration at this point . He told me I made him uncomfortable because of how angry I was.  after someone keeps doing you wrong you get so upset. Fast forward to two months later we are still broken up and I am not sure what to feel. 

I had to reach out to talk to him, he never tried after that and I feel like if you love someone how can you treat them like this? I had so much planned for his bday the next month and forgot I even ordered him flowers and wrote a personal letter 

Im upset, I’m angry , I miss him , I have resentment , I have so much pain. I cry , I have deleted my social media and I have disassociated myself from the world. I have kept my phone on DND and I feel like I need to talk to someone exterior to my friends or family because it’s so hard. I am so all over the place but deep down inside I really do miss him and I do not even know why. 

We had been dating for about a year and throughout the time it was so hard for me and I really did try