7 years is a pretty substantial time period; it's enough time to have learnt someone. It's also a pretty long time to have gotten over someone. Is it possible that in fact you are being unfair to your husband by not giving all of yourself to him?

I’m not sure that telling your husband the truth is the right way to go at this point. You have pined over someone that has been gone for a very long time, so in fact don’t you think your problem is you? Why have you not been able to see that you are a valuable person, but that you were not a perfect fit for your former lover and he moved on? Doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy in any way, just that it didn’t work. There are others who value you – and apparently the person you chose is one of them. I am thinking private counseling for you (and you can tell your counselor the truth), and couples counseling so you can perhaps be able to go forward with a positive outlook on your life together. Try to stop treasuring what is gone and instead value what you have. I have prayed for you and wish you the best.

when you have someone in your back pocket as your 'ideal' you are unable to commit to the guy in front of you. But I have to say the ex is gone, and he went for a reason. So he is not the ideal. he's just the escapist fantasy.

you've probably imbued him with all manner of wonderful traits by now. After all, he doesn't have to front up in reality does he. he just has to sit as the perfect man in your mind.

I bet if you had to get together with this godman you have created, that you wouldn't last a month before all your illusions were shattered.

you've got the brass to talk about lack of character in someone else
you are extremely selfish, deceitful, and ok using another human being
YOU ought to change for the better, get some character yousrelf,

You are probably going to need to go to counseling because you never got past your first relationship. If not this cycle will continue and your husband might seek a connection with someone else outside of you home. I feel that you need to be strong about making the first move to seek professional help not only for yourself but for your husband because you will keep living an unsatisfied life. It is never too late to take a step forward to a positive change.

You sound like you may not be emotionally committed to the relationship you're in. You've wasted 7 years of this man's life. How much more are you planning to selfishly flush before you wake up and smell the roses? Get into counseling and keep your trap shut until you can have an intelligent conversation that does not shatter this man's soul.