Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
((Normally I apologize for my long posts, but not this time. I feel like there might be something here that might help someone, and I hope it does!))
My Personal Survival Tips:
First off my heart goes out to everyone here that has suffered at the hands of an ended relationship. Regardless of whatever stage of that relationship you were in. Be in the pre-breakup when your partner might hint that they are thinking that the end is near and most likely tell you that the end is what they desire. If youre in the thick of it, its happening now, the talks are happening or perhaps just recently the end was made official. Perhaps now youre on the other side of the breakup, the announcements and talks are over, its finished, now youre in the raw zone, the fresh zone or it is hitting me like a ton of bricks zone! Perhaps youve been broken up a while and still through some of the hurt, youre doing your best to try and process it all and make sense of things. Perhaps youve been broken up for a good long while like some of us, perhaps youve made some sort of peace with the situation and are beginning and or starting to enjoy your new life with just yourself and quite possibly enough time and healing has gone by that youre now enjoying your life with another. Whatever stage youre currently at, just know, being it hurtful, be it painful, be it confusing, be it frustrating, be it peaceful or now be it with someone new, youre not alone!
Next, none of the information Im providing here is based upon scientific facts or figures, Ive done no research at all for this, the following is just based on my own personal observations of others within this support group, from things in my own personal life, and things I have been exposed to within the meeting halls of some of my support group meetings and conversations Ive had with people about relationships and breakups.
Expectations:
Personally for myself, during and after my breakup I felt it important to talk to my closest friends and family about the event. Some of those conversations were gone into with a high level of expectation in regards to how I felt the other person was going to respond to me. Even with friends and family I once helped through their own lifes events, giving them all my concern, giving them all my care, I would have expected the same in return. With some people whom once I was totally there for werent totally there for me. With some people, it appeared that they didnt place the same level of urgency, concern, care or value on what I was saying. With some people I felt more hurt walking away from a conversation than I did going into it. Granted, a serious relationship that has broken up is a huge life changing event, but remember that the events of our situation might not be as serious to some. Remember that going into talks with friends and family and others that you might not get out of it what you think youre going to get. Just be careful, go into talks with people a little guarded, for if they dont give what might be expected, you possibly wont get hurt as badly walking away from it.
Words:
On top of the possible expectations of going into talks and or conversations with people, as to try and talk it through, try and make sense of it all, try to get some answers if youre confused or frustrated, or to just vent and ramble. Whatever lead you to talk to a person about your plight, please be careful, because for myself not only did expectations hurt me, but people words did as well. The most cruelest thing Ive learned that people when hearing about a breakup can say is things like he/she wasnt worth being with you in the first place! Or, Youre better off without them! Or the biggest thing that Ive had most issue with is when someone says get over it and move on! First off in my mind I have answered my quotes like so you think that person wasnt worth it.at one time I thought that person was worth it, whats that worth to you? So you think Im better off without themat one time I thought I was way better with them, whats that worth to you? And when hearing the get over it and move onpretty easy to preach when youre not the one going through it! Also a side observation I have noticed, I have found that the words get over it and move on were uttered very quickly and easy from the people in my life who have someone. In the back of my mind Id say things like, those are pretty easy words to tell me when you know when this talk is over, youll hop into your car, drive home and get greeted by your loved one at the door. I dont know, I just found that observation coincidentally odd. Dont let anyone, I dont care who they are, dont let anyone devalue your feeling by intentional or unintentional hurtful words. If you dont like what their saying or maybe the words their using, let them know.
Control:
This by far has been the biggest issue Ive had with people during all the stages of my breakup and that it other people trying to control me. Ill just give one example, and Ill take it from my example above. For me when people would use the words get over it Aaron, its been x-y & z amount of time, get over it and move on! Really? So the person Im speaking to wants to take control of the conversation and take over how I feel, take over my thoughts and power of choice by telling me to get over it and move on! I have despised people though out my breakup process by trying to tell me what to do. Ive had many of issue with people who want to take control and proceed to tell me that I should be over a particular something and I need to be over it within their time frames, not mine! At times it has bothered to me to no end, in regards to how other people think I should be doing at any given time since the breakup. It bothers me when people try to give me advice based upon a premise of control. I then very much stand fast with my own thoughts and feelings that my life is my life, what I feel and what I think is for me and me alone to deal with. If and when it becomes time to get over it is something that will happen by me and me alone, not someone else. And the moving on part will be something that happens when the time is right, not just because someone tells me to do so. Dont let people try and control you! Think what you will, feel what you will, dont let anyone devalue what youre going through by intentionality or unintentionally try to control your thoughts and feelings. Youll get over it and move on when you do, regardless of how much time it might take.
Memorabilia:
Just as hurtful as expectations, words or others people wanting the control, the items left behind can hurt just as much. Personally and only speaking for myself, the items that were left behind by my ex-fianc were very hard and at times very hurtful to deal with. Literally, within 24 hours of her departure I tried to dive into handling the items left behind. Just trying to pick up her clothes off the bedroom floor became an all day task. I had to take many breaks, to breathe, to calm down, to pull myself together, and to wipe the tears from my eyes, many breaks were taken due to the level of hurt and pain it was doing to me. It took two weeks in total to rid my old home of her major belongings, by way of the dumpster, thrift store donations or just giving some away to the people I knew, for the most part it got handled. The small amounts of items that remained were things I had chosen to keep. Were all entitled to do as we want to do, but for some the memorabilia left behind could seriously hurt, due to the memories attached to an item or items. Im just personally saying that ridding ones immediate environment of the items left behind by the departed could be a good thing. With the clearing out of the items it helps reduce the amount of visual reminders of that person, which might help you deal better with your thoughts and emotions. For the stuff I wanted to keep, knowing that one day Ill be on the other side of this and these little items wont hurt me as much or not at all. I proceeded to box them up and place the boxes in hard to reach places or with some Im having others store them for me at their homesthe out of sight, out of mind concept, looks good on paper but hard to do in the real world. Just be careful when dealing with the left behind items, if need be have a friend or family member help or do the work for you! No one who hasnt gone through a serious breakup wouldnt understand the power what a memory attached to an item can havejust be careful.
Photos / images / pictures / videos:
Personally speaking only for myself this was the hardest of the item left behind to deal with out of them all was the images! My ex-fianc and I through our relationship felt it important to fill our home with images of our love and experiences. So after she was gone I had 7 framed photos to tend to, our ocean trip, Lake Tahoe, San Francisco and such. I would personally recommend that whatever photos or images are out in view, and if looking at these brings you turmoil, hurt or pain, put them away! Go around the house, pick them up, grab a box and put them all inside it. Just like handling the personal items left behind by the departed, this too will reduce the amount of visual reminders around you. For me some of the photos just sucked me in, pow, there I was for brief moment s in time caught and trapped by a photo, all the while being hurt by the memory of the day of the image, feeling bad for myself that the day and place of the image taken would never happen again! Just be careful when dealing with photos, the same goes for videos. I had made 3 DVD-Rs of video of just us, around the house, our nightly walks, places gone, trips and such. If you have videos, like the photos, put them in the same box and put it out of reach or have someone else store it for you until such time that having them back wont hurt as bad or not at all.
Social Media:
For me this was a hard one to deal with, the whole social media thing! For approx two weeks after the breakup we remained friends on Facebook. As the days progressed this had proven to be a huge mistake. Seeing images of her from home, the starting to get on with her life! The reading about her pain, her hurt and her conflicts! The seeing of her posted images and such, just like I described in regards to handling photos, images, pictures and video, the same for me held true on Facebook. It became too much to deal with, too much hurt to contend with knowing that the one I loved was again 2000 miles away and I wasnt there nor she with me! Plus I had to sit myself down in my head and seriously point out if there ever came a day where she would find someone new, could I handle that, did I want to see that, did I want to handle that? The answer was no! So upon reading around here what others had chosen to do, I regrettably deleted my Facebook account. There was some blocking going on, for within the last three days of my account being alive, I was blocked. But still, even with a block, there was enough information slipping through to give me a rough estimation of what she was doing. Nothing like trying to read into what a new profile and cover photo mean! Plus I am only human, I got trapped by my own personal temptations to take a peek once in a while. So to keep myself from being tempted by both interpreting profile and cover photos I just went ahead and deleted my account. Were all subject to what were going to do. Perhaps some can exist on Facebook with just a block in place and not feel compelled to peek. Perhaps for some the temptation will become too great and chronic take a peek games will begin. Whatever you decide to do, just be careful! Social media can be a place of great joy and happiness, but on the flip side with situation like breakups it can bring pain and hurt as well. Id just personally recommend staying away from it, all social media that may link you to the departed. For they say when it comes to social media that ignorance is bliss, I dont believe that. The ignorance doesnt bring bliss, it bring you way to initially cope.
Contact:
Only personally speaking, if today in anyway shape or form if I was to be in any type of contact with my ex-fianc it would seriously be hindering, if not screeching my recovery to a grinding halt. My ex-fianc departed me on August-3rd or 2014, the last phone call weve had was back on August-7th of 2014, since then I have not talked to her. Around that time period I quickly became aware of a term used a lot around here called no contact! I read a lot of peoples stories and information regarding no contact! This in essence means to not communicate with the departed at all. Not phone calls, no texts, no e-mails, no Facebook, no Google+, no snap chat, no instagram, no twitter, no nothing! We then go about separating ourselves from them totally. I had learned that process is a tool to allow us to better cope with things, process, think, ponder, and eventually move on! We cant process and move forward if were still stuck in the departed. Unless there are situations like children involved and contact is a requirement, than perhaps do so very sparingly! Just talk about the kids, maybe the legal affairs if theres such things like a divorce happening, but nothing personal. No contact has worked wonders for me. It has helped keep me from getting hurt by trying to reach out to her, and within the early stages it kept me from getting hurt by removing the chance that I wouldnt get back from her what I wanted!
Environments:
Speaking for myself, this one has been a real hum dinger! This was such a problem for me that I had to go about setting up a 30 day Daily Strength plan just to stay away and stop it for a while. What Im talking about is be careful with hanging out or going to places that once might have been special places that you are you EX called your own! Just like with photos and videos and Facebook, going back to places that were once upon a time special places can be very hurtful, very painful and at least while the breakup is raw or fresh doing so can bring back memories of better times! And the snapping yourself out it, looking around and realizing that your EX isnt there with you while at one of these places can be very painful. Only speaking for me, the going back to the special spots almost became a sick addiction. I realize it now after not doing so for a while why it was an addiction to me. I realized that while I was at the spots, say the local park, sitting upon what used to be our bench where we enjoyed countless times, having fun, talking, watching people, talking about the future, what will we name our kids and so forth, I realized that I was becoming addicted to the brief couple minutes that my mind would go down memory lane, I was getting addicted to the escape and kind of living inside the memory! For a brief couple minutes my mind would kind of be fooled and for a short time the memory would allow me escape from the reality. I learned all this totally on my own! For one night when recently coming ending my little day trip to the river, as I was walking away something in my mind kept making me stop and making me look over my shoulder and would want to dive back into memory lane. I kept asking myself what the hell is going on, its as if I become more in pain walking away, than to stay! Thats when I realized my mind did want to stay, not because it was a beautiful evening on the river, it wanted to escape in some more memories again. To be honest with you folks, every time I would go to our old special places and for perhaps a couple minutes get the escape by way of memories, I always walked away more hurt than I did when arriving. Just be careful when attempting and or going back or hanging out at places that once used to be yours! Perhaps just stay away from these places until such time that revisiting them will be less hurtful to not at all.
Entertainment:
For myself, when it came to things like music and movies and TV shows and such, I quickly learned within days of my breakup that these can be serious triggers for me. For myself, within the almost 2 years of my relationship with my ex-fianc music had become such an intertwined part of our relationship. We had our special songs and special movies and such, where all these became a normal daily part of our landscape Just like with old photos, images, Facebook and the old special places around town, the music and movies and such can be hurtful and kind of be an audio and visual reminder of the departed. Even though its been well over 5 month since my breakup, I still cant listen to Nickelback! That band used to be one of our mainstays, plus their song got-a be someone out there, fricking tear jerker! I once used that songs video on my old Facebook page, I used it to describe how I did find that someone out there and that she was mine! Just be careful when dealing with the music and movies and television shows.
Well thats about all I got, I sure hope and pray that perhaps people will jump in here with other recommendations and suggestions in regards to breakup survival. I hope others can chime in here for I am not prefect and feel like I have missed some things.
Just remember, regardless where youre at in all of this, well all get through it together!
Hope this helped!
My Personal Survival Tips:
First off my heart goes out to everyone here that has suffered at the hands of an ended relationship. Regardless of whatever stage of that relationship you were in. Be in the pre-breakup when your partner might hint that they are thinking that the end is near and most likely tell you that the end is what they desire. If youre in the thick of it, its happening now, the talks are happening or perhaps just recently the end was made official. Perhaps now youre on the other side of the breakup, the announcements and talks are over, its finished, now youre in the raw zone, the fresh zone or it is hitting me like a ton of bricks zone! Perhaps youve been broken up a while and still through some of the hurt, youre doing your best to try and process it all and make sense of things. Perhaps youve been broken up for a good long while like some of us, perhaps youve made some sort of peace with the situation and are beginning and or starting to enjoy your new life with just yourself and quite possibly enough time and healing has gone by that youre now enjoying your life with another. Whatever stage youre currently at, just know, being it hurtful, be it painful, be it confusing, be it frustrating, be it peaceful or now be it with someone new, youre not alone!
Next, none of the information Im providing here is based upon scientific facts or figures, Ive done no research at all for this, the following is just based on my own personal observations of others within this support group, from things in my own personal life, and things I have been exposed to within the meeting halls of some of my support group meetings and conversations Ive had with people about relationships and breakups.
Expectations:
Personally for myself, during and after my breakup I felt it important to talk to my closest friends and family about the event. Some of those conversations were gone into with a high level of expectation in regards to how I felt the other person was going to respond to me. Even with friends and family I once helped through their own lifes events, giving them all my concern, giving them all my care, I would have expected the same in return. With some people whom once I was totally there for werent totally there for me. With some people, it appeared that they didnt place the same level of urgency, concern, care or value on what I was saying. With some people I felt more hurt walking away from a conversation than I did going into it. Granted, a serious relationship that has broken up is a huge life changing event, but remember that the events of our situation might not be as serious to some. Remember that going into talks with friends and family and others that you might not get out of it what you think youre going to get. Just be careful, go into talks with people a little guarded, for if they dont give what might be expected, you possibly wont get hurt as badly walking away from it.
Words:
On top of the possible expectations of going into talks and or conversations with people, as to try and talk it through, try and make sense of it all, try to get some answers if youre confused or frustrated, or to just vent and ramble. Whatever lead you to talk to a person about your plight, please be careful, because for myself not only did expectations hurt me, but people words did as well. The most cruelest thing Ive learned that people when hearing about a breakup can say is things like he/she wasnt worth being with you in the first place! Or, Youre better off without them! Or the biggest thing that Ive had most issue with is when someone says get over it and move on! First off in my mind I have answered my quotes like so you think that person wasnt worth it.at one time I thought that person was worth it, whats that worth to you? So you think Im better off without themat one time I thought I was way better with them, whats that worth to you? And when hearing the get over it and move onpretty easy to preach when youre not the one going through it! Also a side observation I have noticed, I have found that the words get over it and move on were uttered very quickly and easy from the people in my life who have someone. In the back of my mind Id say things like, those are pretty easy words to tell me when you know when this talk is over, youll hop into your car, drive home and get greeted by your loved one at the door. I dont know, I just found that observation coincidentally odd. Dont let anyone, I dont care who they are, dont let anyone devalue your feeling by intentional or unintentional hurtful words. If you dont like what their saying or maybe the words their using, let them know.
Control:
This by far has been the biggest issue Ive had with people during all the stages of my breakup and that it other people trying to control me. Ill just give one example, and Ill take it from my example above. For me when people would use the words get over it Aaron, its been x-y & z amount of time, get over it and move on! Really? So the person Im speaking to wants to take control of the conversation and take over how I feel, take over my thoughts and power of choice by telling me to get over it and move on! I have despised people though out my breakup process by trying to tell me what to do. Ive had many of issue with people who want to take control and proceed to tell me that I should be over a particular something and I need to be over it within their time frames, not mine! At times it has bothered to me to no end, in regards to how other people think I should be doing at any given time since the breakup. It bothers me when people try to give me advice based upon a premise of control. I then very much stand fast with my own thoughts and feelings that my life is my life, what I feel and what I think is for me and me alone to deal with. If and when it becomes time to get over it is something that will happen by me and me alone, not someone else. And the moving on part will be something that happens when the time is right, not just because someone tells me to do so. Dont let people try and control you! Think what you will, feel what you will, dont let anyone devalue what youre going through by intentionality or unintentionally try to control your thoughts and feelings. Youll get over it and move on when you do, regardless of how much time it might take.
Memorabilia:
Just as hurtful as expectations, words or others people wanting the control, the items left behind can hurt just as much. Personally and only speaking for myself, the items that were left behind by my ex-fianc were very hard and at times very hurtful to deal with. Literally, within 24 hours of her departure I tried to dive into handling the items left behind. Just trying to pick up her clothes off the bedroom floor became an all day task. I had to take many breaks, to breathe, to calm down, to pull myself together, and to wipe the tears from my eyes, many breaks were taken due to the level of hurt and pain it was doing to me. It took two weeks in total to rid my old home of her major belongings, by way of the dumpster, thrift store donations or just giving some away to the people I knew, for the most part it got handled. The small amounts of items that remained were things I had chosen to keep. Were all entitled to do as we want to do, but for some the memorabilia left behind could seriously hurt, due to the memories attached to an item or items. Im just personally saying that ridding ones immediate environment of the items left behind by the departed could be a good thing. With the clearing out of the items it helps reduce the amount of visual reminders of that person, which might help you deal better with your thoughts and emotions. For the stuff I wanted to keep, knowing that one day Ill be on the other side of this and these little items wont hurt me as much or not at all. I proceeded to box them up and place the boxes in hard to reach places or with some Im having others store them for me at their homesthe out of sight, out of mind concept, looks good on paper but hard to do in the real world. Just be careful when dealing with the left behind items, if need be have a friend or family member help or do the work for you! No one who hasnt gone through a serious breakup wouldnt understand the power what a memory attached to an item can havejust be careful.
Photos / images / pictures / videos:
Personally speaking only for myself this was the hardest of the item left behind to deal with out of them all was the images! My ex-fianc and I through our relationship felt it important to fill our home with images of our love and experiences. So after she was gone I had 7 framed photos to tend to, our ocean trip, Lake Tahoe, San Francisco and such. I would personally recommend that whatever photos or images are out in view, and if looking at these brings you turmoil, hurt or pain, put them away! Go around the house, pick them up, grab a box and put them all inside it. Just like handling the personal items left behind by the departed, this too will reduce the amount of visual reminders around you. For me some of the photos just sucked me in, pow, there I was for brief moment s in time caught and trapped by a photo, all the while being hurt by the memory of the day of the image, feeling bad for myself that the day and place of the image taken would never happen again! Just be careful when dealing with photos, the same goes for videos. I had made 3 DVD-Rs of video of just us, around the house, our nightly walks, places gone, trips and such. If you have videos, like the photos, put them in the same box and put it out of reach or have someone else store it for you until such time that having them back wont hurt as bad or not at all.
Social Media:
For me this was a hard one to deal with, the whole social media thing! For approx two weeks after the breakup we remained friends on Facebook. As the days progressed this had proven to be a huge mistake. Seeing images of her from home, the starting to get on with her life! The reading about her pain, her hurt and her conflicts! The seeing of her posted images and such, just like I described in regards to handling photos, images, pictures and video, the same for me held true on Facebook. It became too much to deal with, too much hurt to contend with knowing that the one I loved was again 2000 miles away and I wasnt there nor she with me! Plus I had to sit myself down in my head and seriously point out if there ever came a day where she would find someone new, could I handle that, did I want to see that, did I want to handle that? The answer was no! So upon reading around here what others had chosen to do, I regrettably deleted my Facebook account. There was some blocking going on, for within the last three days of my account being alive, I was blocked. But still, even with a block, there was enough information slipping through to give me a rough estimation of what she was doing. Nothing like trying to read into what a new profile and cover photo mean! Plus I am only human, I got trapped by my own personal temptations to take a peek once in a while. So to keep myself from being tempted by both interpreting profile and cover photos I just went ahead and deleted my account. Were all subject to what were going to do. Perhaps some can exist on Facebook with just a block in place and not feel compelled to peek. Perhaps for some the temptation will become too great and chronic take a peek games will begin. Whatever you decide to do, just be careful! Social media can be a place of great joy and happiness, but on the flip side with situation like breakups it can bring pain and hurt as well. Id just personally recommend staying away from it, all social media that may link you to the departed. For they say when it comes to social media that ignorance is bliss, I dont believe that. The ignorance doesnt bring bliss, it bring you way to initially cope.
Contact:
Only personally speaking, if today in anyway shape or form if I was to be in any type of contact with my ex-fianc it would seriously be hindering, if not screeching my recovery to a grinding halt. My ex-fianc departed me on August-3rd or 2014, the last phone call weve had was back on August-7th of 2014, since then I have not talked to her. Around that time period I quickly became aware of a term used a lot around here called no contact! I read a lot of peoples stories and information regarding no contact! This in essence means to not communicate with the departed at all. Not phone calls, no texts, no e-mails, no Facebook, no Google+, no snap chat, no instagram, no twitter, no nothing! We then go about separating ourselves from them totally. I had learned that process is a tool to allow us to better cope with things, process, think, ponder, and eventually move on! We cant process and move forward if were still stuck in the departed. Unless there are situations like children involved and contact is a requirement, than perhaps do so very sparingly! Just talk about the kids, maybe the legal affairs if theres such things like a divorce happening, but nothing personal. No contact has worked wonders for me. It has helped keep me from getting hurt by trying to reach out to her, and within the early stages it kept me from getting hurt by removing the chance that I wouldnt get back from her what I wanted!
Environments:
Speaking for myself, this one has been a real hum dinger! This was such a problem for me that I had to go about setting up a 30 day Daily Strength plan just to stay away and stop it for a while. What Im talking about is be careful with hanging out or going to places that once might have been special places that you are you EX called your own! Just like with photos and videos and Facebook, going back to places that were once upon a time special places can be very hurtful, very painful and at least while the breakup is raw or fresh doing so can bring back memories of better times! And the snapping yourself out it, looking around and realizing that your EX isnt there with you while at one of these places can be very painful. Only speaking for me, the going back to the special spots almost became a sick addiction. I realize it now after not doing so for a while why it was an addiction to me. I realized that while I was at the spots, say the local park, sitting upon what used to be our bench where we enjoyed countless times, having fun, talking, watching people, talking about the future, what will we name our kids and so forth, I realized that I was becoming addicted to the brief couple minutes that my mind would go down memory lane, I was getting addicted to the escape and kind of living inside the memory! For a brief couple minutes my mind would kind of be fooled and for a short time the memory would allow me escape from the reality. I learned all this totally on my own! For one night when recently coming ending my little day trip to the river, as I was walking away something in my mind kept making me stop and making me look over my shoulder and would want to dive back into memory lane. I kept asking myself what the hell is going on, its as if I become more in pain walking away, than to stay! Thats when I realized my mind did want to stay, not because it was a beautiful evening on the river, it wanted to escape in some more memories again. To be honest with you folks, every time I would go to our old special places and for perhaps a couple minutes get the escape by way of memories, I always walked away more hurt than I did when arriving. Just be careful when attempting and or going back or hanging out at places that once used to be yours! Perhaps just stay away from these places until such time that revisiting them will be less hurtful to not at all.
Entertainment:
For myself, when it came to things like music and movies and TV shows and such, I quickly learned within days of my breakup that these can be serious triggers for me. For myself, within the almost 2 years of my relationship with my ex-fianc music had become such an intertwined part of our relationship. We had our special songs and special movies and such, where all these became a normal daily part of our landscape Just like with old photos, images, Facebook and the old special places around town, the music and movies and such can be hurtful and kind of be an audio and visual reminder of the departed. Even though its been well over 5 month since my breakup, I still cant listen to Nickelback! That band used to be one of our mainstays, plus their song got-a be someone out there, fricking tear jerker! I once used that songs video on my old Facebook page, I used it to describe how I did find that someone out there and that she was mine! Just be careful when dealing with the music and movies and television shows.
Well thats about all I got, I sure hope and pray that perhaps people will jump in here with other recommendations and suggestions in regards to breakup survival. I hope others can chime in here for I am not prefect and feel like I have missed some things.
Just remember, regardless where youre at in all of this, well all get through it together!
Hope this helped!
Everyone has an excuse as to why they are on there, and some of it is just BS because there is a way we did things before it came along. Trolling at people' pics and commenting isn't exactly a productive way to spend your day, but if you don't have a job I guess it keeps people busy as opposed to looking for work or taking an online course.
As we have kids, the no-contact isn't an option for me, but I was hurt last night by allowing visitation to include making dinner for my ex and son, and watching a show together. I thought it would be helpful, but it just hurt by not receiving any of the affection I craved in spite of me trying to give it - emphasizing the rejection.
I've been thinking a lot about "our" timeshare in NH in the fall. So many memories of hiking to waterfalls in the beautiful foliage, etc. Last year, I went and she came up with my son mid-week, but at the time we had rekindled something, entirely on her non-committed terms, that I had accepted as a new relationship. Now that's gone, and I think it is just as well as it wasn't healthy. So, do I bank or rent out the timeshare this year? I can't think about going there alone without being reduced to tears.
Sending you hugs and continued peace and healing!