Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My wife has decided to end our marriage after we got into a fight a few days ago. She was saying some nasty stuff about me so I threw a banana at her and that was the last straw. One other time I thre a plastic baby bottle at her when she was saying some nasty stuff. She basically has it in her mind that I'm a dangerous person and I can't be around our two year old daughter because I'm a monster. I admit what I did was wrong and not the right thing to do but I don't react well to someone bad mouthing me in from of my child. She has been very angry with me and short for awhile. The last two years we have not slept in the same room or even made out. Any time I try to be intimate she blows me off. We had sex one time in the last 8 months. Well with luck she ended up pregnant. With twins. So I face a reality where my children will be born and not know a home where two parents are together. I don't know what I can do. I have tried everything to make things right. I've offered to go to therapy and anger management. I guess I kinda always thought we could get threw anything. It's hard because she says she love me and wants to be married but can't cause she won't take the chance of my violence escalating. I agree that my abuse is worse because it's physical but she has verbally degraded me and hurt me as well. I'm sure we are done but I want to be there for my kids.
You are "blame shifting." You are blaming her for making you mad to the point where you lose control and respond disproportionately, and for your failure to take action to change yourself. Do you expect her to make the appointments for you, too? C'mon.
Any time you throw anything, you have lost your cool, and that freaks her out - with good reason. Real men do not throw shit at their wives. If she leaves you, will you hunt her down and bring her back? Or maybe kill her?
Do yourself (and your wife and children a favor), and get help. Before it's too late.
Do you have a good support group? Local church family, Pastor, good friend and/or counselor you can talk to?
Everyone deserves to feel safe in their own home. Your wife, kids and you. After you begin counseling, it may be necessary for you both to attend to determine if there is a chance of reconciliation.
It takes two people to want to make the marriage work. You have twins on the way, and you have a 2 year old that needs both her mom & dad. If you want to be a part of their lives, then it would be wise to take the necessary steps to make this happen. That means starting with getting help. Take that first step and show your wife that you are serious. Make the first move. You may need to make 100 moves before she begins to rebuild the confidence that you have worked through this issue.
There are similarities with your scenario and three small children that I know. They are 3 under 3. Currently the 3 year old needs to begin counseling because he saw his dad abuse his mother several times during his little life time. As adults, we forget how much our kids absorb even at such a young age. Kids do not deserve to begin their lives living in fear of their parents and learning that this is acceptable behavior. Because it is not.
It takes time to heal from something like this and your trust will need to be re-established. Take all of the time needed to get through this with professional help that will be able to give you the tools needed to handle your anger in a more appropriate way, Your wife will also need to learn to openly communicate so that both of you will be better able to relate to each other and move forward with raising your family!
I hope that my going to thearapy I can learn some better skills to cope with things. If I cannot save my marriage than I hope to learn and better understand myself. I'm trying to take this all in and find some positive from this.
WTF were you thinking???!!! When is it ever okay to throw anything at anyone, let alone a pregnant woman??? NEVER!!
Instead of talking about therapy, you should be running to therapy. Not just to save your relationship but for yourself.
Personally, I would never put up with someone throwing anything at me the first time AND she's pregnant! What would you throw next time would be my question.
Get yourself taken care of. Don't try for her. The only thing that will make her reconsider will be seeing action instead of talk.